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[MBTI General] xNFP females, do you tend to be better friends with males?

musicnerd93

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I definantly get along better with males. I've always been sort of a tomboy at heart. I may dress feminine and enjoy shopping and like to be treated like a lady by my boyfriend. But, there is that one part of me that doesn't care what my hair or make-up looks like and just wants to chill out, lay back, no make-up, no fancy clothes. Just do what I want and be my free-spirited self. It seems like my guy friends allow me to be a free-spirit more than my girlfriends do.

Guys are a lot less drama. A lot less judgmental. And a lot more fun. :) The only reason I have girlfriends really is to gush about other guys that I love. :p
 

stringstheory

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A thousand times yes. Granted, most of my better male friends are all gay, but still :alttongue: However, I was raised in a family of boys, the only other females I really had around in my life were my mom and some of her sisters.

For me I think it's just I don't know how to interact with "most" girls. It's not that I don't always care about what they're talking about or anything like that, it's just this weird social awkwardness; always feeling alienated, like I didn't belong there. The only girls I find I really get along with are other girls that have mostly male friends.

However, since I changed my major to Gender/Women's studies, I've made a lot more female friends and have learned the importance of having other girlfriends in my life, even if it's only a few. Quality over quantity I say, same goes with male friends.
 

Esoteric Wench

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most of my better male friends are all gay.

In my early 20s most of my best male friends were gay. And most of my friends were men. In fact, I had so many male gay friends, that I came to the undesirable conclusion that I needed to get some straight friends... for purely Machiavellian reasons. Did I also mention that I didn't date a lot in my early 20s? :doh:

For me I think it's just I don't know how to interact with "most" girls. The only girls I find I really get along with are other girls that have mostly male friends.

I can totally identify with what you said here. Looking back on my life, I've come to the conclusion that this was an S/N thing for me. When I made friends with men, I chose them (and they chose me) because we had something in common. I didn't know it at the time, but I was picking N men.

With women, however, I was far more likely to hang out with women not because we had similar communication styles... Instead these were the women who lived on my hall or who worked in the cubicle next to me. These women were usually Ss and I just didn't get them.

And even though I was well-liked, they didn't get me.... but they didn't even know they "didn't get me." As an ENFP, I was very good at being able to talk to them on their level. But always - ALWAYS - I grew tired of talking about ephemeral girlie crap that I didn't give a flying hoo hoo about. Eventually I'd get sick of never expressing my "true self" around them. And, my "true self" had almost nothing to say to these otherwise nice and friendly people.

Since I've come to see this feeling of alienation with most women as an S/N thing, I've made more female friends. Now I'm much better at smoking out those elusive N women with whom I can talk about the things that REALLY matter to EstoricWench... which occasionally includes normal girlie talk like boys, makeup, and shopping. :smile:
 
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stringstheory

THIS bitch
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I'd love to hear what this has to do with getting along better with men, please.

Edit: I mean, yes, I get the general point but it doesn't do a lot to give me a satisfying explanation as to why on MY side I find it difficult to make solid social connections with other women. Also, why most of my male friends are gay anyway :alttongue:
 
R

ReflecTcelfeR

Guest
Gay males are most likely to be judged by their own gender. Females are much more receptive to their attitudes toward life. That would explain the last part of your problem.
 
R

ReflecTcelfeR

Guest
It is. What's even more interesting to me is the fact that a gay male found a best friend in a straight male. That he felt comfortable enough to allow himself to be known as such to everyone. This is my case. The friendship has faded away, but it still happened. Me being the straight male.
 

Synarch

Once Was
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It is. What's even more interesting to me is the fact that a gay male found a best friend in a straight male. That he felt comfortable enough to allow himself to be known as such to everyone. This is my case. The friendship has faded away, but it still happened. Me being the straight male.

Maybe he wanted to be more than friends. :smile:
 

stringstheory

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It is. What's even more interesting to me is the fact that a gay male found a best friend in a straight male. That he felt comfortable enough to allow himself to be known as such to everyone. This is my case. The friendship has faded away, but it still happened. Me being the straight male.

Not saying that this is necessarily the case with your friend, but one of my best friends had a similar experience...one day he just told me he decided to rush a fraternity. At first I thought he was joking, but he did, and after a period of time it really made a lot of sense. To put it in the words of one of our friends, "He might be a gay man, but he's still a man...he has all that testosterone and shit". Now he has a lot of very close friends who are straight men.

A lot of gay men are rather effeminate (especially down here in Los Angeles) however there are a lot that aren't, including my friend. Even though he's into theatre and opera, he played football and basketball and was typically considered the more "masculine" guy in our group of friends.

