[NF] The NF Females' List of Deal Breakers

[gromit]

It makes me lose faith in honesty with others and oneself really. That's why I always hate when someone says I'm cute for this or for that and that they think this is cute or that is cute.

It's cute now, but when the shit hits the fan it's no longer cute. It's insincere, it doesn't come from a place of respect and admiration.


And yes, I get your example, and that's a good one. I'd still feel like a complete hypocrite personally. But I tend to be hard on myself too so...

Are you talking about the term 'cute' itself?

 

[Moiety]

Are you talking about the term 'cute' itself?

No, what it represents. The endearing/funny feeling and all. Of course that was simply an example.

 

[gromit]

No, what it represents. The endearing/funny feeling and all. Of course that was simply an example.

Do you think it can ever be a sincere feeling, though? I actually hate people thinking I am 'cute' (I used to a lot more, but I still don't really like it), so I'm curious of your opinion.

 

[The Third Rider]

Wow, reading thorough some of the postings here I fail on everyone's list by a few things. LMAO!!!

 

[musicnerd93]

Sense of humor is soooo important to me. I love these two items on musicnerd93's list.

I tend to have a very dry sense of humor. Lots of irony, sarcasm and wordplay. Good witty banter is enthralling to me.

Yeah, absolutely! Most of the guys I've been with do not share my humor at all. All they care about is sex jokes. I mean, I'm not a prude, I don't mind an occaisional dirty joke or dirty word, but if those are the only things in your repeitore, it's just annoying. Plus, they were all too "manly" and self-concious to be goofy with me.

I'm the same way in terms of humor. I prefer irony and play on words, and my sense of humor is kinda dark and, I think one of my friends described it once as, "bizarre." But, I also enjoy childlike games and plain joking around. It makes me smile.

Just how are we defining shallow/close-minded out of interest?

Shallow- Not giving a girl the time of day unless she's got platinum blonde hair, double-D's and no sense of intelligence or selflessness.

Close-minded- Not being able to see something from someone else's perspective. Atleast it's a deal breaker for me because I'm extremely opinionated. It's not really so much the closed mind that turns me off, as it is the whining "Oh you're so stupid, why do you believe like that? I believe like this and that's the only thing anyone should believe."

Catch my drift?

 

[Moiety]

Do you think it can ever be a sincere feeling, though? I actually hate people thinking I am 'cute' (I used to a lot more, but I still don't really like it), so I'm curious of your opinion.

I don't mean to imply it's insincere, only that it is not something you should base anything on. It's slightly condescending too.

 

[cafe]

FWIW, if a person is basically decent, love can cover a multitude of small 'sins.' Especially if you stay aware of your own faults.

 

[Lady_X]

i can't imagine loving anyone i didn't also find cute and/or endearing at times and i would not mean it in a condescending way.

I don't mean to imply it's insincere, only that it is not something you should base anything on. It's slightly condescending too.

 

[Salomé]

Shallow- Not giving a girl the time of day unless she's got platinum blonde hair, double-D's and no sense of intelligence or selflessness.

Close-minded- Not being able to see something from someone else's perspective. Atleast it's a deal breaker for me because I'm extremely opinionated.

Catch my drift?

Um...

1. Must-haves
...
Medium length hair (Not buzzed, but not goldilocks either.)
...
Well-built body. Not completely whimpy, but not full-on macho muscle man either.

...

4. Flat Out Deal Breakers
Beards, moustaches, goatees or any other type of facial hair
Too much muscles
Hairy

Catch mine?

 

[Lady_X]

haha ahhh she totally got ya there girlie.

 

[Lauren]

I don't make lists about the must have's or deal breakers, so it's not conscious. Everyone is imperfect. For me, it's entirely intuitive. In the past, this intuition has lead me astray. Still, no regrets, as the two men I was most involved with were very good people, just not the best for me as they weren't intuitive and we had difficulty speaking the same language. Now that I've had time to reflect, Ns really are the best for me. From past experience, I would say that I'm drawn most to: sensitivity, passion, utmost honesty and clarity, humor, offbeat, extremely independent (I love an independent thinker), someone that matches my intellect, a fellow intuitive, devoted to me, honest about how he's feeling and communicates that, whether he's angry, frustrated, bored, excited, the list goes on, loves communication and engages with me, really engages. I don't care about imperfections or if someone doesn't say something just right. It's very difficult to communicate exact meanings. It's all in the delivery, in the honest effort. So often it takes several attempts to say it the way we want to. Most of all, someone who sees that I often give too much and will, instead, give to me, as I'm not as strong as I appear.

 

[Lady_X]

love that lauren...totally relate to that.

 

[OrangeAppled]

Blimey, NFs are picky!
Why are you always falling for such losers then?

That's why we need lists - to keep us on track!
I can be a real bleeding heart when it comes to dating. Better for me to be aware of what I want/need than be swept up in pity.... And regular, old infatuation works enough damage on rational thought. Between the two, it's good to stay aware of your values.

Do you even know what clicking means at a neurological level? Your brain is making these lists whether you know it or not, consciously or subconsciously you do have well defined criteria.

I don't judge people based on lists, but I do have my standards, and there is nothing wrong with that.

I mean, these threads were for shits and giggles anyway right? That's the whole point.

Seriously - I have not carved my list into stone.

Although I think it is very much an analysis of what I am drawn to in general - so as opposed to creating standards it simply describes them in words. I don't need a defined list though - my feeling will guide me to the right place if I listen to it and don't get clouded by emotion like pity & physical infatuation.

 

[musicnerd93]

Um...


Catch mine?

Touche.

 

[Esoteric Wench]

That's why we need lists - to keep us on track!
I can be a real bleeding heart when it comes to dating. Better for me to be aware of what I want/need than be swept up in pity.... And regular, old infatuation works enough damage on rational thought. Between the two, it's good to stay aware of your values.

For a long time I thought such lists were antithetical to L-O-V-E. But then again, not having a list didn't help me worth a damn if you are to judge by the success of my past relationships.

I think that OrangeAppled articulated perfectly why such lists can be helpful. I can be a real sucker when it comes to picking men. Having a list is a great reference point. It serves as a reality check. As an ENFP, I usually never want to lop off my options too soon. Such a list helps me remember that sometimes I NEED to lop off some of my options.

I don't know why some people are so upset about creating such lists. This thread has been a wonderful exercise in frivolity for me.

To my fellow NFs and other naysayers: don't take everything so seriously! Have fun with it. You aren't going to miss out on finding the love of your life just because you post a list to this thread.

 

[Xellotath]

...well.. I tried to have fun ~

 

[Lady_X]

i'm having fun..........kinda. :/
i've got a list too just didn't feel like writing it out....don't see the point.

 

[Lauren]

Saying that I don't have a list isn't the same as saying that I don't think they're worthwhile. It's just something I'm not fond of doing (making lists in general). For the purposes of the thread, I think it's a great idea to kick around these lists of "must haves" or "would never go near."

I meant to add to great attributes: unselfish. Humble. These men are usually the most generous, talented, and loving. I dislike posturing or huge egos.

 

[sculpting]

No men who are into time travel. Time travel is totally a deal breaker for me.

 

[Phoenix_400]

No men who are into time travel. Time travel is totally a deal breaker for me.

:throws a tarp over his TARDIS:

ops smoke: