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Thread: ENFP women

  1. #1
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Default ENFP women

    Some questions for you! I've had a lot of fun with the ENFP's I've known over the years. Great dynamic, lots of laughing, they're intrigued by me, they enjoy my humor and, basically, I could see myself "settling down" with one (*gasp* ). Every individual is different, but the ones I've known, I could envision myself loving them long-term.

    I have my eye on one at the moment. I've been an acquaintance of this girl for about 3 years now (she's a close friend of several of my friends), but there hasn't been much 1-on-1 conversation in that time. We only know things about each other "through the grapevine" and through personal observation, but when we have been together, there seems to be this "strange, unspoken, mutual intrigue". It's almost like if there is one zebra who has been at the zoo by himself for a long time and then they put another zebra in the pen with him and the two zebras can't stop sniffing each other's rear ends (extreeeeemely romantic visual, I know) But, really, it's as if we're both giving each other glances as if to say, "I don't exactly know how to approach you or what to say to you, but there's something about you that really intrigues me." What needs to happen is we need to break the Ne-ice and get the Ne-to-Ne conversation going. That would open things up real fast. But, like I said, I've only seen her Ne (LOTS OF IT) in groups, but I myself have not been able to interact with her 1-on-1.

    Anyways, on to the questions. Just some general questions about your type. Don't be offended (it's obvious that I'm a huge fan of your type), this is just me asking real questions based on my real experiences with your type.

    1. How do you guys view long-term commitment? On this page (http://www.9types.com/descr/7/), it says that one of the hardest things about being a type 7 (I know not all of you are type 7) is that you "feel confined in a 1-on-1 relationship". If you find someone who you love and who loves you through and through, is committing for a lifetime still a "scary thing"? Try to speak from your actual experience rather than your idealistic romantic ideals. Once you get 3-5 years into the relationship, are you starting to get bored?

    2. Let's face it, P's have a lazy streak. I've had periods in my life where I wasn't very productive at all. I'm all about freedom of choice and space in a relationship, but if I were to end up with an ENFP, one thing that could possibly frustrate me to no end, would be if it was taken for granted that I'm the sole bread winner in the family. I have no problem being that person in the relationship, but what would really irk me is after 5 years if she just started staying at home, playing video games on the computer. She doesn't have to have a 6-figure job or anything, but basically, I'd want her to contribute to the family in a big way because we're in it together. Have some humanitarian hobbies, go hang out with your girls, etc. But, contribute to us and what we are doing before you "play games" and "go for nature walks". Is this something you guys struggle with? I only ask because I've seen it with the ENFP's I've known.

    3. Basically, what's the ideal for you in a LTR? What keeps you interested, committed, and fully engaged with one person for years to come?
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  2. #2
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    i test type 7 (i think i am??) and ltr don't scare me. i don't have a wandering eye. i do get restless and want to change things up. i will go nuts in the same routine for too long and start fantasizing about moving or redecorating or changing jobs...or at least getting out of town a bit every once and awhile...but no i don't think i sure wish i had a new bf.

    enfps can be lazy with mundane things yes...but equality is very important and i don't want someone doing everything for me...i would rather divide things up based on who hates what the least and have both people contributing in their own way.

    i think the important thing to remember in ltr is to never think you know all there is to know...never stop growing and exploring with each other...don't take each other for granted...don't stop appreciating all of those things you love just because they're always there...have your own interests but never lose interest in each other...don't dazzle her with all your cool intp insight and then start keeping it all to yourself.

    also...what i can kinda see happening in an intp/enfp relationship is that it would be a very ne based intellectual type connection that would be a bit more gratifying for the intp than the enfp because although i think most of us love that we also crave deep emotional connection so you'd have to be cognizant of that and do your best to go there with her by opening up and being more vulnerable than you might be comfortable with.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  3. #3
    THIS bitch stringstheory's Avatar
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    Hmmm i'll just go on down the line and answer one by one, yeah?

