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  1. #1
    Senior Member Sparrow's Avatar
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    Default ENFJ with relationship issues :(

    My boyfriend is extremly blunt and and can be really rude and impatient at times (he is an ENTP).

    He lashes out on me right away for asking him simple questions...like the questions are so stupid and outlandish but really they arent...they are simple normal questions like "whats the name of this movie" etc...

    Another issue:

    I like to share my dreams, they are special to me...i find meaning in them. I try to share them with him and he cuts me off and pretty just says "I DONT CARE".

    It hurts my feelings I would never talk to anyone like that especially if they really care about whatever it is they are talking about. How ENFJ of me I guess lol.

    Are we just the wrong match...is he an asshole...or am I just overly sensitive?

  2. #2
    Member kccrush's Avatar
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    Hi - I'm sorry to hear this. I dated an ENTP for some time...and my best friend is an ENTP, too. I think based on my experience there are different varieties of ENTPs...some more laid back than others. I'd have to say that your bf is one of the more difficult ENTPs. For example, my gf ENTP would always have really aggressive, demeaning comments. There were times when I was indecisive or non-assertive when she would criticize me. There were other times when she would grab things out of my hands - for example if I was taking too long trying to read a map or configure the tax on a bill. Right from the beginning of the relationship, I started to tell her that while I appreciated her looking out for me, her delivery (tone) really sucked.

    About you though, have you ever talked to him about this? I think that ENTPs need to respect who they are dating by being told when they are stepping out of bounds. Lots of times, they have no idea that they are doing something hurtful. For them it's just a matter of being direct, avoiding unnecessary language or what they see as a waste of time, etc. The more mature, evolved ENTPs will probably have had some sort of "training" - meaning they've been worked on by other people either in their jobs or personal lives so that they learn how to stop being so aggressive and rude (sorry to all ENTPs because I'm not trying to generalize or offend anyone).

    I suggest you talk to him and address this with him. You should have an example or two like you have above and suggest other ways for how he should have spoken to you.

    Given that my one ENTP friend who I mentioned above is a totally cool, fun, harmless, super smart ENTP (lives in Seattle actually), I know for certain that it is possible for ENTPs to interact wit you, challenge you, but without being demeaning. I think it's just a matter of bringing it to their attention and then having them decide that they want to tone it down.

    I hope this was helpful.

  3. #3
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    umm..not sure it's type related but he sounds like an ass. i wouldn't put up with it.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  4. #4
    null Jonny's Avatar
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    My girlfriend (ENFJ) and I (INTP) have been dating for over 4 years. In that time we have faced a whole host of issues, but have managed to work through them to become a stronger couple. Here is an excerpt from a book we used to gain some perspective:

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  5. #5
    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
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    ^ so helpful.

    I agree that you should try talking to him first, maybe he doesn't know that it hurts/bothers/frustrates you. I think that's only fair. NFs tend to expect others to be as emotionally cordial and aware as we are.

    But, if he does not show any sign of wanting to change/improve your relationship, then you shouldn't stay and take that. From what you described, it's not oversensitivity. He is overly an ass.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Sparrow's Avatar
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    You guys are awesome, I love this forum . He does know how I feel, its come to the point where I immediately react when he is rude....i react by getting super pissed or by getting butt hurt and cry. We have been together for almost 4 years now, and he has definitely come a long way! I have tamed the lion a little bit, and he has helped me in many ways as well. I love him very much, he isnt all bad. I just dont know how long I can stand his rudeness towards me.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jonnyboy View Post
    My girlfriend (ENFJ) and I (INTP) have been dating for over 4 years. In that time we have faced a whole host of issues, but have managed to work through them to become a stronger couple. Here is an excerpt from a book we used to gain some perspective:

    Wow man, that's awesome. Got anything on ENFJ/INFJ or ENTJ/INFJ?

  8. #8
    Senior Member nynesneg's Avatar
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    Yeah, what is the name of that book!?
    3w2


    Those who are content being normal lack the depth and passion to rise above mediocracy.
    To push beyond their natural abilities and create a reality from their dreams.

  9. #9
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    post more if you have them, please.

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