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  1. #121
    Senior Member paradox fox's Avatar
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    I'm interested in the traits that actually stick around. Things like money, good looks, popularity, have never meant much to me. Short list for now, I'm not inspired enough to get detailed on ideal circumstances. :P

    Must have:
    BALANCE! Everything else falls into place.
    Humble, patient
    Shows a spiritual mind in his actions and life course
    Best friends; able to share anything and everything without reserve
    Treats everyone with dignity and respect
    Honest, yet tactful; good communicator
    Loves learning/trying new things; has a zest for life
    Lurves me! Duh!

    Likes:
    Not afraid to be romantic or sensitive
    Common interests that we enjoy doing together, different interests to keep things diverse
    Some kind of talent (singing's a good one )

    Rather not:
    Sticking rigidly to schedules and
    Yeah, I'll say it: Sports fanatic. It's cool if you like to actually play the sports and get me involved in playing outside, but sitting around glued to the TV or treating sports like a religion is not cool.

    Deal's off:
    Porn
    Infidelity
    No respect for anyone/anything
    Treats me like a possession
    Drugs/smoking/alcoholic
    Controlling
    Violent
    Just because I'm an INFP doesn't mean I'm emo!

  2. #122
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    You need only have "it" to snag me, but for me to stay interested, you've got to make me laugh, we've got to have fun, you've got to mellow me out, and you must generate income. No scrubs.

  3. #123
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by saslou View Post
    I am intrigued by these lists .. I suppose because i don't have one.
    I bet you most of us did not have one either until this thread.

    How much would you actually stick to a list of desires?

    I know you're idealists but are you not being closed minded to an extent to other possibilities?
    I don't evaluate people based on a list. I tend to have a feeling and then maybe analyze it later. The list is sort of based on a late night analysis of my experience & ideals.

    What if a man who was not highly educated, on a low income, short and bold showed interest in you, would you dismiss him because he didn't fit your criteria even though he could of potentially treated you like a queen, been fiercely loyal and had a high EQ.
    None of that falls onto my list under dealbreakers or must-haves, and I don't think any of it falls under my "rather-nots" except for bald (which simply means it's not ideal to me). Highly educated definitely does not equal very intelligent to me. Income means nothing. I can honestly say that height means nothing either (I've dated men shorter than me on more than one occasion).

    OrangeAppled .. Loved the poem/song. That's what i would like from a man/relationship.
    INFP Martin Gore knows about love

    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    I have been married to an INTP for the better part of my adult life. But I'll see what I can do.
    .......
    That's all I can think of at the moment.
    See, Cafe got a good guy .

    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    This is pretty funny.
    Why is that? I meant that I could overlook someone who formerly had a problem with alcohol but who no longer drank - an alcoholic with the problem under control. I can overlook someone's past basically, if they showed a legitimate, total turn-around.

    Quote Originally Posted by Phoenix_400 View Post
    I don't mean to speak for Saslou, but my take on it is its kind of ridiculous to cut somebody for reasons that appear mostly superficial.

    Saslou's examples were more superficial and status related.
    Your examples have more to do with severe character flaws.
    These are two ENTIRELY different things.
    See, I feel my lists of dealbreakers/must-haves were also more focused on character than measurable, material factors. I don't care about income, what car he has (or if he drives at all), if he went to college, how tall he is, what color his eyes are, etc. The rather-nots & would-likes are just icing on the cake, and I feel a lot of those are rather vague & give a lot of wiggle room.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  4. #124
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    I can't marry any of you, even if it was legal.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  5. #125
    Uniqueorn William K's Avatar
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    Maybe it's a cultural difference between the West and the Orient, but "Cursing like a pirate" is not a dealbreaker?
    4w5, Fi>Ne>Ti>Si>Ni>Fe>Te>Se, sp > so > sx

    appreciates being appreciated, conflicted over conflicts, afraid of being afraid, bad at being bad, predictably unpredictable, consistently inconsistent, remarkably unremarkable...

    I may not agree with what you are feeling, but I will defend to death your right to have a good cry over it

    The whole problem with the world is that fools & fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts. ~ Bertrand Russell

  6. #126
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    Quote Originally Posted by William K View Post
    Maybe it's a cultural difference between the West and the Orient, but "Cursing like a pirate" is not a dealbreaker?
    nah

  7. #127
    Senior Member Yloh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    1. Must Haves
    Very intelligent
    Strong moral integrity & standards
    Spiritual
    Physically attractive to me
    Kind, compassionate, thoughtful, considerate, encouraging, supportive
    Emotionally stable
    Loyal
    Responsible
    Affectionate
    Can lead/take initiative
    Good communication skills
    That undefinable chemistry/spark

    1 1/2. Would likes
    Compatible interests/tastes - art, music, food, travel, etc.
    Compatible humor - witty &/or silly, but no comedian needed
    Creative, special talent/expertise/passion for something
    Intellectual, book smarts, analytical side
    Altruistic
    Warm & expressive
    Spontaneous & adventurous - likes NEW things
    Driven/motivated
    Sexay
    Good style/grooming
    ENFJ

    2. Rather Nots
    Lots of tattoos
    Atheist and/or disrespectful of my beliefs
    Sports freak, or generally more physical than cerebral
    Bald
    Very fat or skinny
    Ugly dress & grooming
    Passive / clingy / whiny
    Very reserved/cold
    Loud
    Health nut or very unhealthy habits

    3. Deal Breakers
    Opposites of my must-haves.
    All the usual stuff: violent, drug use/abuse, dishonest, married, bad hygiene, lazy, etc...
    Argumentative, condescending, rude
    Alcoholism (that is not in check)
    Porn fan
    Smoking
    Kids
    Obese
    Asexual
    Obnoxious
    Military / police / owns a gun
    Domineering
    Stupid relationship games, manipulative

    Man, I could keep going....I swear I am more negotiable than this
    Wow, I almost fit your list 100%.