    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    1. How do you guys view long-term commitment? On this page (http://www.9types.com/descr/7/), it says that one of the hardest things about being a type 7 (I know not all of you are type 7) is that you "feel confined in a 1-on-1 relationship". If you find someone who you love and who loves you through and through, is committing for a lifetime still a "scary thing"? Try to speak from your actual experience rather than your idealistic romantic ideals. Once you get 3-5 years into the relationship, are you starting to get bored?
    I've never been in any kind of committed relationship any longer than 2 years (however, not because of my doing :P) I remember feeling confined and scared in a 1 on 1 relationship when i was younger and stupidly rushed into them, however now i take my time and date around before i become exclusive with someone because yes, i do get "bored" easily. that's why i'm happy to have learned my personal lesson. before i met my current partner, i casually dated around for 2 years until i met someone i just couldn't stop thinking about, no matter who i was with. when we chose to be exclusive after growing less and less casual for ~2 months, it was probably the first time that decision ever felt "right". i think if i ever feel scared or confined again, it will be a good indicator that i need to end an exclusive relationship ASAP.

    2. Let's face it, P's have a lazy streak. I've had periods in my life where I wasn't very productive at all. I'm all about freedom of choice and space in a relationship, but if I were to end up with an ENFP, one thing that could possibly frustrate me to no end, would be if it was taken for granted that I'm the sole bread winner in the family. I have no problem being that person in the relationship, but what would really irk me is after 5 years if she just started staying at home, playing video games on the computer. She doesn't have to have a 6-figure job or anything, but basically, I'd want her to contribute to the family in a big way because we're in it together. Have some humanitarian hobbies, go hang out with your girls, etc. But, contribute to us and what we are doing before you "play games" and "go for nature walks". Is this something you guys struggle with? I only ask because I've seen it with the ENFP's I've known.
    Sometimes, but for me, these feelings usually only last short-term...like when i lost my last job, i'd usually spend a month or 2 busting my ass looking for a new one, and then 3 weeks of having no motivation to do so because...why bother? it's easier to escape into fun things when you're depressed.

    however, i just need to be gently reminded of those mundane details from time to time. even though they're "important", to me they just aren't in the grand scheme of things. i'm a big picture kinda gal. my head is in a million different places during the day, so if you want me to do my dishes before i go hang out with my friends or try to save the freakin' world, please communicate that to me somehow :P Otherwise i may forget sometimes.

    i just wanted to touch on the "humanitarian hobbies" thing you said because i'm not sure if i understood you correctly but i felt like i should make this clear...there is a reason they call ENFP "The Advocate". from my perspective it might be nice of you to forgive short-term lack of contribution once in a while in the case of "humanitarian hobbies" that we are highly passionate about. Family and friends will always be very high on my priority list, don't get me wrong, but often ENFPs are passionate about people no matter what their relationship is to us. I understand that certain people place more priority on them and theirs. That's cool, it makes perfect sense in most cases and hopefully your ENFP feels the same. But sometimes i operate as if i am answering to a "higher authority" and in a LTR i want someone who will understand that in order for ME to feel complete, i need to be out there making a difference in my community. Besides, at some point my short burst of energy will run out and i will retreat back into my personal world where i want nothing more than a clean, happy, safe haven.

    3. Basically, what's the ideal for you in a LTR? What keeps you interested, committed, and fully engaged with one person for years to come?
    There is a reason i prefer the term "partner" to "boyfriend" or "girlfriend". If i am committing it is because i want you to share your life with me and vice versa. I want long-term interaction, if that makes sense? I want to feel like i'm understood and part of my partners life... to me this means that i am being supported in my endeavors and encouraged to be exactly who i am because i can guarantee i will be doing the same for you. I feel like beliefs and dreams are a huge part of who a person is; if i feel like those are not important to you, then i feel like all of me is being rejected.

    everyone expresses that support and understanding in their own ways, but luckily we're ENFP....i'll usually figure out real quick if that's what's going on or not
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  4. #4
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    1. How do you guys view long-term commitment? If you find someone who you love and who loves you through and through, is committing for a lifetime still a "scary thing"? Try to speak from your actual experience rather than your idealistic romantic ideals. Once you get 3-5 years into the relationship, are you starting to get bored?

    I want one. I don't see a point in dating at all without the potential for long term committment there. Do I get bored? Probably. Definitely. Though, in my experience, boring is a necessary evil of online relationships which is what I've spent most of my life in, so maybe I'm a bit bias on it. If someone loved me through and through, it does me little good.. I have to love them back. If I do though, committing to them seems right, not scary.

