The growth of the Internet as a communication tool also may be to blame. While the Internet might keep us connected to friends, family and neighbors, it also may diminish the need for us to actually see each other to make closer connections, the researchers say.
I've often said that social networking allows us more flexibility in the social distance that we have with people. We can maintain a very, very loose connection with certain people nowadays, and that's a good thing.
Just.. I'm gonna say that again. Science seems to prove it.
I dunno. If I'm not too close to you, but want to invite you to a get-together via text message or Facebook, I avoid the 'obligation' of bullshit smalltalk that a phone call would imply ("So, uh. what's up, man? How's that, uh.. thing you were doing?").. all the better.
Originally Posted by proteanmix
I can't tell you how many you need, but having one is something to be so grateful for. Two or three even better. Having ten solid true friends that you can count on is wonderful, but IME out of those hypothetical ten, they're still going to sift and sort to a core that are closest to your center. You'll feel little twinges of "well these people get it a bit more than those," "I feel like I can open up more with blah blah blah."
... I've got quality, quantity means nothing and would actually become more difficult for me to handle.
If you can handle more then go for it, just be mindful of how many connections you can realistically nourish and grow. How many people can you give 100% to? At a certain point, a deep friendship that could have been fruitful were it given more attention will end up being that person you're really fond that you keep around because you feel the possibility of it, but never really emerges.
In the past, I've sort of felt obligated to keep connections with people I didn't really even have anything in common with.. and, in some cases, people I didn't even like. It wasn't really doing either me or them any good.
I have maybe two friends. Three if I count my MIL who I speak to on occasion about anything under the sun. The one friend is an internet friend who has become a real life friend but we live far away from one another. The second friend lives nearby but we don't see each other often which is why I think we're still friends.
I recently realized that I am just not cut out for friends. I do fine at the beginning but I have this thing where I allow myself to get too familiar with a person and just burn out completely until some conflict ensues and we are no longer friends. I start to feel crowded out and don't know how to deal with it. How do you tell someone that you need a break from them?
I've had a few close friends, but most of my life has been spent in solitude. I'm not exaggerating. So, I know from experience I don't need friends, but my life is much better with them (or him).
Originally Posted by disregard
And you're seeing me as an INFP. Don't be blinded by type theory. It's not real.
Lots of mindless babbling
Originally Posted by disregard
Look, I'm so over whatever you have to say.
I'm content that I've found a mate and we are compatible. He knows my strengths and weaknesses and accepts all of me. If something were to happen to him I would somehow cope because we have three children that would still need a parent. Friends wouldn't be much comfort to me in that situation. Only time would ease the pain, not words. Extroverts don't seem to get this.
I read an interesting post in another forum. It was posted by an INTJ saying he had a really deep moment with his brother. His brother is ENFP, very popular, and very likable. It was his birthday and he came home to find his ENFP brother alone. He asked him why he was alone and he responded, "nobody called. I have hundreds of friends on facebook, got hundreds of "happy birthday" comments, yet no one called. If people like me so much why didnt just one person call to take me out?"
Ouch. I feel like I used to be in this position. TONS of surface level friendships. I would see them and we would hang out or maybe go out to dinner together. The number was too large to keep up with. But I did not have ONE deep or close friendship. It hurt. A lot. It was not until this past year that I have gained one person at that level and it took a lot of work.
Do you think this is something ENFPs fall victim to? If it is, how do you think we as ENFPs can change this?
One ENFP I was close to just found relationships impossible to continue at any level of depth. I think she got very bored with any relationship that lasted past the first year or so. There was always someone new that was more interesting than her "old" friends. She also didn't like any of the obligations that enduring friendships produced. She just wanted to be free. (And in the process, she hurt a lot of people).
I don't know about other INFJ's, but I am always worrying about whether I have friends or not. I know tons of people I could invite to a party, but very few that I could call up with a real problem/issue. I have my husband, a best female friend, and 2 other people I could turn to if I had a real issue.
I also get along with guys so much better than girls, which worked until everyone I knew got married and then it became inappropriate for me to have really close friendships with guys. I just find women too complicated and emotionally draining. Guys generally are exactly the person that they present as themselves.
Do other INFJ's desire relationships, but then feel really drained by them?
I always want friends, but then when people call or want to do something I tend to feel a little put-out or demanded upon. It's almost like I know I'm supposed to want friends, but I don't actually enjoy them.
I also feel like I tend to do a lot of giving in a friendship and very little taking, which gets old after awhile.
I have a LOT of surface level friendships, and 10 very close friends. However there's also a level in between for people who are closER friends than acquaintances but not quite people i would consider very close, and I have a few people who share the same major who are in that group.
Also, my immediate family (Mom, Dad, 2 brothers) and I are very close.
Unfortunately a few of them have moved away so i don't actually get to see them in person a lot but when i do it's just like old times