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  1. #71
    Wild Card Atomic Fiend's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jen View Post
    Sounds to me like you're insecure. As for types, any type can have insecurities. Maybe she doesn't want to have to reassure you all the time and is using the break to recharge? This is why I think NF's need to mix it up a little with NT's.
    I'm an NF and at times insecure. Thankfully my NT knows this (thinking man he is) and isn't too bothered with my sometimes moody behavior. Being with him has also helped me think things out more thoroughly and rely on logic when coming to a conclusion. I'm not always successful and still use feelings, but I am better. I wouldn't do well with another NF, but that's just me.
    I find that I work better with NTs also, I can't explain exactly why though. I do remember it worked out much better then my brief go with another NF. It started well enough, but ultimately went no where, why it went no where was beyond me, we both had the same values, we both were to nice for our own good, and we even a similar interest, all of it was there. It turns out that we were both in love with the idea of each other and not actually in love with each other, and that was damn shame, probably don't even have her number anymore. It's like when you place to magnets of the same polarity against each other, they repel.

  2. #72
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    Quote Originally Posted by ferrisbueller View Post
    So I'm an ENFP, heavy on the NF, and I've been dating an INFJ for a little while. Generally things are going really well. She's very emotionally sensitive, which I certainly appreciate, and I love the NF-NF connection. Here's the problem: she seems to be completely unable to express her emotions verbally. I can count the times she has complimented me on one hand. We go to school together, but when school isn't in session we are long distance. Even when we've been separated for several weeks she can't say "I miss you."
    I don't mean to imply that she is cold, obviously as an INFJ this isn't the case. I can tell that she cares through sweet little gestures. However, I'm a tremendously verbal person, and it hurts my feelings a little bit that she can't just say "I care about you."
    Is it a time issue? Do I just have to earn the trust and loyalty of the INFJ over a longer period of time?
    Is this typical INFJ behavior? On a little side note, ENFP/INFJ match, what does everybody think?
    Hmm... before my current boyfriend, I would've totally related to the INFJ you are dating. I had a lot of trouble expressing how I felt verbally, mainly because I was either unaware of how I felt or I felt so deeply that words couldn't describe how I felt. I need to feel comfortable and trust people before opening up to them.

    To elaborate on not knowing how I feel, I think this may be the difference between a Fe & a Fi individual. I could certainly feel and describe what the person I was dating was feeling, but I'd need my own feelings drawn out of me - usually by relating. My current boyfriend is also a Fe sorta person, so we are constantly relating & connecting feelings & it seems to draw out our own personal feelings in a way that I've never experienced before - hence why I said before my current boyfriend.

    That being said, I am STILL more of a show how I feel instead of say how I feel kind of person. I normally want it in return as well - a verbal "I love you" means less than a gesture that shows "I love you". Maybe showing her how you feel will make her more receptive to you? I know the more I see emotions acted out, the more inclined I am to express them verbally. I also hold back until I feel a relationship is secure and consistent - as in the person I'm dating isn't going to just up & leave me. If I don't see signs of consistency, then I will hold back.

    As for an INFJ/ENFP pairing... I've never been romantically involved with an ENFP, but I do have an ENFP best friend. We have our differences, but we both tend to want to go the extra mile to overcome our differences to make our friendship (and when we lived together, our living situation) work. We both really valued diplomacy and compromising so everyone involved was happy. I find that my best friend is a bit more sensitive than me, despite us both being NF's. More things seemed to hurt her to the core based on her personal values, whereas I tended to let that stuff roll off my back.

  3. #73
    Senior Member wedekit's Avatar
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    Well, I don't say that I hold back emotionally, I just don't have a "need" to share. Another contributing factor is that sometimes it's not easy to explain how I feel. I don't mean that I am confused, I just don't know how to say it in words because emotions for me go far beyond that. The best way to tell someone how I feel is through actions: bringing them lunch, holding their hand, etc. To much expression of emotions makes me uncomfortable because I feel like I'm being pressured into saying what I can't adequately state. If you want to get some emotion out of her, things of sentimental value are probably a good way. Notice that giving her something of sentiment is an ACTION. Someone could tell them that they love/like me a thousand times, but showing me that they care is far more valuable. Words are cheap, and if you tell me something repeatedly (like "I like you so much") it makes me think that you are trying to convince yourself or something. I wouldn't know if this is the case with her or not, but when I am with new people that I like (as friends as well as romantic interests) I tend to get very quiet because I don't want them to not like me, honestly.

    She also must have her own whole world inside of her, and it is a very personal, vulnerable place that we prudently choose not to share with just anyone. Be careful not to say anything that might be read as negative when she does share things with you, because INFJs are said to take things like that very personally (which I do).

    Ok, I hope this helped and wasn't a bunch of nonsense to you, haha. xD
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  4. #74
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    Quote Originally Posted by ferrisbueller View Post
    Here's the problem: she seems to be completely unable to express her emotions verbally. I can count the times she has complimented me on one hand. We go to school together, but when school isn't in session we are long distance. Even when we've been separated for several weeks she can't say "I miss you."
    ...Is this typical INFJ behavior? On a little side note, ENFP/INFJ match, what does everybody think?
    I am married to INFJ and I would say this is NOT typical INFJ behavior, but maybe it is something to do with her upbringing or something.

  5. #75
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wedekit View Post
    Be careful not to say anything that might be read as negative when she does share things with you, because INFJs are said to take things like that very personally (which I do).
    Definitely. Even in conversations on here, I've been mistakenly seen as saying saying something negative when I wasn't. Generally it just pushes me to say less about what I'm thinking, because I'm concerned they don't like hearing it.

  6. #76
    Senior Member wedekit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by athenian200 View Post
    Definitely. Even in conversations on here, I've been mistakenly seen as saying saying something negative when I wasn't. Generally it just pushes me to say less about what I'm thinking, because I'm concerned they don't like hearing it.
    I know EXACTLY what you mean. Exactly.
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