    2. Let's face it, P's have a lazy streak. I've had periods in my life where I wasn't very productive at all. I'm all about freedom of choice and space in a relationship, but if I were to end up with an ENFP, one thing that could possibly frustrate me to no end, would be if it was taken for granted that I'm the sole bread winner in the family. I have no problem being that person in the relationship, but what would really irk me is after 5 years if she just started staying at home, playing video games on the computer. She doesn't have to have a 6-figure job or anything, but basically, I'd want her to contribute to the family in a big way because we're in it together. Have some humanitarian hobbies, go hang out with your girls, etc. But, contribute to us and what we are doing before you "play games" and "go for nature walks". Is this something you guys struggle with? I only ask because I've seen it with the ENFP's I've known.

    I don't really enjoy just staying home and doing nothing. It's nice every so often, and sometimes I need the rest, but being true to my type 8 ways, It is impossible for me to not contribute. I will mention here though.. that a 2 income trap can be a dangerous thing to rely on. If I were to ever have children, I don't know if I could be the one staying at home and caring for it.. I become depressed when I am stuck in the household too long. Laziness irks me as well. I understand it's necessary, and even comforting at times.. but overall consistent laziness bothers me and eventually causes resentment (not cleaning up after one's self constantly, etc.)

    3. Basically, what's the ideal for you in a LTR? What keeps you interested, committed, and fully engaged with one person for years to come?

    If you are yourself in the time I have known you, and I am still in a relationship with you after 1 year's time, than chances are you're naturally interesting to me. I don't require a whole lot... just some motivation, dedication, the ability to take care of yourself and love yourself, etc. I can say that things that made relationships of mine fall apart: People who tried to change who I was, people who were surprised that how they saw me in one environment isn't how I am in all environments.. I mold to the settings around me.. I don't change who I am, just how I react, and people mistake who I am in one place with who I am as a whole. People think I am always bubbly, bright, happy, and crazy.. So when they move in with me, and I'm chilled out, settled down, and relaxed at home (aka not with people, which energizes me) they become disappointed in how 'normal' I turned out to be. Also, sadly the case in my longest relationship, the fact that I wasn't motivation enough for them to set a goal and achieve it so that we could be closer together was a dealbreaker.
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  5. #5
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    1. How do you guys view long-term commitment? If you find someone who you love and who loves you through and through, is committing for a lifetime still a "scary thing"? Try to speak from your actual experience rather than your idealistic romantic ideals. Once you get 3-5 years into the relationship, are you starting to get bored?

    I want one. I don't see a point in dating at all without the potential for long term committment there. Do I get bored? Probably. Definitely. Though, in my experience, boring is a necessary evil of online relationships which is what I've spent most of my life in, so maybe I'm a bit bias on it. If someone loved me through and through, it does me little good.. I have to love them back. If I do though, committing to them seems right, not scary.

    2. Let's face it, P's have a lazy streak. I've had periods in my life where I wasn't very productive at all. I'm all about freedom of choice and space in a relationship, but if I were to end up with an ENFP, one thing that could possibly frustrate me to no end, would be if it was taken for granted that I'm the sole bread winner in the family. I have no problem being that person in the relationship, but what would really irk me is after 5 years if she just started staying at home, playing video games on the computer. She doesn't have to have a 6-figure job or anything, but basically, I'd want her to contribute to the family in a big way because we're in it together. Have some humanitarian hobbies, go hang out with your girls, etc. But, contribute to us and what we are doing before you "play games" and "go for nature walks". Is this something you guys struggle with? I only ask because I've seen it with the ENFP's I've known.

    I don't really enjoy just staying home and doing nothing. It's nice every so often, and sometimes I need the rest, but being true to my type 8 ways, It is impossible for me to not contribute. I will mention here though.. that a 2 income trap can be a dangerous thing to rely on. If I were to ever have children, I don't know if I could be the one staying at home and caring for it.. I become depressed when I am stuck in the household too long. Laziness irks me as well. I understand it's necessary, and even comforting at times.. but overall consistent laziness bothers me and eventually causes resentment (not cleaning up after one's self constantly, etc.)

