I think that's the root of a lot of NF (maybe NFP in particular?) communication problems with other types. We tend to think to ourselves, "well, I would only phrase it that way were I upset/irritated/resentful/whatever." While some of us can be sloppy in other ways, we tend to be very intentional in the emotional connotations of our word choices.
I don't know if I really consider it a communication problem, but this is definitely true for me. It is often quite accurate and telling and helps me get to the root of what is really going on pretty easily in a lot of cases.
Or course, I sometimes get false reads on "something bad going on" but those are usually pretty easily worked through.
I ask because it seems rather Fe to me to be more offended at a "prejudiced" action directed at many people, than at a personal insult. I was curious.
I'm also noticeably oblivious to smaller, real-time group dynamics, so take your pick of interpretations. I have most clarity on the individual and universal levels. It's the inbetween stuff that baffles me at least in terms of interacting and understanding in real time. Anyway, I think I'm veering away off topic and not focusing on what was said in the OP.
The first man to raise a fist is the man who's run out of ideas. H.G. WELLS
The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool. FEYNMAN If this is monkey pee, you're on your own.SCULLY
People often equate sensitivity and easy offense to NFs, but it is rare I get offended. I can think of a few times, but those tend to be larger scale prejudices that affect a lot of people and the perpetrator might even be oblivious to what they are doing. The things that offend me are the least personal directly. If any person ever felt concerned they have offended me, that is a sort of proof they haven't. If they had, I would still be gathering information and would eventually stumble onto the fact it was not intended as hurt, and then we're good.
In smaller group dynamics throughout my life and in every conceivable situation I've noticed often people becoming offended by something an individual does, and it never occurs to me to be offended. I wonder if it is spaciness, or a lack of some sort of skill, or a sort of empathy where I'm viewing the scene from each individual separately as opposed to group norms and expectations. It makes me fear I could easily offend others in groups and so default to being quiet, listening, and smiling.
I am somewhat the same way. I almost never get offended by something someone says to me. But, I am aware of offensive behavior in general and as soon as it happens I can almost predict who in the room will be offended.
I pay almost too much attention to what is being said, whether it's in someone's language or other forms of communication. But only when it's of interest to me in trying to figure out what the other person, or people are about. I can hear everything, or I can hear nothing and be somewhere else.
i think we focus on what is implied more than most.
I focus on things that's said when it's something that seems to be not-so-obvious.
Like when someone says something to sound appeasing, I can tell. I can tell that that's not how they truly feel, but it's their way of diffusing a situation.
I focus on "how" things are said- their tone of voice, the intentions behind what they say- saying what they mean? Verses saying what they feel they *should* say. When I see that, I'll usually ask if that's what they really mean or if it's just denial. I get a 'feel' for what's said and help them seek out their own answers- their own voice. Usually, I do this to people who I feel are lacking confidence in some way.
I think a lot of the times, people will not voice their true opinions because they're pressured to 'conform' to societal standards, which strips them away from their true authentic selves. In encouraging them to voice how they sincerely feel I am happy for them, because we all deserve to feel happy and be happy, even if we're not perfect enough in society's eyes. There's beauty in the imperfections, because that's what characterizes who we are- that's what makes it so wonderful.
On the forum, I focus on the intent as well. I can tell when something's said is genuine.