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    [B] I want somebody to share
    Share the rest of my life
    Share my innermost thoughts
    Know my intimate details
    Someone who'll stand by my side
    And give me support
    And in return
    [he'll] get my support
    [He] will listen to me
    When I want to speak
    About the world we live in
    And life in general
    Though my views may be wrong
    They may even be perverted
    [He'll] hear me out
    And won't easily be converted
    To my way of thinking
    In fact [he'll] often disagree
    But at the end of it all
    [he] will understand me

    I want somebody who cares
    For me passionately
    With every thought
    With every breath
    Someone who'll help me see things
    In a different light
    All the things I detest
    I will almost like
    I don't want to be tied
    To anyone's strings
    I'm carefully trying to steer clear of those things

    But when I'm asleep
    I want somebody
    Who will put their arms around me
    And kiss me tenderly
    Though things like this
    Make me sick
    In a case like this
    I'll get away with it
    And in a place like this
    I'll get away with it
    Wow again, it is almost like you dove into my mind and wrote what my ideal woman would want in a man. If I knew you in person I would ask you out.

  8. #128
    Senior Member Xellotath's Avatar
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    // Must Have:
    1 ) Already gone through a formal existential crisis
    2 ) Open-ness to experience
    3 ) Imagination
    4 ) A desire to be internally consistent (logically or emotionally)
    5 ) .... Tolerance for Depeche Mode.
    6 ) Directness

    // Would be _Really_ lovely if he had:
    1 ) A philosophically postmodern / deconstructive outlook
    2 ) Decent health
    3 ) An artistic outlet
    4 ) An academic area of research

    // Eww. Bye.

    1 ) Obsession with mysticism. I want to talk about relationships, not about whether my female energy interfered with the 5th house in my astrology chart, as predicted by the tarot reading he made at midnight, after he invoked Lillith in a Wiccan ritual.
    2 ) Nationalism, racism, homophobia, misoginy, sexism.
    3 ) Losing sleep over unfalsifiable conspiracy theories. Unless you're a govenment security agent, I dont necessarily care that 9/11 was an inside job devised by the illuminati so they'll create a new world order and enslave the rest of us with the brainwashing power of Britney Spears. Really.
    4 ) Loudness.
    5 ) Clowns. Both professional and metaphorical. I would be worried if he was the funniest guy in the room.
    6 ) Animal cruelty.
    7 ) Problem with vegetarians / vegans. (That part of my lifestyle is symbolic, I can co-exist just fine with carnivores)

    "Neurotic, ha!"
    I let out a scornful laugh.
    "If neurotic is wanting two mutually exclusive things at one and the same time, then I'm neurotic as hell.
    I'll be flying back and forth between one mutually exclusive thing and another for the rest of my days.
    "

    — Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar.

  9. #129
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Blimey, NFs are picky!
    Why are you always falling for such losers then?
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  10. #130
    He who laughs
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xellotath View Post
    // Must Have:
    1 ) Already gone through a formal existential crisis
    2 ) Open-ness to experience
    3 ) Imagination
    4 ) A desire to be internally consistent (logically or emotionally)
    5 ) .... Tolerance for Depeche Mode.
    6 ) Directness

    // Would be _Really_ lovely if he had:
    1 ) A philosophically postmodern / deconstructive outlook
    2 ) Decent health
    3 ) An artistic outlet
    4 ) An academic area of research

    // Eww. Bye.

    1 ) Obsession with mysticism. I want to talk about relationships, not about whether my female energy interfered with the 5th house in my astrology chart, as predicted by the tarot reading he made at midnight, after he invoked Lillith in a Wiccan ritual.
    2 ) Nationalism, racism, homophobia, misoginy, sexism.
    3 ) Losing sleep over unfalsifiable conspiracy theories. Unless you're a govenment security agent, I dont necessarily care that 9/11 was an inside job devised by the illuminati so they'll create a new world order and enslave the rest of us with the brainwashing power of Britney Spears. Really.
    4 ) Loudness.
    5 ) Clowns. Both professional and metaphorical. I would be worried if he was the funniest guy in the room.
    6 ) Animal cruelty.
    7 ) Problem with vegetarians / vegans. (That part of my lifestyle is symbolic, I can co-exist just fine with carnivores)
    I really like this list, something I would contribute more to the NF temperament. Or more what I would have expected from more NF's. But then again not all NFs on the forum has/will post-ed on this thread so theres still hope that Ive not been delusional atleast. There is hope for a normal, sort of intelligent, head in the clouds, sort of average dressed and normal looking "bearish physique" guy. It gives me hope

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