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  1. #1
    Senior Member niki's Avatar
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    Default NFs: how important is the 'right' city/country for you?

    A question to all of you dear NFs,

    how important would you rate, to live in the 'right' city or country for you?
    about a year ago, I bought a book "Who's Your City" by Richard Florida.

    and now, with all 'static-ness' in my current life, other than planning for a kick-ass real goals for my Music, I am also heavily thinking of whether should I perhaps really move to other city/country, that's more suited for me and my vision, traits & personality?

    another related question:
    if you've ever feeling 'stuck' in your life, is it also quite possible that it's because you're living in the wrong place (ie: city/country)?
    is that a perfectly 'reasonable/acceptable' reasons,...instead of being labeled by mainstream society as 'too spoiled' ?

    I would like to hear the NFs' takes in this matter, especially based on your own life experiences so far.
    thx.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    It can make a lot of difference.
    For me, I think there are many "right" states I could live in, including the one I currently do live in. Many or all of those states share certain characteristics, for example people being more laid back, people being more outdoorsy, and the presence of "big nature"

    An analogy I often make is if it feels like you are always walking upstream through molasses, thats a bad fit, if everything or most things just seem natural and easy and obvious, well thats probably a good fit.

    I've lived places where I've felt stuck, and been places that I immediately just loved. Also, even within Denver there have been places I'm all like "ick!" and other places where I'm like "I'm in love!" all within a single city!

    Some issues are simply internal matters and will follow you anywhere, others are exacerbated or mitigated by where you live. You'll have to figure out for yourself if your issues fall in that first category or in the second.

  3. #3
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    It wasn't till I lived in Russia, and in a beautiful place too, that I realized how much I *missed* Antwerp, m birth city. I feel connected to it, or rather, to the land. As much as I enjoyed sitting by the river in Krasnodar, Russia, I missed the Schelde. It's the river that brought my birth city to life and sustains us to this day. The typical vegetation here, the plains, the heath, the few forests left, the temperate climate, *all* of it is who I am.

    I could probably live elsewhere...but it would leave me feeling nostalgic and yearning to return at some point.

    I don't care for society here, the mob's mentality, the way the country is run.

    But the land...I'm in love with
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  4. #4
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    To me it's very important. I can't say that I've felt that I live in the wrong country but the city I used to live in did have and continues on having a negative influence on me whenever I visit it. The energy it has feels somewhat too invasive for me, it's something I feel doesn't give me support but rather depletes my energy very fast and that's not a healthy influence.

    I did feel stuck some years ago and when I decided to move to another city, a smaller one that has a much nicer "feel" to it, I've certainly been able to feel happier here. It's not perfect, it doesn't really feel like "home", but it's good enough for now.

    I think when you base your needs on whatever the mainstream society considers "the right way", when it gives you nothing but negativity, then you'll always be "stuck". In my opinion, it is perfectly reasonable to try to find yourself a place that gives you that positive energy and supports growth rather than stagnation. After all, it's your life and you deserve to be happy and make choices that support that.

  5. #5
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    I think more important than "where" is "who." If everyone I cared about lived in another city, I would have a difficult time living somewhere else and would miss them terribly. Actually if they all (for some strange reason) moved somewhere beyond the northeastern US states, I'd almost certainly follow them. The fact that my parents and brothers and sisters live here is what makes it "home" to me.

    In all other areas of life, though, I think I'd be fine pretty much anywhere. I don't really need that much to be content (outside of those relationships, I mean). And everywhere you go, there are new and unique things to find.
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  6. #6
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by niki View Post
    A question to all of you dear NFs, how important would you rate, to live in the 'right' city or country for you? about a year ago, I bought a book "Who's Your City" by Richard Florida.
    Niki, I absolutely love the topic of this thread! I, too, have read Richard Florida's work. In part, because I was seeking to better understand why I felt attracted to certain places and repulsed by others. And why, I've ALWAYS been very concerned in finding a place to live that was the very antithesis of the middle class suburbia in which I was raised. So yes, you're 100% right that the sense of a place is very important to NFs.

