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Thread: The NF Females' List of Deal Breakers

  1. #111
    Professional Trickster Array Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Dec 2009


    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    ...the idea of a list seems so exacting and idealistic to's just that I prefer gray areas, where a list seems so black and white, like trying to make a recipe for Prince Charming...I want to keep my options open.
    Oh you're not an ENFP. No ENFP would EVER think like this.

    (My workaround of this core ENFP value is that I understand that it's just a list. In other words, I'm not ever going to myself really cut off interesting options because of something as silly as a list.)

  2. #112
    THIS bitch Array stringstheory's Avatar
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    Jul 2009


    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    (My workaround of this core ENFP value is that I understand that it's just a list. In other words, I'm not ever going to myself really cut off interesting options because of something as silly as a list.)
    Exactly this. I've already had to make amendments because no, of course i'm not going to strictly adhere to it 100% all the time forever always. But the thread IS titled "the NF females' list of deal breakers" so i mean...what else would the thread be besides a Te exercise? I should note that, like probably most of the ladies in this thread, it's REALLY hard for me to articulate why a connection exists between myself and someone else. it simply does. Making lists (AKA using an inferior function) is a great way to try and make some 'real' sense out of these ethereal connections.

    Introverted Feeling (46.7)
    Extraverted Intuition (45.7)
    Introverted Intuition (37.5)
    Introverted Thinking(26.5)
    Extraverted Feeling (25.4)
    Extraverted Thinking (22.1)
    Extraverted Sensing (19.5)
    Introverted Sensing (17.0)

  3. #113
    Professional Trickster Array Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by William K View Post
    ^ Be glad you don't live near where there are real lists like this one
    5 C's of Singapore - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
    Holy mackerel! Thanks for posting, William K. I've never heard of this before and found it VERY, VERY interesting... and surprisingly on point regarding our topic of discussion in this thread.

    Even if some of the lists on this thread have been criticized for the occasional 'superficial' quality, I see NF values in almost all of them. I think NF women, like their male counterparts, seek authentic, deep, meaningful, emotional connections with their lovers and life partners. These non-superficial qualities are the true Holy Grail of NF relationships. In other words, all joking aside, the 5 Cs of Singapore is the very antithesis of the NF worldview.

    BTW, I found another interesting article on the 5 Cs of Singapore in the NYTs. You can check it out by clicking here.

    So gentleman, you think you've got it bad. Move to Singapore and see if you've got it any better there.

  4. #114
    Uniqueorn Array William K's Avatar
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    Aug 2009


    Quote Originally Posted by stringstheory View Post
    also, the long as you watch gymnastics/ice skating with me, i will watch whatever you want :P that is all.
    Ok, those two I can bear... but please, not synchronized swimming
    4w5, Fi>Ne>Ti>Si>Ni>Fe>Te>Se, sp > so > sx

    appreciates being appreciated, conflicted over conflicts, afraid of being afraid, bad at being bad, predictably unpredictable, consistently inconsistent, remarkably unremarkable...

    I may not agree with what you are feeling, but I will defend to death your right to have a good cry over it

    The whole problem with the world is that fools & fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts. ~ Bertrand Russell

  5. #115
    Post-Humorously Array stalemate's Avatar
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    May 2010


    Quote Originally Posted by stringstheory View Post
    Actually, i just woke up from a dream and sorta realized this, but i hereby amend my list to include soccer fans ONLY. i forgot that soccer is ok and that i'll maybe kinda sit down to watch it for a minute. also, the long as you watch gymnastics/ice skating with me, i will watch whatever you want :P that is all.
    Gymnastics and ice skating are the 2 best parts...

  6. #116
    Senior Member Array Saslou's Avatar
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    Feb 2009


    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post

    I think it's a little strange to be getting up in arms about peoples' lists; I mean, we're all different, everyone has their own quirks/desires out of a partner. (and I'm not directing this comment at you, saslou - there are several in the thread)

    Yes, keeping to these lists to the extreme, and to the letter, might mean the person will write off a very good person, but honestly most people make these lists from a combo of experience, as well as their own values and what they're personally desiring, and most probably do flex.
    Although not directed at me .. I am going to answer

    It may be perceived i was up in arms .. However, what people think and what actually is, is 2 very different things.

    I aware people are different .. Which is why i enjoy getting different opinions. I don't want everyone thinking like me .. Where is the fun in that

    If people choose to get defensive over a question .. It isn't my problem and i won't feel bad for trying to get another perspective on this whole list thing.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  7. #117
    Senior Member Array Phoenix_400's Avatar
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    Sep 2009


    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    Rigidity, IMO, is almost always stupid. There's no accounting for stupidity in either direction. Stupid is just stupid.
    Lol! It kind of goes with the old saying, "Ignorance can be fixed, but stupid is to the bone".

