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  1. #81
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stalemate View Post
    I love college football. Actually, I'm not sure if I love college football so much, but I definitely love hanging out with friends while college football is on or going to the games with them. But after the game is over I rarely remember what happened and I guess I really just like hanging out.
    I have two ENFP male friends who have told me almost the exact same thing. They couldn't give a flying flip about the football, but it's a great way for them to bond with other guys and feel included in a group.

    Very interesting. I might need to back pedal a bit on my visceral thing about college football.

  2. #82
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    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    Marmalade, I understand how you don't want to limit yourself with preconceived notions / or a list. However, I would be remiss if I didn't point out that if we were to combine all your comments in this thread, we'd have a rather robust list for you.
    I suppose so...like I said, I do have standards, but the idea of a list seems so exacting and idealistic to me...for example, I'm willing to compromise on politics, someone doesn't have to share my exact same beliefs ... I could probably be compatible with a moderate liberal, moderate republican, another left libertarian, or even an anarcho-capitalist if their view of capitalism wasn't as extreme and as selfish as some right libertarians I've encountered on the Internet (interestingly all the right wing libertarians I've known IRL were actually very kind, altruistic, almost ridiculously idealistic people...) ... but any extreme would be bad, I suppose.

    But I can't just sit here and say "must love literature" or "can't be at all controlling or selfish or ______" because I know that all people, including me, have flaws and you have to make trade-offs. For example, a man who is less effeminate might be more aggressive or dominating. I can accept that.

    I like Charmed Justice's list because they're reasonable extremes that aren't healthy to put up with (i.e. violence, etc.)

    I probably am being hypocritical, but it's just that I prefer gray areas, where a list seems so black and white, like trying to make a recipe for Prince Charming...I want to keep my options open.

  3. #83
    Post-Humorously stalemate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    I have two ENFP male friends who have told me almost the exact same thing. They couldn't give a flying flip about the football, but it's a great way for them to bond with other guys and feel included in a group.

    Very interesting. I might need to back pedal a bit on my visceral thing about college football.
    I've only recently realized it. I thought I liked the football. But when I think about it, I really don't care about it much.

    If there isn't a group getting together and I'm by myself at home, I'll turn the TV to it but then lose interest quickly.

    And my friends will talk about things that happened in some of the games that we watched together but I can't remember that stuff at all. Like a certain play or something... by the time we are in the car going home I've already forgotten it. They can remember those things from YEARS back. I usually can't even remember who won.

  4. #84

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    Currently crossing NF women off list of people who will put up with me.
    Everybody have fun tonight. Everybody Wang Chung tonight.

    Johari
    /Nohari

  5. #85
    Junior Member gwynner's Avatar
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    1. Must Have: Emotional Intelligence, Ability to Communicate and Empathy
    2. Rather Not: Don't Finish What You Start, Messy, Lazy
    3. Deal-Breakers: Addictions, Abusers, Losers...you know who you are, ha-ha!

  6. #86
    Senior Member hokie912's Avatar
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    Um, so can I have all the guys you other girls have ruled out because they like college football?

    I'll just list must-haves:
    1. Fundamentally kind
    2. Sexually attractive to me and vice versa
    3. Intelligent with some compatible interests
    4. Sense of humor
    5. Stable, i.e. not violent, drug-addicted, etc.

    Now that I've gotten started I can think of several "would prefer"s (adventurous, well-read, thoughtful, not clingy), but I think making too specific a list is probably counterproductive, especially since I'm having so little luck in the dating world as it is.

  7. #87
    #005645 phthalocyanine's Avatar
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    this was kind of hard to hammer out.

    it probably sounds odd that i didn't put 'good hygiene' and such things under musts, but it seems rigid and hypocritical to assume very narrow standards. i tried to be honest...

    i'll probably change my mind on half of this crap tomorrow anyway.

    this is not really all that serious, but it was good to solidify what i don't consciously think about most of the time.


