Alright, so I've been thinking about all this type stuff, and I'm feeling very lost. I want to understand myself, and other people, but it is difficult to get everything on target. I have plenty of scattered ideas about who I am and what my purpose is, but I feel like there's nothing I know for sure.
I'm probably not making any sense. I'm not even sure exactly what I want. Basically, I want to better understand myself, and maybe asking questions here is a good way to do it.
Now, I am pretty sure I am an INFP, though I could be an INTP. Actually, as far as I know, I could be any type. The more I learn about this stuff, the more confusing it is.
So here's what I'll do-- I'll just go through each letter (I-N-F-P) and ask questions about them. Maybe we'll find that I am not the type I thought I was.
So we'll start with Introvert. I've always considered myself an introvert. Most people would say I'm quiet, and I'm definitely not a social person. I'm pretty certain that I am an introvert (big time), but I'm a little confused as to what it is to be an introvert because I remember seeing on this forum that somebody said being an introvert means you process thoughts internally. According to that person, this is all that the 'I' means. This seems strange to me because I thought most people process thoughts internally. I mean, they're thoughts. Thoughts are usually an internal thing.
Of course, sometimes people do find it helpful to talk things out with another person. Even I find that helpful sometimes.
So if I did that often, would that mean I'm an extrovert even if I'm an unsocial loner?
Perhaps you see where my confusion is coming from. If you need me to elaborate, let me know.
Alright, so then there's iNtuition. Again, I'm pretty sure that this fits me quite well. Compared to most people, I believe I have an abstract way of thinking, and I am interested in abstract things like psychology and philosophy. However, I do sometimes do things that involve the senses. Pretty much ever day I will either listen to music or watch TV. I don't believe either of these things (especially the latter) serve only to stimulate the senses, but they do more so than other things, such as reading a book on philosophy.
So does my TV watching and music listening mean that I might be a sensor?
Like I said, I am pretty sure about the INP, but I think I'm pretty in between as far as F vs T. The problem here is that it's hard to know what is a feeling and what is a thought. Feelings are usually considered more irrational, but thoughts can be also be irrational. Sometimes I have to wonder if what I'm feeling is an actual emotion, or if what I'm thinking is actually a feeling.
And sometimes it seems like other people are too emotional, which suggests that I may be more of a thinker.
Either way, I believe I'm in pretty between here, so I'm not as concerned about it.
One of the most confusing ones for me is the J vs P. I believe I am an INFP, but so many descriptions I've read seem to be saying that P types are more carefree, while J types are more rigid and uptight.
I don't know that I would describe myself as rigid and uptight, but I am certainly not carefree. I always seem to be tormenting myself about something.
For me, I don't necessarily feel more comfortable keeping my options open. I am incredibly indecisive, but I don't really want to be. It isn't that I can't make a decision. It's just that I can never be sure of the decisions I make. Once I do something, I look back and wonder if I made the right decision.
Take this whole journey to decide my type. I would like to come to some final decision about what it is, but even when I think I know what it is, I continue searching because I don't know for certain.
So is this constant search to know the truth more characteristic of a P type of a J type?
Another thing I've noticed about myself is that when I feel very unsure of myself, I will sometimes look externally for the answers. That's pretty much what I'm doing right now by asking a forum for help.
What does this mean? Is this an extrovert trait?
The problem is that if what I find does not line up with what I actually believe, I will STILL continue searching until I find some sort of synthesis.
For instance, I believe that I am an INFP, but am not sure. If people were to tell me that I am actually an ISFP (or anything other that INFP/INTP), I would not just take that as truth and disregard my original belief that I am an INFP. Instead, I would continue searching until I know the truth internally-- until I actually believe for myself. Still, I do reach out externally for guidance. Again, that is basically what I am doing right now.
Ahh! See how we're going on all kinds or crazy circles?!
I think I'm done rambling. I apologize for the incoherency of this post. Hopefully you get the gist of it.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to listen to some Tool and read a book on philosophy.
Thanks for reading.
~ Alternative Solution