    3. Basically, what's the ideal for you in a LTR? What keeps you interested, committed, and fully engaged with one person for years to come?

    If you are yourself in the time I have known you, and I am still in a relationship with you after 1 year's time, than chances are you're naturally interesting to me. I don't require a whole lot... just some motivation, dedication, the ability to take care of yourself and love yourself, etc. I can say that things that made relationships of mine fall apart: People who tried to change who I was, people who were surprised that how they saw me in one environment isn't how I am in all environments.. I mold to the settings around me.. I don't change who I am, just how I react, and people mistake who I am in one place with who I am as a whole. People think I am always bubbly, bright, happy, and crazy.. So when they move in with me, and I'm chilled out, settled down, and relaxed at home (aka not with people, which energizes me) they become disappointed in how 'normal' I turned out to be. Also, sadly the case in my longest relationship, the fact that I wasn't motivation enough for them to set a goal and achieve it so that we could be closer together was a dealbreaker.
    ughh...me too...i like that about myself but i'm not sure everyone does. :/
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  6. #6
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Thanks for the responses so far!

    To respond in a general way to what all of you said:

    I would never expect a girl to be confined to the house and to do my dishes and all that kind of stuff. I would much sooner encourage her to engage in her humanitarian efforts and her dreams and passions in life than to just stay at home all day. So, I guess that was a misperception on my part (that she would stay home and be lazy). I guess I should have said it like this:

    I would encourage her to have a job if she wants, or to not have a job if she wants to do other things, but I have to admit, I had 1 ENFP female in particular in my mind when I talked about being lazy. She wasn't lazy in the sense that she didn't "do things". She was all over the place, doing this and doing that, but she wasn't very fond of holding down a job. I admired some of the other things she was doing in her life, but she was relying on other people to help her with rent and stuff like that. And so, with her, I just envisioned myself being the only one who would be willing to do "the practical things" that are necessary in life. I mean, as an INTP, I don't like doing the little things either sometimes. They bog me down. They bore me, etc. But, I don't want to be the only one who is going to pay attention to those things. It would be nice to have help.

    This girl was doing some really good things. But, she really was looking for someone to kind of be a sugar daddy (so that she could go do all of her things freely without worrying about money). I told her right away that this approach to life would never fly with me. I admire it. I admire the outside the box thinking and the creativity and the dislike for the "rat race" of life - I'm the same way, so I get it! But, we do live in reality. So, these things have to be dealt with on some level. Like I said, I wouldn't mind being the bread winner and allowing her freedom to pursue some of her passions. But, I can't just bring home the bacon while she "farts around all day saving trees". Does that make sense? I encourage you to do those things. Be you! I'll love you for it. But, don't forget that we have a household to run and a real relationship that requires that dishes be done from time to time and finances to manage, etc, etc. That's just reality.

    Edit: By the way, this isn't about the ENFP I mentioned in my OP. She's not my significant other, obviously. We barely know each other - just in the "intrigued stage". But, I have known several ENFP's and so I'm just looking for a general understanding of the type and what I'd be getting myself into in a LTR.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  7. #7
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    yeah totally...i'm sure most people get that....not an enfp thing not to.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  8. #8
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    yeah totally...i'm sure most people get that....not an enfp thing not to.
    OK good to know. Thanks. That's basically what I was getting at in my OP - wanting to know if these things are "weak spots" for ENFP's.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  9. #9
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    depends on who's asking i think. i would assume the two types would have a similar approach to mundane tasks.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  10. #10
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    INTPness, I think one of the things you have to consider is that your ENFP will need and want emotional support and affirmation from you. This is very important to ENFPs... We're not clingy. Far from it. But we love to shower love on our loved ones as much as we love getting it in return.

    There would be times with your ENFP when your Introverted Thinking will clash with her Introverted Feeling. And, you may be logically correct. But are you going to be able to see past that logic and see that for your ENFP, what she needs at that moment is emotional support which you may not feel comfortable giving her.

    As far as the LTR thing, I never have had trouble having LTRs. ENFPs, as my brethren have pointed out, hate routine. They love learning new things and meeting new people. They hate being stuck in a rut. Your willingness to explore new ideas with her will be your trump card.

    Good luck!

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