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  1. #181
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    You know I experience that too.

    I've also noticed that I feel somewhat of a connection to people if they like the same art/music/film I like. It makes me feel like I have something in common with them that goes beyond words. I don't know if that makes any sense.

    I know my ENFJ sister doesn't really get it...she's like "those are just sounds, and pictures, and colors...it all comes down to how someone treats you"...and yeah, there's truth in what she's saying too, but she doesn't get it.


    Although I have some ENFJ friends who get it (I thought it was rather NF...maybe not), and we bonded over it.

    I love this quote from High Fidelity (the movie): "What really matters is what you like, not what you are like. Books, records, films - these things matter."

    I've actually had to tone down my feeling there - it too easily becomes snobbery. It became a means of isolation instead of connection... But the general feeling always remains intact.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  2. #182

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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post

    I love this quote from High Fidelity (the movie): "What really matters is what you like, not what you are like. Books, records, films - these things matter."
    Great movie, great quote and really true. When you share interests you share a cultural bond.

  3. #183
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post


    Although I have some ENFJ friends who get it (I thought it was rather NF...maybe not), and we bonded over it.

    I love this quote from High Fidelity (the movie): "What really matters is what you like, not what you are like. Books, records, films - these things matter."

    I've actually had to tone down my feeling there - it too easily becomes snobbery. It became a means of isolation instead of connection... But the general feeling always remains intact.
    Yes it can become snobbery, but then again it can make the people who you do connect with that much more special or meaningful. Maybe that's an E4 thing?

    My ex is an xSFP and he very much is the embodiment of that High Fidelity quote...to the point of snobbery...so it's not just an NF thing. I don't know if I has anything to do with type, maybe it's an Fi thing in general.

  4. #184
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReflecttcelfeR View Post
    In what way do you cope with the contradiction? Connecting and being a loner.
    This is the central issue when one is an introvert, especially a IXFX. I struggle with finding an equilibrium. My life is a series of push-pull actions with the people around me.
    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I think it's rather common for INFPs to connect through the arts. I relate to people through what they create & what I create. I mean, if I read a passage in a novel that really resonates with me, then I feel a little less alone in the world.

    It's also a constant struggle of modifying my behavior & mindset to be more inline with my goal, which is to connect with people.
    I know what you're talking about. The most satifying thing for me is uncovering or experiencing an emotional truth, even if it is through a inanimate medium. The difficulty starts when trying to find a way to experience deep emotional truths with other human beings...
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  5. #185
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReflecttcelfeR View Post
    In what way do you cope with the contradiction? Connecting and being a loner.
    Social interactions are not hard for the INFP if it's quality time with a select few that they care about. Who does the INFP typically care about: those that protect their feelings and have their backs when they're stressed. Trust is key. Never betray the INFP's trust by sharing things the INFP told you with other people. Never manipulate the INFP's feelings, as they'll see through it and resent you. An INFP will look forward and want to connect with you, if you are trustworthy, REAL, and respect/accept them for who they are.

    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    From my understanding of an introvert (like my girlfriend, for example), the connections feel deeper if they are not spread too thin? Maybe that is the reason for your loner / connector conflict.
    INFP's please correct me if I'm wrong here...

    When treated with care, the INFP is crazy passionate and intense (perhaps ravaging, lol ). Which requires some quality recharge time. I can only guess that because INFP's don't typically share their emotions verbally and flirt all over town like their extroverted counterparts, that all of the INFP emotional energy gets bottled up just waiting to be unleashed (I'm guessing upon the person(s) they care about). therefore, the more time you allow the INFP to recharge, the deeper, more intense the connections would be.

  6. #186
    Senior Member alcea rosea's Avatar
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    To the op: I have friends of both genders and I see no difference in which is better. I think it's more up to the personality of my friend than the gender.

  7. #187
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    I get on easier with men yes. A lot easier. I grew up with two older brothers, no sisters, and guys have always had the whole direct confrontation thing if something was wrnog instead of the festering, knife in the back approach women seem to prefer (something that drains me incredibly). The rivalry between women gives me a splitting head ache.

    I have no illusions about what (some) men want, and I make clear from the start what I have to offer. After that, we get along famously most of the time, or we part ways. I tend to enjoy the difference between the sexes and the benefits it brings to both parties, as well as enjoy the relaxed atmosphere guys usually bring to the group (women do the social status thing more, ime, which drains me).

    I did have two great female friends when I was 19 at school. The bond I had with one of em was exactly what I was looking for, though it could still be deeper. The other came close. Sadly the one moved to another country after that year and the other quit school and we drifted apart.

    They were the only girls that had accepted me for who I was and cheered me on, instead of being threathened or whatever, up to this point. In fact, I'm suspecting one em to have been ESFP, and man, she knew how to have fun, instead of frown at me. The other was an INFP, so sweet and so encouraging. No judgement whatsoever existed in that group. It was like a safe haven.

    Though I have a great group of friends atm, it's not the same. I miss it very much so. Sisterly bonding ftw!
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





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  8. #188
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Satine View Post
    guys have always had the whole direct confrontation thing if something was wrnog instead of the festering, knife in the back approach women seem to prefer (something that drains me incredibly). The rivalry between women gives me a splitting head ache.

    Let us pretend for a moment that I am a woman, and Satine I would like to say "Oh I just LOVE your outfit, especially those shoes! Where did you get those??? I *must* shop there [internal thought: cuz, you know, I would just LOVE to get my clothes from the gutter]" Note to self: don't become falsely-flattering backstabbing woman, it doesn't look too pretty...

    Ok, with that joke over now, reversing the inflection of this thread, as a male NFP I would say that I generally get along better with women than men.

  9. #189
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Not this guys and girls being friends shit again...yeah let's both go to Vegas and hang out buddy. Just as buddies of course. I mean, a guy and girl can be really close, not be ugly or deformed gender specimens and still be 100% platonic, damnit!

  10. #190
    Superwoman Red Herring's Avatar
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    Mostly male friends here. There are some women I inmediately connect with, but they tend to be oddballs and/or prefer male friends as well. The conversations just tend to be different. My theory is that the best exchange arises from mixed company (also true for room mates).
    Only girls:
    Only guys: :workout:
    mixed company: both at their best behavior, trying to contribute something interesting that refers to the human experience instead of being the stereotypical gender specific babble (where-did-you-get-those-shoes on the one hand and pissing contests on the other)
    The good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge. Neither love without knowledge, nor knowledge without love can produce a good life. - Bertrand Russell
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