    Maybe it's Fe, but I just have a tendency to, at least mentally, translate unwritten rules and vibes into written rules, principles. Or maybe it's Ni -- inductive reasoning. Like, this guy was giving my mom a ride to religious meetings out of town on a regular basis, but he didn't ever want to stop to let her use the restroom because he was impatient to get back. It wasn't a romantic situation or anything between them, but I would have a lot of trouble respecting the religion of someone who would knowingly allow another person to suffer when it was so easily in his power to alleviate it. I wouldn't hire someone like that to, say, look after small children, animals, or sick people. I don't think I'd hire him to be a prison guard.

    So I could translate that into a 'rule' or principle if I wanted - like, "Don't put a person who shows a lack of compassion in small areas in a position that requires compassion, without direct supervision."

    Of course, you'd want to make sure that your observations were accurate in the first place -- say he had stopped at a gas station to let my mom use the restroom a couple of times and each time she had chit-chatted with the cashier for half an hour or had come back to his car smelling so strongly of cigarette smoke that he nearly gagged.

    You'd also want to make sure that there wasn't some kind of specific situation, like, he had to get to work or he was trying to make hospital visiting hours to see his sick mother, etc.

    If there weren't special circumstances, then probably the guy is kind of a dick.

    But of course use your brain. Always use your brain. It's not in there to just keep your skull from caving in, after all.
    Good post. I think, at the core, our ideas on the subject are fairly similar. It seems to be down to our way of explaining things rather than a large difference in views(though there are some differences).

    OTOH, you're a dude, right? Say you get hooked up with the wrong woman. Your odds of being really, physically injured by her are relatively small. Your odds of being killed by her are relatively small. Your odds of winding up with the custodial care of an unplanned child are relatively small.

    She might hurt you emotionally and financially, but that's more reversible than, say, getting your face smashed in or getting dead. Paying child support is less demanding than 24/7 childcare.

    IOW, it's possible you can better afford to let things ride and see how they go than a woman can.
    A valid point, but I could give examples of women who actually caused great physical,emotional, and financial harm to people I've known(to the point of near ruin and/or required medical attention). Odds aren't as small as some people are lead to believe.
    Anyway, I've gotten into the discussion of double standards on this topic in a couple of threads here in the past. I'd rather not go into it on this thread as I don't want to spin it too far off topic.

    TO ALL: This has been an interesting debate. I've gained a bit of perspective and have some new viewpoints to process. I'm going to bow out of this thread before I sidetrack it too much. Thanks to all for indulging my curiosity. You ladies enjoy the list making fun. I'm gonna sit back, , and try not to interrupt.
    "People in glass houses shouldn't use Windex when living near bird sanctuaries."- myself

    "We are never alone my friend. We are constantly in the company of victories, losses, strengths and weaknesses. Make no mistake, life is war...and war is hell. Those who fight the hardest will suffer the most...but that's what you have to do: Fight. As long as you're feeling pain, then there's hope...because only the dead do not suffer." -RD Metcalf

  8. #118
    Senior Member Array Moiety's Avatar
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    Aug 2008


    Just wanted to chime in to say that lists are unfairly demonized when you really think about it. There is nothing wrong about knowing EXACTLY what you want, nor is there anything wrong with being idealistic about things.

  9. #119
    Professional Trickster Array Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Dec 2009


    This thread reminds me of one of my favorite scenes in Much Ado About Nothing:

    One woman is fair, yet I am well.
    Another is wise, yet I am well. Another, virtuous, yet I am well.
    But till all graces be in one woman... woman shall not come in my grace.
    Rich she shall be, that's certain.
    Wise, or I'll none.
    Virtuous, or I'll never cheapen her.
    Fair, or I'll never look on her.
    ...or come not near me.
    Of good discourse. An excellent musician.
    And her hair...
    ...shall be...
    ...of what color it please God.
    - Benedick from Act II, Scene II in 'Much Ado About Nothing'
    Seems like people have been making such lists for a very long time. I guess it's true. The world must be peopled.

  10. #120
    The Duchess of Oddity Array Queen Kat's Avatar
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    Apr 2009


    Must Haves
    • Kindness
    • Calmness
    • Optimism
    • Warmness
    • Respect
    • Tolerance
    • Sense of humor
    • Sense of adventure
    • Handiness
    • Male
    • Ability to laugh
    • Quirks

    Rather Nots
    • Unhealthy lifestyle
    • Healthfreakishness (just leave it in the middle)
    • Criminal record
    • Always obeying the rules
    • Much higher intelligence than mine

    Deal Breakers
    • Bad personal hygiene
    • Addictions
    • Cruelty towards animals
    • Racism
    • Homophobia
    • Political views that are very different from mine
    • Dominance
    • Preachiness
    • Boring personality
    • More feminine than me
    • Taking everything too seriously
    I was sitting outside the classroom waiting to go in, and I saw an airplane hit the tower. The TV was obviously on. I used to fly myself and I said, "There's one terrible pilot."
    - George W. Bush -

    SCUAI - 7w8 sx/sp - Chaotic Evil - Fucking Cute - ALIVE

    Blog. Read it, bitches.
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    If you don't agree about my MBTI type, you can complain about it here. I've had plenty of people telling me I'm something else, in my reputation box. That's annoying.

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