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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by RedruM View Post
    Here's some advice from a fellow ENFJ male... repeat this mantra daily and you'll probably start to feel better..."Thank God I'm not an INFJ male... Thank God I'm not an INFJ male. Thank God I'm not an INFJ male." They got it a lot tougher than we do bro.




    Care to elaborate sir?
    While I agree extroverts have it easier than introverts on average, I enjoy being an INFJ male. I like being able to get along with pretty much any (healthy) personality type and I also enjoy being able to see the gears turning in people's heads. Maybe I don't fit in as well as some, but you know what, we live in a f***ed up world where a lot of the people who fit in the easiest are soul-less pricks who get theirs in the long run.

    Sorry for the rant, but as I often say, it felt good to write.
    Last edited by Lady_X; 01-07-2014 at 12:46 PM.
    A hero is someone who does the right thing without expectation of reward, just because it's the right thing to do.

  2. #12
    Scream down the boulevard LadyJaye's Avatar
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    As a person who is incapable of divorcing myself from my feelings, I have one piece of advice that was given to me and it helped me greatly : Your feelings are there to tell you something important, either about yourself or a situation, so that's a good thing. But a feeling stops being a good thing when it takes you over. ( Like when people can't control their anger, for example) I used to resist acknowledging a feeling, because it felt like I couldn't combat it if I did. But, someone told me once that " A feeling is just a feeling", and suddenly it made sense. Ultimately, you can choose the thoughts you entertain, and you can say, " Alright, I feel XYZ. I choose to not allow it to overwhelm me. What is it trying to tell me so I can resolve this?"

    Not to sound as if I'm dismissing your feelings. Not at all. Just the intensity of them. Sometimes I have to just let them flow over me and tell myself that I'm the one in control - they don't decide what I choose to do.

    Though, I live with an ENFJ, and Fe can really be a bear to deal with. She really wrestles with being slammed with something she wasn't expecting, and having a wave of Fe wash over her. I sometimes think that Fi is a blessing.

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by LotsOfHeart View Post
    While I agree extroverts have it easier than introverts on average, I enjoy being an INFJ male. I like being able to get along with pretty much any (healthy) personality type and I also enjoy being able to see the gears turning in people's heads. Maybe I don't fit in as well as some, but you know what, we live in a f***ed up world where a lot of the people who fit in the easiest are soul-less pricks who get theirs in the long run.

    Sorry for the rant, but as I often say, it felt good to write.
    I hope you didn’t take what I said as an insult, it wasn't intended to be…. It was a joke dude.. relax..And I wasn’t referring to all extroverts…nor was I referring to “fitting in”…

    I was only referring to the NFJ male in general….

    I know several male ENFJs and a few INFJ males and I was more referring to the Ni>Fe and the Fe>Ni….. When I go out with the xNFJs… it is clearly apparent that my INFJ friends simply have a more difficult time socializing and also a more difficult time when it comes to overanalyzing things. Even they themselves admit this… that’s all I was referring to..

    C’mon dude.. I’m an ENFJ… Why would I be hating on my INFJ brothers..

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by RedruM View Post
    I hope you didn’t take what I said as an insult, it wasn't intended to be…. It was a joke dude.. relax..And I wasn’t referring to all extroverts…nor was I referring to “fitting in”…

    I was only referring to the NFJ male in general….

    I know several male ENFJs and a few INFJ males and I was more referring to the Ni>Fe and the Fe>Ni….. When I go out with the xNFJs… it is clearly apparent that my INFJ friends simply have a more difficult time socializing and also a more difficult time when it comes to overanalyzing things. Even they themselves admit this… that’s all I was referring to..

    C’mon dude.. I’m an ENFJ… Why would I be hating on my INFJ brothers..
    Haha, no worries, I didn't take it as an insult. Sorry if I went off on a tangent there. I guess I just felt since my kind are so few I'd point out that even though it is tough, I like being me. I won't deny it's hard though.

    I guess most of my post was just a rant. It is frustrating sometimes being in the situations you just described. I really want to be good at socializing, but it seems no matter how hard I try, I usually go un-noticed and ignored by most people. It's weird because in my own opinion I'd rather hang out with someone like me than hang out with most of the people I've known who have a sh*t-ton of friends. Not that I'm such a great person or anything, I like to think I'm a good person, but many of the people I've known who have tons of friends/followers are unspeakable jerks. They're mean/disrespectful, overly-opinionated and generally don't treat others well. It's like they have so many friends, so many people who are at their beck and call, that they ironically take them for granted and don't treat them very well. Yet those people stay hanging around them. Eventually I just had to learn the lesson that a lot of it has nothing to do with how nice you are, how hard-working you are or even how successful you are. There are certain un-spoken connections people have which are very individual, and there is something about extreme extroverts that draws many people to them. Sometimes people want to hang around others for bad reasons that have nothing to do with you, i.e. they had a bad upbringing and they know nothing but messed up relationships, so it feels familiar to them.

