I will concede that if a person really won't give someone that violates a minor, superficial criteria a chance they are shooting themselves in the foot. Maybe I have more confidence in people's ability to be open-minded when it is to their own benefit than I ought to.
Honestly, what I've seen a whole lot more of (and maybe it's a result of my social class) is women who give men chances that obviously have had way too many chances. They think the guy that has been a jerk and a looser his whole life is going to magically change or that they are somehow different than the previous women in a way that will evoke different treatment from the guy. They have no real evidence of this change except that the guy is acting nice to them. -- right now.
Doesn't take too long for the abuse to start and not long after that for them to start having to ask friends and family for diaper money. By then, the guy is in their head and it takes years to extricate themselves, unless he's already moved on to greener pastures -- pastures that don't involve providing for the children left behind.
Most of these women's friends and loved ones could have told them very early on how things were going to play out -- probably tried to tell them how it was going to play out, possibly begged them not to get involved with the guy. All the warning signs were there for anyone to see, but they wouldn't see or hear it from anyone else. Love conquers all or something like that, I guess. :rolli:
I've seen very similar in the past and in areas I grew up. Small southern towns, women who have their self-esteem crushed and they stay in abusive relationships. Its always boggled my mind or been very disheartening to me.
My view on it is that many women suffer from something very similar to the 'white knight' syndrome that many guys get accused of (and is a trap I've unfortunately fallen into in the past). People want to know that they've earned a special place in someone's heart and so go after 'project men'. What better way to feel special than to be the one to change a guy when no other woman could? Not saying its logical, but that does seem to be where a bit of it comes from.
Some women get stuck on that idea or feeling of 'Twue Wuv' and just lose every lick of common sense they ever had.
Then you've got guys who suck a woman in and become extremely controlling, cut the woman off from friends/family, are abusive, make a woman believe that she can't survive without him. Its self-esteem destroying and its just all around messed up.
Some of the lists here have done a very good job of pointing out dealbreakers that are quite legitimate for helping avoid abusive men, those are the good lists. Some of the stuff is just off base though. There's some things you just can't know until you observe how they treat their family/friends, attitude towards strangers, and reactions in high stress situations. There's plenty of guys out there who, while they can be aggressive, will take the time to find healthy venting for their anger. They would never abuse their lady, but they will go several rounds with a punching bag when they get pissed. Some people don't take in to account how others handle their anger, they simple look at the fact that the anger is there.
On the flip side (and this has always driven me nuts): You've got a lot of women out there who say they won't stand for a man to abuse them but won't hesitate to slap a guy across the face, throw things at him, and basically just provoke the crap out of him. The excuse is usually something along the lines of "He's a man, he can take it", "I'm a girl, its not like I can hit him hard enough to hurt", etc. They forget that its not the physical pain that's the issue but the emotional pain of having a loved one taking out their anger on you. Most of what I see is verbal abuse on the woman's part. They'll emasculate their man in public, call him stupid, damage his self-esteem, but would walk out the door if he ever showed the same behavior. The double standard is alarming.
All in all though, I'll usually give somebody a chance. I don't have any 'deal-breakers' like on these lists, but I do have warning signs that'll put me on guard. There's a couple that are instant 'Aw Hell Naw! I'm out!'s (usually glaring personality flaws, not just stereotyping). The vast majority though, I'm willing to hang around long enough to see if the behavior is consistent or if the person is willing to learn and/or is actively seeking help for the issue.
For me its more of putting trust in my ability to judge someone's character and staying open to listening to and/or entrusting my friends to slap my head back on straight if they notice something I may be blinded to. Not to say my friends are always on point or that I'm the best judge of character, but I'll at least take their words into consideration and pay closer attention and I'm fairly confident in my own reasoning abilities and can usually admit when I've screwed up.
(LOL! I just realized, I probably trust my dog's judgment on people more than my friends. There's only one person he's instantly disliked, and I know the guy well enough to know it was with good reason. The rest of the time he's a total attention whore to everyone he meets...Not to say its a deal-breaker if my dog doesn't like you, but I'll be watching somebody like a hawk for a while if he doesn't
)
Actually, I'm not sure if I love college football so much, but I definitely love hanging out with friends while college football is on or going to the games with them. But after the game is over I rarely remember what happened and I guess I really just like hanging out.
Though I don't deny I am capable of being swept off my list by passion. And that's not for dating/fun, that's my Forever List. Muahaha.