Eventually having few other people to relate to on that level wore him down. Not to say that he grew tired of our friends, but he felt very out of balance because when you looked around it was him, our other gay friends, some other straight women, and me (at one point when we had this conversation, he told me i was the closest thing to a straight man that he had in our group of friends :rofl1:).
 

woolgatherer

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For me I think it's just I don't know how to interact with "most" girls. It's not that I don't always care about what they're talking about or anything like that, it's just this weird social awkwardness; always feeling alienated, like I didn't belong there. The only girls I find I really get along with are other girls that have mostly male friends.

Yes, this is a lot like the way I feel. I also do feel like relating to men is more casual somehow. I had more female friends up until my mid-teens, but since then I guess I feel a little more comfortable around men. I have some female acquaintances and they can kind of upset my introverted-ness by asking questions and maybe relating in a bit too personal of a way (but I think the women I'm thinking of are EXFXs).

Honestly I think part of it is that (I have social anxiety and) I can try to escape uncomfortable situations by leaning on my sexuality if I have to, when I'm with men... if that makes sense. That's not all it is though, there is a more down to earth feeling with men that I like.

In regards to INFPs being unable to tell if someone is sexually interested in them... I think that I'm good at that, at least when I first meet someone. Who knows what I could be missing though. With someone who's an established friend it might be better hidden. I do have a lot of difficulty fending people off if they put me in an awkward situation... and have had some unpleasant experiences as a result.
 

Esoteric Wench

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What's even more interesting to me is the fact that a gay male found a best friend in a straight male. That he felt comfortable enough to allow himself to be known as such to everyone. This is my case. The friendship has faded away, but it still happened. Me being the straight male.

I think this is very interesting, too. I know of two such straight guys myself... and actually I thought it VERY attractive about them... that they were confident enough in their identities to befriend whomever they felt a good fit.

I interpreted this as a sign of real character on their parts.
 
R

ReflecTcelfeR

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Maybe he wanted to be more than friends. :smile:

He ended up dating a guy who looked exactly like me, hahaha!

Not saying that this is necessarily the case with your friend, but one of my best friends had a similar experience...one day he just told me he decided to rush a fraternity. At first I thought he was joking, but he did, and after a period of time it really made a lot of sense. To put it in the words of one of our friends, "He might be a gay man, but he's still a man...he has all that testosterone and shit". Now he has a lot of very close friends who are straight men.

A lot of gay men are rather effeminate (especially down here in Los Angeles) however there are a lot that aren't, including my friend. Even though he's into theatre and opera, he played football and basketball and was typically considered the more "masculine" guy in our group of friends.

Eventually having few other people to relate to on that level wore him down. Not to say that he grew tired of our friends, but he felt very out of balance because when you looked around it was him, our other gay friends, some other straight women, and me (at one point when we had this conversation, he told me i was the closest thing to a straight man that he had in our group of friends :rofl1:).

You wouldn't be able to tell that he was gay unless he told you. He is very masculine in fact.

I think this is very interesting, too. I know of two such straight guys myself... and actually I thought it VERY attractive about them... that they were confident enough in their identities to befriend whomever they felt a good fit.

I interpreted this as a sign of real character on their parts.

:wubbie: Thanks.
 

kiddykat

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I'm usually more comfortable being friends with guys only if I get this feeling that they're gay. When they're not? That's when it gets 'awkwaaard'!!

My closest friends are females. Males, I can be friends with, but that doesn't usually last, because maybe I'm seen as a piece of meat or something.:(

I like making buddy-buddy jokes with guys, but I think it gets taken the wrong way.

Anyway, I prefer both. Mostly if I were to be really close friends with a guy, ideally.. it'd be the guy I'm with. Come to think about it, that's how it usually is.
 

Thessaly

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After reading this thread, I am officially in the market for a gay. Come hither gays...wherever ye may be...
 

Thessaly

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They purr lots and shed on your sofa????
 

Red Herring

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You made it sound like the only thing guys discuss between themselves is "guy topics" and the only thing girls discuss between themselves is "girl topics".

Also, that they are at their best behavior which I don't even know what it means but doesn't sound too right.

Not exclusively, but a lot of guy have even complained to me about how draining it can be to constantly go on about guy topics with other guys (and I have been observing these conversations as well). I know several guys who meet male friends for fun and female friends for serious talking (and I don´t just mean touchy-feely talking either). And vice versa: female company is great if you want to go on about how much guys suck, but if you want to talk politics, philosophy or whatnot, it´s mixed company you want. Just a personal observation, I don´t claim universality on this one.
 
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