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[ENFJ] ENFJ with relationship issues :(

Sparrow

New member
Joined
May 28, 2010
Messages
2,366
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
My boyfriend is extremly blunt and and can be really rude and impatient at times (he is an ENTP).

He lashes out on me right away for asking him simple questions...like the questions are so stupid and outlandish but really they arent...they are simple normal questions like "whats the name of this movie" etc...

Another issue:

I like to share my dreams, they are special to me...i find meaning in them. I try to share them with him and he cuts me off and pretty just says "I DONT CARE".

It hurts my feelings :( I would never talk to anyone like that especially if they really care about whatever it is they are talking about. How ENFJ of me I guess lol.

Are we just the wrong match...is he an asshole...or am I just overly sensitive?
 

kccrush

New member
Joined
Apr 23, 2010
Messages
53
MBTI Type
INFJ
Hi - I'm sorry to hear this. I dated an ENTP for some time...and my best friend is an ENTP, too. I think based on my experience there are different varieties of ENTPs...some more laid back than others. I'd have to say that your bf is one of the more difficult ENTPs. For example, my gf ENTP would always have really aggressive, demeaning comments. There were times when I was indecisive or non-assertive when she would criticize me. There were other times when she would grab things out of my hands - for example if I was taking too long trying to read a map or configure the tax on a bill. Right from the beginning of the relationship, I started to tell her that while I appreciated her looking out for me, her delivery (tone) really sucked.

About you though, have you ever talked to him about this? I think that ENTPs need to respect who they are dating by being told when they are stepping out of bounds. Lots of times, they have no idea that they are doing something hurtful. For them it's just a matter of being direct, avoiding unnecessary language or what they see as a waste of time, etc. The more mature, evolved ENTPs will probably have had some sort of "training" - meaning they've been worked on by other people either in their jobs or personal lives so that they learn how to stop being so aggressive and rude (sorry to all ENTPs because I'm not trying to generalize or offend anyone).

I suggest you talk to him and address this with him. You should have an example or two like you have above and suggest other ways for how he should have spoken to you.

Given that my one ENTP friend who I mentioned above is a totally cool, fun, harmless, super smart ENTP (lives in Seattle actually), I know for certain that it is possible for ENTPs to interact wit you, challenge you, but without being demeaning. I think it's just a matter of bringing it to their attention and then having them decide that they want to tone it down.

I hope this was helpful.
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
umm..not sure it's type related but he sounds like an ass. i wouldn't put up with it.
 

Jonny

null
Joined
Sep 8, 2009
Messages
3,134
MBTI Type
FREE
My girlfriend (ENFJ) and I (INTP) have been dating for over 4 years. In that time we have faced a whole host of issues, but have managed to work through them to become a stronger couple. Here is an excerpt from a book we used to gain some perspective:

entpwithenfj.jpg
 

Rebe

New member
Joined
Nov 15, 2009
Messages
1,431
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4sop
^ so helpful.

I agree that you should try talking to him first, maybe he doesn't know that it hurts/bothers/frustrates you. I think that's only fair. NFs tend to expect others to be as emotionally cordial and aware as we are.

But, if he does not show any sign of wanting to change/improve your relationship, then you shouldn't stay and take that. From what you described, it's not oversensitivity. He is overly an ass.
 

Sparrow

New member
Joined
May 28, 2010
Messages
2,366
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
You guys are awesome, I love this forum :). He does know how I feel, its come to the point where I immediately react when he is rude....i react by getting super pissed or by getting butt hurt and cry. We have been together for almost 4 years now, and he has definitely come a long way! I have tamed the lion a little bit, and he has helped me in many ways as well. I love him very much, he isnt all bad. I just dont know how long I can stand his rudeness towards me.
 

tenINsFJ

Permabanned
Joined
May 4, 2008
Messages
479
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
1w9
My girlfriend (ENFJ) and I (INTP) have been dating for over 4 years. In that time we have faced a whole host of issues, but have managed to work through them to become a stronger couple. Here is an excerpt from a book we used to gain some perspective:

entpwithenfj.jpg

Wow man, that's awesome. Got anything on ENFJ/INFJ or ENTJ/INFJ?
 

nynesneg

New member
Joined
Oct 18, 2009
Messages
357
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
3w2
Yeah, what is the name of that book!? :)
 
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