    Must Haves
    individualism
    intellectual curiosity
    open mind
    compassion
    loving
    good sense of humor
    good taste in books, music, etc
    passion for something!
    beliefs/opinions with thought behind them (even if they differ from mine)
    ability to think critically
    not a sycophantic ass kisser or herd mentality dweller
    sexually open-minded, but sane


    Would likes

    good hygiene
    good manners
    worldliness
    adventurousness
    culinary ability
    quite literate
    active lifestyle
    articulate/linguistically oriented
    intuitive (doesn't necessarily correspond to N vs S)
    animal lover
    interest in the arts
    interest in sciences
    philosophical bent
    good taste in clothes, furniture, etc
    future thinking
    progressive
    personal style
    artistic talent


    Rather Nots
    poor diet
    impatient
    vain
    poor listening skills
    hedonist
    stubborn
    quite traditional
    more than a little conservative (i'm open-minded, but realistically a very conservative person would probably not get on well with me for a long period of time.)
    very competitive (seems like insecurity to me, a little healthy competition doesnt apply to this description)
    very nihilistic (nihilism isn't inherently bad, i am pointing more toward being faithless/hopeless or overly cynical about life.)
    materialistic (i mean greedy/avaricious. liking nice things isnt the same.)
    avoidant/uncommunicative
    more than a bit sloppy
    promiscuous
    drinks/smokes more than moderately
    stingy

    Deal Breakers
    very poor diet (i.e, only fast food or microwave meals)
    shallow
    closed mind/refusal to listen to other perspectives
    markedly bad manners
    bigoted attitudes, things usually ending in -ism
    hates animals ( i distrust people who arent at least indifferent to other critters)
    inability to see own faults, or no desire to fix them
    chauvinistic/sexist
    violent
    "dead beat dad"
    objectifies people
    dogmatic
    humorless
    self-centered/egotistical
    boisterous/loud mouthed (extroverted is one thing, but i can't stand people who are always loud)
    controlling/bossy
    pathological liar
    willfully ignorant
    frequently reckless
    projection issues
    real apathy
    addictive personality

    "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.."
    -Oscar Wilde



  8. #88
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    Nots:
    smoker
    drugs
    abusive

    Needs:
    Financially independent from me
    smarter than me
    can tolerate kids
    can rationally discuss problems to find resolution
    Accepts me for what I am

  9. #89
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    Must haves:

    Connection with me (we both *get* each other)
    Kindness
    Empathy
    Humour
    Intelligence


    Deal-breakers:

    Porn addiction (unless they were willing to get help to change their ways)
    Cheater
    Assholishness

  10. #90
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phthalocyanine View Post
    this was kind of hard to hammer out.

    Must Haves
    individualism
    intellectual curiosity
    open mind
    compassion
    loving
    good sense of humor
    good taste in books, music, etc
    passion for something!
    beliefs/opinions with thought behind them (even if they differ from mine)
    ability to think critically
    not a sycophantic ass kisser or herd mentality dweller
    sexually open-minded, but sane


    Would likes

    good hygiene
    good manners
    worldliness
    adventurousness
    culinary ability
    quite literate
    active lifestyle
    articulate/linguistically oriented
    intuitive (doesn't necessarily correspond to N vs S)
    animal lover
    interest in the arts
    interest in sciences
    philosophical bent
    good taste in clothes, furniture, etc
    future thinking
    progressive
    personal style
    artistic talent


    Rather Nots
    poor diet
    impatient
    vain
    poor listening skills
    hedonist
    stubborn
    quite traditional
    more than a little conservative (i'm open-minded, but realistically a very conservative person would probably not get on well with me for a long period of time.)
    very competitive (seems like insecurity to me, a little healthy competition doesnt apply to this description)
    very nihilistic (nihilism isn't inherently bad, i am pointing more toward being faithless/hopeless or overly cynical about life.)
    materialistic (i mean greedy/avaricious. liking nice things isnt the same.)
    avoidant/uncommunicative
    more than a bit sloppy
    promiscuous
    drinks/smokes more than moderately
    stingy

    Deal Breakers
    very poor diet (i.e, only fast food or microwave meals)
    shallow
    closed mind/refusal to listen to other perspectives
    markedly bad manners
    bigoted attitudes, things usually ending in -ism
    hates animals ( i distrust people who arent at least indifferent to other critters)
    inability to see own faults, or no desire to fix them
    chauvinistic/sexist
    violent
    "dead beat dad"
    objectifies people
    dogmatic
    humorless
    self-centered/egotistical
    boisterous/loud mouthed (extroverted is one thing, but i can't stand people who are always loud)
    controlling/bossy
    pathological liar
    willfully ignorant
    frequently reckless
    projection issues
    real apathy
    addictive personality
    phthalocyanine, I LOVED this list. I thought it very evocative, and you made some GREAT POINTS! I highlighted my favorites in blue.

    Awww... now I think my list sucked. I may have to post a new one.

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