    Yet, even though I go through the stuff you mentioned above, I live in a generally happy world where I take pride in my ability to make my own decisions, which are more often than not the best ones for me. I can see when someone's trying to screw someone else over a mile away. That has helped myself and others on many occasions. I'm extremely aware of character. Another cool thing is that the friendships I DO make, while fewer than many others, tend to be extremely strong. In fact, I came up with a list of ten people in my life right now who I care about very deeply and feel the same way about me. That to me is astonishing. The people who have an easy time socially tend to have many more friends than I do, but also have way more enemies. I have very few, if any, enemies. People usually either like me or don't notice I exist. The latter applies most often I'd say, but it's way better than being disliked.

    So now, to bring everything back to the original topic (I apologize for the deviation), ENFJs, ENFPs and extroverted feelers in general have often been angels in my life. Take my ENFJ friend who is one of my best friends for instance (and we are like brothers, he said so himself). He has better overall people-skills than I do, and is nice enough to use those skills to help me. He introduces me to others and helps me make friendships I normally would never have had. These have proven to be pretty rewarding friendships in some cases. Another great thing is that we both help each other out, and there is no thought of paying anyone back. Every time I help him with something, I know he would do the same for me. That's pretty rare in friendships from my experience. And he often helps me and hopefully thinks the same.

    ENFx's also, from my experience, are able to see the good in people that goes ignored by most others. Those are important skills to have.

    Ultimately, everyone has strengths and weaknesses in personality, but good people are able to make the most of their strengths and make effort to improve upon their weaknesses.
    Last edited by Lady_X; 01-07-2014 at 12:47 PM.
    A hero is someone who does the right thing without expectation of reward, just because it's the right thing to do.

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by LadyJaye View Post
    As a person who is incapable of divorcing myself from my feelings, I have one piece of advice that was given to me and it helped me greatly : Your feelings are there to tell you something important, either about yourself or a situation, so that's a good thing. But a feeling stops being a good thing when it takes you over. ( Like when people can't control their anger, for example) I used to resist acknowledging a feeling, because it felt like I couldn't combat it if I did. But, someone told me once that " A feeling is just a feeling", and suddenly it made sense. Ultimately, you can choose the thoughts you entertain, and you can say, " Alright, I feel XYZ. I choose to not allow it to overwhelm me. What is it trying to tell me so I can resolve this?"
    Not to sound as if I'm dismissing your feelings. Not at all. Just the intensity of them. Sometimes I have to just let them flow over me and tell myself that I'm the one in control - they don't decide what I choose to do.
    Though, I live with an ENFJ, and Fe can really be a bear to deal with. She really wrestles with being slammed with something she wasn't expecting, and having a wave of Fe wash over her. I sometimes think that Fi is a blessing.
    I relate to all of this with emphasis on the bolded parts. Sometimes it's hard to get past the feeling to understanding what it's trying to tell you. What I've done at those times is realize I'm feeling what I'm feeling and that I can let them have a backseat (if it's anger) and consciously act in kindness or compassion instead, even if I don't feel like being kind or compassionate. It doesn't matter if I don't feel these things in the moment. The action itself changes the bad feelings...or allows me to deal with them later.

  6. #16
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LotsOfHeart View Post
    While I agree extroverts have it easier than introverts on average, I enjoy being an INFJ male. I...enjoy being able to see the gears turning in people's heads. Maybe I don't fit in as well as some, but you know what, we live in a f***ed up world where a lot of the people who fit in the easiest are soul-less pricks who get theirs in the long run. Sorry for the rant, but as I often say, it felt good to write.
    I laughed so hard when I read this. Right on!!!! I completely respect this position.

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    I laughed so hard when I read this. Right on!!!! I completely respect this position.
    LOL....thank you!!! I love your profile picture btw!
    A hero is someone who does the right thing without expectation of reward, just because it's the right thing to do.

  8. #18
    Scream down the boulevard LadyJaye's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren View Post
    I relate to all of this with emphasis on the bolded parts. Sometimes it's hard to get past the feeling to understanding what it's trying to tell you. What I've done at those times is realize I'm feeling what I'm feeling and that I can let them have a backseat (if it's anger) and consciously act in kindness or compassion instead, even if I don't feel like being kind or compassionate. It doesn't matter if I don't feel these things in the moment. The action itself changes the bad feelings...or allows me to deal with them later.
    Exactly! And it sounds so simplistic in theory, like when I first heard someone tell me this, I couldn't believe I actually needed someone to explain this to me because it seemed so elementary. But I really did need it to be laid out to me - I think it's almost impossibly difficult to hear your inner voice saying these things to you when you're in the middle of an emotional storm.

    It was such a relief to know that my feelings weren't more important than my sanity. What a concept. It's wonderful that you can do that to help yourself as well.

  9. #19
    Member Aimee's Avatar
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    I love it that you wish you could feel less. Sorry, but your angst is a turn-on to me :-D

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aimee View Post
    I love it that you wish you could feel less. Sorry, but your angst is a turn-on to me :-D
    Your passionate nature, that is. . .

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