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  1. #1
    Junior Member RobinsonCrusoe's Avatar
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    Default Any sound advice for an ENFP?

    sorry if this sounds depressing but i could use some advice.

    I'm a recent college grad and have been living at home for awhile now (it sux ) and have no clue what i'd like to do. i just know i'd like to earn enough to live on my own away from my parents.

    but as an ENFP I suck at making good decisions for my future. I'm fully aware of that. I don't think it's just cuz I'm an ENFP, but probably because I haven't matured or developed my other functions and my iNtuition goes haywire all the time, imagining different, better possibilities out there.

    My parents are really smart and have this plan worked out for me that'll have me in great financial shape down the road. However, the plan requires me to continue living at home for the next 5, maybe even 10 years! What kills me is that I live in the suburbs and my parents have me run lots of chores while I'm home, and it's been killing my relationships, sex life, leisure time, and, most importantly, the time all young men need on their own to make their own mistakes in life, deal with the consequences and mature from it.

    i haven't left, yet, though, because of fear. they tell me that i wouldn't last a second out in the real world on my own, and that i'm being foolish and childish for wanting financial independence so quickly without being adequately "prepared." Me, I think that the best way for young guys to learn is to dive in unprepared and learn as you go along. I mean, it's how my dad and his father b4 him became such stellar men, one who lied about his age to enlist for WWII and the other who left home at 20 and built up his own business from nothing. i really admire this can-do quality and want to acquire it myself, but my parents say I'm being foolish and unreasonable.

    i'm just not sure if I am the one being unreasonable here. My parents are absolutely right about a lot of things...like how I'll be much more financially secure if I get a job through one of their connections, although it's in an industry i don't like (investment banking), and continue to live at home. They see no problem with me working 80 hours/week and then coming straight home afterwards, repeating this process for several years until I've saved up enough.

    Problem is, I just cannot accept this kind of lifestyle. I think the monotony would destroy any ENFP, even mature ones. But I have no reasonable alternatives to suggest, so I come off as being naive and impractical when I discuss this with my parents. All I know is that deep down, all of this feels wrong.

    What should I do? I don't know what I'd like to do for a career, but should I just pick an industry I don't mind too much, and start looking for ways to get a job there? Like, perhaps, advertising or marketing? I mean, that's gotta be better than waiting around for life to make my decisions for me, right?

    But more importantly, I'd like to know if you think I'm being immature, as my parents say, or if I'm actually being reasonable enough in not wanting to follow their plan?

  2. #2
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Holy mackerel! Run, RobinsonCrusoe. RUN!

    You've gotta live you're own life. And if you're a college grad in his early 20s whose parents are wanting you to live at home for the next 5 or 10 years.....

    Well, yes. I don't know the whole story. Yes, I'm sure your parents love you. But the great thing is that I don't have to know your whole story. Unless you are mentally ill, have severe emotional / physical disabilities, any healthy parent is going to want their college graduate, early 20s child to strike out on their own. They are going to want you to properly individuate yourself and live your own life. The 20s are such a great time. They are when most people find their spouses, have their first children, make their first beach heads in their careers. And living at home is NOT the way to do this... I don't care what part of the US you live in.

    Also, you mentioned that you make terrible decisions? Who says? Your parents? Whatever mistakes you've made, I'm sure you're making the best decisions you can... and part of being a healthy adult is allowing yourself to make decisions... even wrong ones... and learning that you can and will recover from them.

    So get the hell out of there and go find yourself. Naysayers be damned. If you don't, you will NEVER become the man you are supposed to be.


  3. #3
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    OK, I'm all fired up now. I just reread your original post.

    It sounds like your parents are wanting you to not take risks they think are too dangerous.... like getting a job WITHOUT their connections. While I don't want to deny they believe they are doing the best job for you they can, I'd like to point out that not taking risks is a peculiar kind of hell in and of itself.

    People who don't take risks. That only follow the path of least resistance. Who live so conservatively, that they never know failure... well such people live in narrow mental spaces. And I want none of it. NONE OF IT.