    If you read the description of the Idealist Temperment on Kiersey.com, I think they do a great job of explaining the underpinnings of this for NFs:

    ...Idealists are incurable romantics who prefer to focus on what might be, rather than what is. The real, practical world is only a starting place for Idealists; they believe that life is filled with possibilities waiting to be realized, rich with meanings calling out to be understood. This idea of a mystical or spiritual dimension to life, the "not visible" or the "not yet" that can only be known through intuition or by a leap of faith, is far more important to Idealists than the world of material things.
    In terms of feeling connected with one's physical surroundings, I think that NFs need to feel that where they live is in synch with their values and with whom they envision themselves becoming. This makes perfect sense when you remember that all NFs seek their "true" self and yearn to feel connected with other people. So no, I don't think it immature or "too spoiled" for you to seek out a city that better fits your essense.

    One of the reasons I became involved with this forum is that I have really enjoyed being able to connect with other NFs who share similar values with me. Ns collectively make up only 20% of the population. NFs are even rarer. But we all share a kinship in the commonly held values that Kiersey.com does such a great job of describing. So let me provide external validation for your choice. I think for NFs it's very important to find a place that resonates with their soul.

    If you like Richard Florida, then you'll REALLY like this article by Paul Graham called "Cities and Ambition." He talks about how each city has a different energy, and why it's important to find a City that works for you. Let me quote him here:

    How much does it matter what message a city sends? Empirically, the answer seems to be: a lot. You might think that if you had enough strength of mind to do great things, you'd be able to transcend your environment. Where you live should make at most a couple percent difference. But if you look at the historical evidence, it seems to matter more than that. Most people who did great things were clumped together in a few places where that sort of thing was done at the time.
    So embrace your NF-ness and get thee to a city that will embrace... nay celebrate and laud... the things that are most important for you.

  7. #7
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    I've only been really unhappy with a place when I lived in a very small town in Kansas (landscape meh, people not a good fit) and one in Kentucky (landscape beautiful, people scary). An equally small town in North Dakota (landscape meh, climate eeep!!!, people great) I wasn't particularly unhappy, I just missed home.

    I've a couple of larger towns since I've been grown and they were okay, just too expensive.

    I like living in my home town best so far. I know the social rules pretty well so it's rare that I accidentally step in it. I love the trees and the green grass and the smell of wild onions in the spring and the sound of mourning doves. It is home. I would like to try living in the country sometime, though. I don't mind the sound of traffic and trains and weed-eaters, but I think I wouldn't miss them very much.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  8. #8
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by niki View Post
    If you've ever feeling 'stuck' in your life, is it also quite possible that it's because you're living in the wrong place (ie: city/country)? is that a perfectly 'reasonable / acceptable' reasons,...instead of being labeled by mainstream society as 'too spoiled' ?
    Also let me encourage you to not condemn the people in your life who do not understand your NF need to connect with where you live... even if this means you have to move.

    I feel like one of the burdens of being an N (and an NF in particular) is that I am the one who always has to bridge the communication gap with the S's in my life. I no longer take it personally when they don't understand my uniquely NF priorities. They are just being Ss and don't see things the way I do.

    All I’m saying is that it seems rather predictable that Ss in your life would fail to understand you talking about such abstract concepts as the essence of a place. Instead of letting such lack of understanding make you doubt yourself, remember that your S friends and family are just trying to help you as best they know how. So maybe if you showed them concrete reasons (like the research in the Paul Graham article I linked in my previous post) that living in a City that had lots of other people who cared about what you cared about was important, this would go a long way to help them understand and perhaps support your decision.

  9. #9
    Kraken down on piracy Lux's Avatar
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    Well, so far nothing has 'felt' right to me, not my hometown, not the places I lived before moving. At times though situations cannot be avoided. My current situation is possibly the trickiest I have found myself in. I do feel stuck because I am forced to live in a place that I honestly hate. I don't know how long it will be for, but it cannot be avoided, yet.

    I do feel that my happiness could be greatly increased if I 'felt' right in a city. But then again, it is all a matter or perspective, I suppose. So yes, it can be important in terms of happiness, but you can't always just pick up and move. I do have hopes that someday I will find a place that feels like home.
    "It is not length of life, but depth of life." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

    "Thought breeds thought." ~ Henry David Thoreau

  10. #10
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    I've realized, after having lived in two cities in two different countries apart from my hometown, that anywhere can be home. For me, it's more about the people who are around me than the city itself. But maybe that's just because I don't go out that often no matter where I am

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