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  1. #1
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    Default ENFP Teacher - Help! I need more J!

    I, of course, have no problem getting kids excited, coming up with cool projects to do, etc. etc.

    My biggest problem is when I have to be "the meanie." I find it so difficult to be tough enough and maintain tough standards all year (I teach High School). It's not that I want to be liked. It's more that I can see all the possibilities and permutations and have trouble deciding that the standard I've set is indeed the final standard. I might allow a kid to change the requirements for a project mid-project if it seems like what s/he wants to do would be really cool! But that messes up my consistency with everyone else.

    Sometimes, too, I "fall" for my students' excuses and let them turn things in late or "forget" to take the late points off because I can't stand the confrontation with the parent that will undoubtedly ensue. I mean, confrontation almost causes me physical pain and I cry when I get angry and I never EVER want to cry in front of parents.

    But this is no good. I just had my eval today and I need to work on this.

    Does anyone have any advice? Doesn't have to be from teachers - anyone who has advice for an ENFP on how to become more firm and consistent.

    Thanks.

  2. #2
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Pick what lines you won't cross, put them down in writing and don't cross them. Decide what you want to be lenient on and let yourself cross those lines. You can include the "do not cross" lines in your beginning of the year info so you can't get away with bending on it.

    If you don't want to use late points dont use them. Do you HAVE to have tough standards?

  3. #3
    From the Undertow CuriousFeeling's Avatar
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    Evaluate what are the important values to you for your classroom and stick with them in your classroom rules. Emphasize these core values to your students and make sure that they adhere to them. If they do not, then explain to them the consequences of their actions and how it applies to their everyday lives.

    You don't have to be strict, but be firm.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    Johari/Nohari

    “Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings -- always darker, emptier and simpler.”
    ― Friedrich Nietzsche




  4. #4
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    Repeat after me: I am their teacher not their best friend/mum/grannie. LOL

  5. #5
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    I'm a former teacher and still an ENFP . I'm now a homeschool mom and a private tutor (sigh, of relief). Teaching was stressful for me. I was high school math.

    As far as academics, we had multiple teachers teaching the same thing, so it wasn't my choice. I just followed the lady who had taught the subject for 30 years (which allowed me to ignore much of our horrid textbook!) But as far as discipline type stuff, Love and logic teachings saved me. As your administration or counselors if they have any of their materials (books, CD, DVD's) or if they will get some. OR check your public library. I was able to get a set of DVD's (worth over $100) through interlibrary loan.

    It's discipline without yelling or threats, but with a firmness that helps you keep your self-respect and give boundaries.

    If I'd stuck around longer, I probably would have liked it more. I didn't get things figured out till my 3rd and last year--then I had a newborn.

    How long have you taught? What subject?

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by lithasblot View Post
    Sometimes, too, I "fall" for my students' excuses and let them turn things in late or "forget" to take the late points off because I can't stand the confrontation with the parent that will undoubtedly ensue.
    Allow the confrontations to happen and realize that they're not so bad. .. and realize that these sorts of confrontations might not happen anyway.

    Habits and new behaviors just take practice.

    Me? I dunno, a structured-but-not-too-rigid syllabus seems to work. I don't end up having sympathy for the students who don't care. It kind of sucks, but I had to lose that sympathy in order to stay sane.

    Quote Originally Posted by lithasblot View Post
    I just had my eval today and I need to work on this.
    Concentrate on this, rather than on what you think that the parents might do. You kind of owe it to yourself to be the best and most effective teacher that you can be.

  7. #7
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    As CuriousFeeling said, try to be calm but assertive. Only you can decide how much lenience is appropriate in certain situations, but whatever you decide, try to be consistent. As suggested, setting the boundaries before the students arrive might help you, and gently, (hence not being the 'meanie,') reminding them that if they misbehave, there will be consequences.
    At no time do you have to shout or become overly confrontational, but the key would be to follow through on everything that you say you'll do, for both rewards and reproaches, consider why the rules you enforce are necessary, and then at least if confrontations should arise, you can calmly and thoroughly explain your standpoint whilst listening politely to parents' concerns. You can still be a relaxed, well-liked and lovely teacher, but students have to know that they cannot push you too far, and many parents will eventually come respect your 'kind but firm' approach. Good luck

    Kind Regards
    FalseHeartDothKnow

  8. #8
    The Dark Lord The Wailing Specter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FalseHeartDothKnow View Post
    As CuriousFeeling said, try to be calm but assertive. Only you can decide how much lenience is appropriate in certain situations, but whatever you decide, try to be consistent. As suggested, setting the boundaries before the students arrive might help you, and gently, (hence not being the 'meanie,') reminding them that if they misbehave, there will be consequences.
    At no time do you have to shout or become overly confrontational, but the key would be to follow through on everything that you say you'll do, for both rewards and reproaches, consider why the rules you enforce are necessary, and then at least if confrontations should arise, you can calmly and thoroughly explain your standpoint whilst listening politely to parents' concerns. You can still be a relaxed, well-liked and lovely teacher, but students have to know that they cannot push you too far, and many parents will eventually come respect your 'kind but firm' approach. Good luck

    Kind Regards
    FalseHeartDothKnow
    That settles it…
    I'll pursue teaching at the secondary level…

  9. #9
    Let me count the ways Betty Blue's Avatar
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    Sorry i'm no good at playing the responsible role which doles out rules etc. I once was a restaurant manager (which i did not elect to be, i applied for waitress...another story though). I had the responsibility of making sure all my (haha, ick) staff had the correct unifrom on and had to tell one person to go home to change their shoes. ... it pained me. I did have a meeting with the area manager who said i had to more consistant and not be afraid of asking people to do things. It's just not my forte. I also did the hiring and firing. I said the most innapropriate thing to someone whilst firing them and they burst into tears.... then i burst into tears and we had a big hug. Thats how rubbish i am at being boss.
    "We knew he was someone who had a tragic flaw, that's where his greatness came from"

  10. #10
    The Dark Lord The Wailing Specter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HelenOfTroy View Post
    Sorry i'm no good at playing the responsible role which doles out rules etc. I once was a restaurant manager (which i did not elect to be, i applied for waitress...another story though). I had the responsibility of making sure all my (haha, ick) staff had the correct unifrom on and had to tell one person to go home to change their shoes. ... it pained me. I did have a meeting with the area manager who said i had to more consistant and not be afraid of asking people to do things. It's just not my forte. I also did the hiring and firing. I said the most innapropriate thing to someone whilst firing them and they burst into tears.... then i burst into tears and we had a big hug. Thats how rubbish i am at being boss.
    If I feel I'm doing the right thing, and I feel good doing it…
    I could ask in a cool, polite, level-headed manner for somebody to do something. I usually have doubt about rather or not I want something, though, so I tend to faulter.

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