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  1. #1
    Senior Member thescientist's Avatar
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    Default ENFPs...how easily do you forget?

    How easily do you forget special people in your lives? An infatuation? A friend? An ex?

    Do you just move on and not look back and block it out of your memory? Do you feel anything when you think about it?

    I ask because I feel like I can't get this ENFP off my brain. I've moved away, no goodbyes...I just disappeared with no warning...for my own sake. It's been 3 months since I left. No contact on either end. It was a year-long mess...a gray-area friendship I would call it (at work). I just can't help but wonder if I even remotely cross his mind.

    I know you guys move on quickly and fall in love with the next interesting person...it's just so easy for you ENFPs! But this was the first time I fell flat on my face for someone. And it seems that no matter how hard I try, everything reminds me of him...

    It just hurts to think that I'm a faded memory, while his is still very much alive in my head.

    I'm sorry...I'm just recently over the anger phase and am now consumed by sadness and longing...I just miss him...

    !@#$ I just shed a tear!

  2. #2
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  3. #3
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    i really don't think it's a type thing babe...i think it just depends on how you felt when things ended...rather or not they were resolved...rather or not you are able to accept it. i'm sorry you're hurting tho....i really am. i've been there and it sucks.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  4. #4
    Senior Member swordpath's Avatar
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    Subscribing to this thread.

  5. #5
    Senior Member thescientist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    i really don't think it's a type thing babe...i think it just depends on how you felt when things ended...rather or not they were resolved...rather or not you are able to accept it. i'm sorry you're hurting tho....i really am. i've been there and it sucks.
    Thanks

    Somehow I do think it's a type thing...you guys are quick to move on. But in the rare occasion that an INTJ opens their heart up, they are giving you their very soul. It's so much harder to recover from that...

  6. #6
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    QUESTION: I just reread my post below and realized that I assumed you wanted to get back in touch with this guy. Do you? What do you want out of this relationship?

    ===========================

    I think that people blessed with Ne and Ni have a capacity to ruminate on such things farrrrrr more than other types. And, Ne Fi (ENFPs) and Ni Fe (INFJs) do the most ruminating of all on such matters because these types are all about relationships. INTJs and ENTPs can and do ruminate on such things but relationships don't play the central role in their lives in the way they do for INFJs and ENFPs. (Obviously I'm speaking in gross generalities here.)

    So the good news, thescientist, is that if your ENFP put you in the "special" category, then he's been thinking of you, too. It's hard to describe, but I talk to soooo many people everyday. And, oftentimes these people walk away from the conversation thinking we're closer than I think we are. Part of the blessing and burden of being an ENFP is that we can make very quick and seemingly deep emotional connections with relative strangers. These people fade from my radar very quickly.

    But there are others who I flag as special. I don't know why I put some people in this category. I just know they are 'special.' I will watch (from a respectful distance) such people and ruminate on them for a long time... a very long time.

    Let me humbly offer this advice:

    Your ENFP may be secretly very hurt that you haven't been in contact. Let me suggest that you be prepared for this and able to explain why honestly and kindly. And, if you mean it, then you should apologize.

    Your ENFP wants to forgive you. He can't stay mad at you too long. Heck, I have a problem staying mad at people long enough. Just be sincere and warm and be strong enough to allow yourself to be vulnerable. You'll have him eating out of your hand.

    [Wait a minute. I feel a little like I'm giving information to the enemy. ]

  7. #7
    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
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    Aww, sorry. ^

    That's what I like about INTJs. You guys are so committed when you decide to.

    ENFPs and INFPs are sort of similar so I will say a little something that I have been wondering myself. For me, I forget very easily people's faces; it very fast becomes a blur. I forget our important conversations (most of them), what we used to joke about, how we interacted, what we did. I don't know why; maybe I don't want to remember. But even as I forget all of those 'concrete' details, I remember the gist of my emotional attachment and the gist of our relationship. And I will always miss them. But if you ask me what we used to do together and how we fit together, I ... don't remember.

  8. #8
    Senior Member thescientist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    QUESTION: I just reread my post below and realized that I assumed you wanted to get back in touch with this guy. Do you? What do you want out of this relationship?
    There's no way I'm contacting him...He had every opportunity to do so, and didnt...and HASNT. I can't blame him. He probably doesn't want to open another can of worms. And what would be the point? My values are a dealbreaker for him. There was an inner struggle there for an entire year. I will NEVER know how much he really liked me, or if it was even significant...NEVER.

    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    So the good news, thescientist, is that if your ENFP put you in the "special" category, then he's been thinking of you, too. It's hard to describe, but I talk to soooo many people everyday. And, oftentimes these people walk away from the conversation thinking we're closer than I think we are. Part of the blessing and burden of being an ENFP is that we can make very quick and seemingly deep emotional connections with relative strangers. These people fade from my radar very quickly.

    But there are others who I flag as special. I don't know why I put some people in this category. I just know they are 'special.' I will watch (from a respectful distance) such people and ruminate on them for a long time... a very long time.
    How can you possibly know if you were in the "special" category if this ENFP was more inconsistent than anyone I've ever met. His words NEVER matched his actions.


    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    Your ENFP may be secretly very hurt that you haven't been in contact. Let me suggest that you be prepared for this and able to explain why honestly and kindly. And, if you mean it, then you should apologize.

    Your ENFP wants to forgive you. He can't stay mad at you too long. Heck, I have a problem staying mad at people long enough. Just be sincere and warm and be strong enough to allow yourself to be vulnerable. You'll have him eating out of your hand.

    [Wait a minute. I feel a little like I'm giving information to the enemy. ]
    After 3 months? Secretly hurt my ass...he's probably moved on. I just need to accept it...and I haven't.

    VULNERABLE? are you kidding? I poured my friggin heart out to him...and he NEVER gave in. He was NEVER vulnerable with ME. There is no way in hell I am being vulnerable again.

    (Just realized there was a lot of "NEVER"s in this.)

  9. #9
    Senior Member thescientist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebe View Post
    Aww, sorry. ^

    That's what I like about INTJs. You guys are so committed when you decide to.

    ENFPs and INFPs are sort of similar so I will say a little something that I have been wondering myself. For me, I forget very easily people's faces; it very fast becomes a blur. I forget our important conversations (most of them), what we used to joke about, how we interacted, what we did. I don't know why; maybe I don't want to remember. But even as I forget all of those 'concrete' details, I remember the gist of my emotional attachment and the gist of our relationship. And I will always miss them. But if you ask me what we used to do together and how we fit together, I ... don't remember.
    This is more or less what I think has happened. Even while I was there, he never remembered conversations that we had, or other details. He would block it out for forget about it...

    All the while to me, those things were special...

  10. #10
    movin melodies kiddykat's Avatar
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    ^Sorry to hear about that.. Sounds like he was in a headspace, like he wasn't really 'there.' He was 'there' just not in a way that's reciprocated emotionally?

    That's one thing that I notice about imbalanced relationships.

    Think of it this way, TheScientist, he did you a favor. Better now than later, right?

    I know. Easier said than done. I sit around and rationalize where things went wrong. Then afterwards I tell myself to pick myself up and take it one day at a time..

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