INTJ's are my absolute acchiles heel. I try SO hard to win you over - guys and girls. You withhold your affection SO well.
The worst I ever got my heart broken is when I, out of my own, decided that an INTJ and I could never work. I see so many parrallels with your story.
Just like with you guys, it was because our values differed too much that I didn't want to follow up. I tried not to let him fall in love with me because I knew I couldn't follow through.. I couldn't be with him. I never touched him, never danced with him even, like a would with a friend. He kept a respectful distance. Looking back, it was kind of an awed distance.
I tried not te lead him on, but I so desperately wanted his approval and he, insecure as he was too, didn't want to give me any sort of power by complimenting me. Every time we spoke I grinned SO broad, before I knew it I'd said some amazing clever profound things and then I'd want to run away, knowing I'd made an impression, and remembering the impression he made on me. The push and pull was unbearable. I'm the one that stopped it, but we both hurt.
We both managed to move on. And so can you. We had our first casual coffee the other day - 18 months later. (Coffee was my initiative, on an impulse, when I ran into him). Both have lovers now. It was such a sick, destructive dynamic between us and seeing us now, happy with other people, is amazing.
And at the time I thought, I am letting go of the most intense, earth-shatteringly profound, emotional, beaufitul connection I've ever experienced with anyone. I mourned for so long.
DO YOU KNOW HOW AWESOME INTJs ARE!? You are what I dream of being one day when I grow up!!! If an INTJ told me they liked me I'd be sky high. This guy looks like he was more immature and infinitely more P than I was last year. He wanted his options open. He was probably very flattered indeed. He was just selfish because he's an NF, he'd know what he's doing if he is brave enough to analyse it. I hope he manages to grow.