    Let me suggest that you listen to JK Rowling's Harvard Commencement Address called "The Fringe Benefits of Failure." Perhaps it will inspire you and give you the courage to go out and make your own fortune. It is one of the most inspiring speeches I've ever heard. (And, no, I've never even read a Harry Potter book. And, it's still phenomenal.)

    The Fringe Benefits of Failure, and the Importance of Imagination | Harvard Magazine

  4. #4
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    I agree with EW.

    Give yourself all the options in the world out there and only then you will truly know what you want, what your strengths are etc.

    I may be an INFJ but I have lived in a home where my parents fear most of the decisions I was about to do for almost the rest of my life.

    P/S: Great video, btw.

  5. #5
    Senior Member alcea rosea's Avatar
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    Hey Robinso!n It sounds to me like your parents don't want to let you go and that is why they want to keep you home and keep you under control. I think it's unreasonable that you would be living at their house for the next 10 years. I mean, is it worth sacrificing yourself for some other persons plans? Don't do the mistake that I did when young that I did things other people wanted me to do... That doens't lead to a happy life. Although it is easier to say than to do: choosing your own way in life.

  6. #6
    Junior Member RobinsonCrusoe's Avatar
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    alcea, what did you do back then that you regret now?

  7. #7
    Senior Member Nonsensical's Avatar
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    run away.

    seriously. don't think it's going to be a walk in the park, either.

    but still, take some control of the wheel, and if you really want that sense of individuality and freedom of your life, leave what you have behind and go far away where you can start new. It'd be opening sooo many different doors for you, you'd learn so much about life, survival, and what it means to be an individual instead of a product.
    Is it that by its indefiniteness it shadows forth the heartless voids and immensities of the universe, and thus stabs us from behind with the thought of annihilation, when beholding the white depths of the milky way?

  8. #8
    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
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    I agree with the above.

    Nope, you must stand up on your own. Your low confidence in your own skills to survive stems from your inexperience of being on your own. One can't learn unless one actually makes their own mistakes and picks themselves up. You know it feels wrong and that it won't make you happy or satisfied. That's extremely, extremely reasonable. What you need is a plan. Is borrowing money from your parents out of the question?

    Get a job, any job that you don't hate and move out. Work and support yourself for a little while as you figure out which career path you'd like to pursue. If you think you can do that at home, that's good too, just come up with a plan. Not just Plan A, have a Plan B, and C. If Career 1 doesn't work out, then move on to Career 2.

    I am sure your parents wants the best for you, but what's best for you is your happiness. You have one life and these are your early years where you will sweat and make mistakes and stand up again. Take some risks, take some big steps. Trust yourself and have confidence that you will find a way to make it.

  9. #9
    Senior Member alcea rosea's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RobinsonCrusoe View Post
    alcea, what did you do back then that you regret now?
    I did things the way other people expected me to do things. I lived my life the way other people expected me to live. I didn't follow my own path which means that I'll have to find my own path again now that I'm older.

  10. #10
    Allergic to Mornings ergophobe's Avatar
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    What was your major in college?
    What are some practical skills you have that you could use in a workplace?

    Some things to think about:
    Are you being offered a job in investment banking right now without more education or internships? Do you have other job prospects?
    It's a tough market out there right now. Consider taking the job your parents find you if it pays well, save up enough in a year to move out and get your own place and use the year to figure out what you really want to do by taking some evening/weekend courses or spending time doing research on careers that would be a good fit for you.

    When thinking about career choices --
    1. Think about the environment and activities that would challenge intellectually/physically - depending on what you enjoy.
    2. What are you good at - practical skills?

    Taking a job your parents recommend does not equal living with them for 10 years or working in an industry you don't enjoy for 10 years. If your goal is to be independent, financial independence is an important part of it and this may simply be a road to financial independence. You could pick up a host of skills that you could use elsewhere.

    You're here asking for advice - that was a good decision . Seriously, trust yourself to make good decisions. They're not dependent on personality but rely more on researching your options, thinking through consequences of different options, and using good judgment in deciding what you are able to do/achieve. All that will get better and easier with experience.

    Good luck!

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