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  1. #1
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    Default How To Get An INFP To Sleep With You

    Hi, I'm just kidding, so please don't immediately go out and smack the nearest ENFJ for being a conniving and manipulative jerk . But out of all the relationship threads here (and conversation in the private forum seems to be heavily populated with INFPs) I was wondering how many of you have had or desired casual relationships, rather than a lifelong search for The One. It doesn't have to be unemotional since we're all about the connection (I'd like to encourage my newly adopted word "kinship"), but simply not a serious commitment. All the ones I know are looking for something so deeply meaningful that they would rather jump right in once they experience that connection .

    I also could be completely wrong about this perceived norm, but I'd love to hear your thoughts!
    Last edited by *poke*; 05-31-2010 at 12:57 PM.

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by *poke* View Post
    ...All the ones I know are looking for something so deeply meaningful that they would rather jump right in once they experience that connection .
    ^Very interesting way to put it. I agree with that because a "deeply meaningful" connection is a rare thing. It's not that I "would rather jump right in" (as you say); rather, it would be the sudden (unplanned) result of encountering something rare. In other words, the surprise causes the enthusiasm to go off the charts; thus resulting in a fearless "jump right in" attitude. Keep in mind, a fearless "jump right in", might be followed by the uncertain "jump right out".

    Quote Originally Posted by *poke* View Post
    how many of you have had or desired casual relationships, rather than a lifelong search for The One.
    i don't.

  3. #3
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by perfectgirl View Post
    ^Very interesting way to put it. I agree with that because a "deeply meaningful" connection is a rare thing. It's not that I "would rather jump right in" (as you say); rather, it would be the sudden (unplanned) result of encountering something rare. In other words, the surprise causes the enthusiasm to go off the charts; thus resulting in a fearless "jump right in" attitude. Keep in mind, a fearless "jump right in", might be followed by the uncertain "jump right out".
    Agreed - it would have to be VERY extraordinary circumstances for me to jump right in, and I just might jump right out. I don't trust too quickly formed feelings, so it's very unlikely for me to act on them in the moment. I am almost too cautious. People tend to grow on me rather than impress me immediately anyway. But I am looking for something "deep & meaningful", which to me means that there is some substantial emotional/intellectual/spiritual connection in addition to physical.

    I don't consider casual relationships, because when I've dipped my toe in that water I found it unpleasant and non-satisfying (if you catch my drift). I think I NEED some connection for it to be worth it to me on any level.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

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  4. #4
    Member woolgatherer's Avatar
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    I'm rarely if ever seeking something casual, but sometimes it happens while you're looking for something deeper.
    Introverted (I) 76.67% Extroverted (E) 23.33%
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  5. #5
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    I don't do "casual" very well - sex has always been about more than just the physical pleasures to me. Not that the physical is bad (by any means), but rather, I find the physical sensations to be tools to express greater messages. Perhaps this is my hypocritical maleness speaking, though, because *deep love* doesn't necessarily need to be what's being expressed, but neither could I do something like a one night stand.

    In your case, where the INFP is already crazy about you, I'd be careful about escallating it. He's going to have a very hard time detaching once that line is crossed.

  6. #6
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    I like the fantasy of casual relationships -- the more casual the better, but the reality is a lot different. Among other things, unless I was absolutely certain we were both on the same page I'd dread finding myself forced to give the post-coital "I'm sorry, I thought you knew this was a casual thing" speech. I gave a variation of one of those once and felt like a complete heel for months after.

    So I guess though the idea of casual sex is appealing on a certain level, in practice I'm not interested in a relationship unless I think it could lead to something permanent. Otherwise it's just likely to fuck with emotions and get someone hurt. I hear about sex-as-sport (aka ESTP sex), but I can't bring myself to believe it actually exists as described.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Eckhart's Avatar
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    I never had the interest to even try a "casual" relationship actually. Probably most people would call my views on relationships naive, but I don't think I could feel well with sharing so much of myself and my life with someone I don't feel something special for. Then I would rather stay in a friendship (or alone, how it looks in reality to me). I am ok with it. It is more difficult when there actually IS someone for whom you have these feelings and still have to be alone, but so it is :/

    To be honest it is also not like I have much choice currently to do it different, since I don't even get to know any women currently (besides the fact that I don't see much opportunity to talk with other students in gneeral at university, there is barely women studying informatics etc., and I don't go somewhere where I have other opportunities currently). But it was a bit different in the years before, but there I never really tried to get into a relationship or so.

    It was always impossible for me to understand how people could have a new bf / gf few months after they broke up with their old. Not in a way that I would judge the people, just I cannot see how myself would fit in such a life style.

    In short: "Relationship" and "Casual" don't fit together in my own world.

  8. #8
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    i never really try to hook up with girls.
    i guess it's because
    A) i lack the confidence.. even if she is being forward i'll still be awkward.. so i end up just ignoring her
    B) i'm afraid i'd fall for someone who was only interested in something casual
    C) i've been caught up on the same girl for the longest time :\. it's hard for me to get past thinking about her once i meet someone. chances are if i like someone new it will be only because she REMINDS ME OF THIS GIRL... ugh. sometimes i wish i wasn't such a puss

  9. #9
    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
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    I am more of an all or nothing sort of person. I can do one night stands but not an extended casual relationship because then, it'd just confuse me. It's like sharing but not sharing, loving but not loving.

  10. #10
    THIS bitch stringstheory's Avatar
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    I found that through casual relationships I was able to find 'the one' (or at least one of them, i don't believe there's only one!).

    unfortunately it's REALLY hard for me to describe what exactly attracts me to someone enough to want to get involved with them sexually; i either feel it or i don't, although i do have some general rules.

    1. look for a friend first and foremost, don't be a creeper. i'm not a fan of extreme extroverts because even though my extroverted side is pretty well developed, they mostly came off as having only one thing on their mind. i like sex just as much as anyone else but i need to feel a certain connection first. i need to trust people first, and keep in mind that sometimes a certain person will earn that trust quicker than others. that's just how it is.
    2. once the topic comes up don't hide any intentions. make sure she's being really clear about what she wants and you make it really, really REALLY clear what you want. and i mean REALLY clear because if the INFP has even the slightest hope of being exclusive with you she might be inclined to get herself into something hoping you will change your mind.
    3. i like nerds. this is a personal thing, but if you're not her "type" then it's probably not going to happen. i don't necessarily need a deep love for a casual relationship, but i am going to want a good friendship...i'd like to roll over and play video games and feel like we're actually friends with some kind of connection when we're done i'm actually friends with most of the people i dated before i met the person i chose to get exclusive with.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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