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  1. #51
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    INTJ's are my absolute acchiles heel. I try SO hard to win you over - guys and girls. You withhold your affection SO well.

    The worst I ever got my heart broken is when I, out of my own, decided that an INTJ and I could never work. I see so many parrallels with your story.

    Just like with you guys, it was because our values differed too much that I didn't want to follow up. I tried not to let him fall in love with me because I knew I couldn't follow through.. I couldn't be with him. I never touched him, never danced with him even, like a would with a friend. He kept a respectful distance. Looking back, it was kind of an awed distance.

    I tried not te lead him on, but I so desperately wanted his approval and he, insecure as he was too, didn't want to give me any sort of power by complimenting me. Every time we spoke I grinned SO broad, before I knew it I'd said some amazing clever profound things and then I'd want to run away, knowing I'd made an impression, and remembering the impression he made on me. The push and pull was unbearable. I'm the one that stopped it, but we both hurt.

    We both managed to move on. And so can you. We had our first casual coffee the other day - 18 months later. (Coffee was my initiative, on an impulse, when I ran into him). Both have lovers now. It was such a sick, destructive dynamic between us and seeing us now, happy with other people, is amazing.

    And at the time I thought, I am letting go of the most intense, earth-shatteringly profound, emotional, beaufitul connection I've ever experienced with anyone. I mourned for so long.

    DO YOU KNOW HOW AWESOME INTJs ARE!? You are what I dream of being one day when I grow up!!! If an INTJ told me they liked me I'd be sky high. This guy looks like he was more immature and infinitely more P than I was last year. He wanted his options open. He was probably very flattered indeed. He was just selfish because he's an NF, he'd know what he's doing if he is brave enough to analyse it. I hope he manages to grow.

  2. #52
    Senior Member thescientist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    yeah i'm an enfp with high fe and still can't put on a front. i can remain quiet if telling someone to f@ck off is inappropriate but i can't pretend to adore them.
    I think everyone is being thrown off by that one sentence. These are people he didnt know. People he had just met. He was just being casually nice to them. Being his animated ENFP self. I've met ENFJ's and they have an aura of certainty about them. He does not. He is as random and spontaneous as they come. HE IS NOT ENFJ. Not one bit.

    Anyway, I didnt create this thread because I was doubtful of his type. I am NOT. I do appreciate everyone's response and words of comfort.

    Sigh...I'm exhausted. My Fi is really kicking in...that happens when people don't believe me.

    Taking a break....

  3. #53
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    Do ENFPs forget?... I will never, ever forget how it felt. He made me come alive in ways I've never experienced before. But it was not healthy and that's why it had to end.

  4. #54
    Senior Member thescientist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by blomiki View Post
    INTJ's are my absolute acchiles heel. I try SO hard to win you over - guys and girls. You withhold your affection SO well.

    The worst I ever got my heart broken is when I, out of my own, decided that an INTJ and I could never work. I see so many parrallels with your story.

    Just like with you guys, it was because our values differed too much that I didn't want to follow up. I tried not to let him fall in love with me because I knew I couldn't follow through.. I couldn't be with him. I never touched him, never danced with him even, like a would with a friend. He kept a respectful distance. Looking back, it was kind of an awed distance.

    I tried not te lead him on, but I so desperately wanted his approval and he, insecure as he was too, didn't want to give me any sort of power by complimenting me. Every time we spoke I grinned SO broad, before I knew it I'd said some amazing clever profound things and then I'd want to run away, knowing I'd made an impression, and remembering the impression he made on me. The push and pull was unbearable. I'm the one that stopped it, but we both hurt.

    We both managed to move on. And so can you. We had our first casual coffee the other day - 18 months later. (Coffee was my initiative, on an impulse, when I ran into him). Both have lovers now. It was such a sick, destructive dynamic between us and seeing us now, happy with other people, is amazing.

    And at the time I thought, I am letting go of the most intense, earth-shatteringly profound, emotional, beaufitul connection I've ever experienced with anyone. I mourned for so long.

    DO YOU KNOW HOW AWESOME INTJs ARE!? You are what I dream of being one day when I grow up!!! If an INTJ told me they liked me I'd be sky high. This guy looks like he was more immature and infinitely more P than I was last year. He wanted his options open. He was probably very flattered indeed. He was just selfish because he's an NF, he'd know what he's doing if he is brave enough to analyse it. I hope he manages to grow.
    That....

    That is exactly it....

    Thank you for understanding....

  5. #55
    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
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    ^ I was going to say, it is possible that your natural character overwhelmed his natural character but you both liked each other so it became confusing and complicated when it is supposed to be quite simple. NFPs like to have fun and they (I think) struggle between wanting a serious relationship to wanting to meet people and explore options and not worry about compromises. The fact that he has a gf even if long distance makes him an ass. Maybe he's just young/immature and infatuated/intrigued and he couldn't say no to you or say yes. When I am confronted, I would say something mean or just not say what's really in my 'heart' because I feel pressured to be vulnerable and I don't like that! If someone is being vulnerable in front of me, I feel that I need to take up the other end of the weigh, be the rational and realistic one, though I'd feel really bad on the inside.

    It's hard for us to say because we need the whole story. I am confused as to what happened so I don't know how to help. It is possible for someone to like you (a lot) but is still indecisive/uncertain for many other reasons so it ends up hurting you and the indecision/uncertainty creates a huge, huge mess.

  6. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by thescientist View Post
    That....

    That is exactly it....

    Thank you for understanding....
    Affirmation?! you just made my day! The second INTJ in my LIFE ever to affirm me!!! Yay! Now I can die happpeee!

    Seriously though. I sincerely hope you find closure and discover a healthy, even more meaningful relationship someday. Hope you rest well.

  7. #57
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by thescientist View Post
    That....

    That is exactly it....

    Thank you for understanding....
    that post makes a lot of sense and i'm sorry we got sidetracked on that one point...yes i could very much see holding back and not declaring how i felt if i knew i couldn't or wouldn't act on it.

    sounds very difficult.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  8. #58
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    Sorry my dear, we did not mean to stress you out. The only reason his type matters is if you want to try and understand why he behaved the way he did. Otherwise, he is just immature all around it sounds like. I am sorry he hurt you by being stupid.

  9. #59
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by thescientist View Post
    Me - 25 / ENFP - 26

    Mutual infatuation for an entire year at work. Push/pull. Few first dates initiated by him. Kissing on/off throughout the year initiated by him. Never slept with the guy, thank GOD. General friendship as well.

    100% sure he's ENFP. Very strong E and P (just how I like 'em ). Probably Enneagram 7.

    I haven't had too much experience with guys (in very INTJ fashion). He on the other hand...
    Uhhh... despite your protestations to the contrary, you two were in a relationship... even if it was one without formal declarations.

  10. #60
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by blomiki View Post
    This guy looks like he was more immature and infinitely more P than I was last year. He wanted his options open. He was probably very flattered indeed. He was just selfish because he's an NF. He'd know what he's doing if he is brave enough to analyse it. I hope he manages to grow.
    I think Blomiki brings up some really good points. An immature ENFP is a terrible sight to behold. It's like we are either very good or very bad. This fellow sounds like he was super immature. Not nearly mature enough for you. And, thescientist, you do sound very very mature... and impressively very in touch with your emotions.

    I lived with an INTJ for four years. I loved him very much and he had many great qualities. But at the end of the day, we had very different (and conflicting) value systems.

    So don't despair. This is just a plot point in your story. It's great training for the next guy who comes along that is worthy of all the love you would bestow upon him.

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