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  1. #21
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    singapore slings > connection
    "Develop interest in life as you see it...the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself." -- H. Miller
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    Johari the good..
    Nohari.. the bad, and the ugly

    I'm a FiNe SiTe to see!

  2. #22
    Member Talisyn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by poontanya View Post

    How to get an INFP to have casual sex with you most likely involves making an INFP believe it's not just casual sex. There you go.
    True enough for me. Hmm the fantasy... maybe. The reality- no, not at all.
    I want to be alive To all the life that is in me now, to know each moment to the uttermost.
    (Khalil Gibran from Mary Haskell's Journal June 7, 1912.)

    "I'd rather die than live without Mercy and Love" - House of Heroes, Code Name Raven


    "I write/Slowly at first/Then the words come quicker/Slow in comparison/To my rapid thoughts/I fall silent/In awe of love"

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  3. #23
    Member Nomorenames's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by *poke* View Post
    I was wondering how many of you have had or desired casual relationships, rather than a lifelong search for The One.
    I'm on a lifelong search for the One. I'm already done with this week's One. Gotta go find next week's. I'll take a break after that and maybe start again when I go down to Cabo. I'll try to fit as many Ones as I can at that time.


  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Agreed - it would have to be VERY extraordinary circumstances for me to jump right in, and I just might jump right out. I don't trust too quickly formed feelings, so it's very unlikely for me to act on them in the moment. I am almost too cautious. People tend to grow on me rather than impress me immediately anyway. But I am looking for something "deep & meaningful", which to me means that there is some substantial emotional/intellectual/spiritual connection in addition to physical.
    I like the way you phrased your reply, I think it more accurately says what I was trying to: not that someone looking for a meaningful relationship might "jump right in" to one, but that finding a meaningful connection might inspire so much excitement that you desire to form a close bond very quickly. Also the question wasn't entirely about sex but using that as a springboard to talk about different types of casual relationships. He doesn't seem to be on board with casual at all, and I respect that since I think we have similar approaches to a relationship, we are just looking for it to go different places right now.

    Quote Originally Posted by stringstheory View Post
    i like sex just as much as anyone else but i need to feel a certain connection first. i need to trust people first, and keep in mind that sometimes a certain person will earn that trust quicker than others. that's just how it is.
    2. once the topic comes up don't hide any intentions. make sure she's being really clear about what she wants and you make it really, really REALLY clear what you want. and i mean REALLY clear because if the INFP has even the slightest hope of being exclusive with you she might be inclined to get herself into something hoping you will change your mind.
    Thanks for your comment, this completely reflects the dynamic between us so far, and I was just wondering if it is a pattern with INFPs or possibly other types. Although I wouldn't suggest placing much stock in quick judgments I do tend to make and trust my own , so when I find that implicit trust and connection with someone I do get very excited. Once I realized that the mutual excitement was kind of at odds with the context in which we are currently looking for different levels of commitment (I wouldn't say this is typical of me, but I have just gotten out of another serious relationship which I can't expect someone new to measure up to in my mind), I had to be VERY clear about our limits. I tried to be clear right from the start because I think you're right that as long as his hopelessly romantic idealist self conceived of the possibility we could be exclusive, he would fall pretty hard. Sadly even though I tried to be clear that's what ended up happening, and I had to apply the emergency brake to even our more intimate friendship, because the reciprocated feelings that would slip out ended up feeding the fire.

  5. #25
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    @Udog - they'd better be stale peeps!

    Quote Originally Posted by LadyJaye View Post
    *poke* - my twin sister is an ENFJ, and I've learned that the problem isn't type, it's your penis. The penis is the problem. Being a woman makes being an ENFJ a much easier experience. So, go blame your anatomy,
    Perhaps I haven't accurately conveyed that I'm female? Stringstheory seemed to reverse our roles too, perhaps it's just rare enough to see a female ENFJ pursuing a male INFP for this type of relationship? It's not a situation I ever idealized or imagined myself in, so it's pretty foreign to me for the same reasons you thought it improbable :P. I think it has a lot to do with the particular situation and dynamic between us, and runs contrary to the pattern I have seen of NFs avoiding casual relationships (or at least only seeking them with the intention of finding something deeper). The kind of relationships each of us is used to having or idealizing is not, well, reflected by this post I have made :P. Which is why it's an interesting situation I wanted to hear more thoughts on.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sizzling Berry View Post
    I'd love to know what you mean by connection, *poke*. To me all in all it sounds like friends with benefits. Or maybe even not friends - just with benefits. But seriously, I am interested in your way of understanding the connection. Depending on the meaning it can have different quality in my eyes.
    I guess it does sound like friends with benefits, I don't think either of our types could have any kind of relationship if the premise of trust and friendship wasn't first there. So perhaps what differentiates this from a romantic relationship is simply the level of investment.

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by poontanya View Post
    How to get an INFP to have casual sex with you most likely involves making an INFP believe it's not just casual sex. There you go.
    Case closed!

  7. #27
    THIS bitch stringstheory's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by *poke* View Post
    Perhaps I haven't accurately conveyed that I'm female? Stringstheory seemed to reverse our roles too, perhaps it's just rare enough to see a female ENFJ pursuing a male INFP for this type of relationship? It's not a situation I ever idealized or imagined myself in, so it's pretty foreign to me for the same reasons you thought it improbable :P. I think it has a lot to do with the particular situation and dynamic between us, and runs contrary to the pattern I have seen of NFs avoiding casual relationships (or at least only seeking them with the intention of finding something deeper). The kind of relationships each of us is used to having or idealizing is not, well, reflected by this post I have made :P. Which is why it's an interesting situation I wanted to hear more thoughts on..
    Personally, i find it's just rare enough to see a male INFP :P
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  8. #28
    Member colma's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stringstheory View Post
    Personally, i find it's just rare enough to see a male INFP :P
    Oh come on, we're not that elusive you know!


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    "At government, you think you're clever: You govern beasts — but humans
    never." - Estienne de La Boetie

  9. #29
    THIS bitch stringstheory's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by colma View Post
    Oh come on, we're not that elusive you know!
    Then where are ya'll hiding? Come on out please!
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  10. #30
    Member colma's Avatar
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    You probably already know a few... we're the ones you talk to in passing acting all disinterested 'n stuff while joking and being smiley for no reason (there's a reason). Grab that dude by the headphones.


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    never." - Estienne de La Boetie

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