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  1. #1
    Senior Member autumn's Avatar
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    Default Interesting question for NFPs

    Recently I was reading this site: INFJ or INFP? a closer look, which was put together by an INFJ to help INFs determine whether they have INFJ or INFP preferences. Though I am an ENFP, I read the many, many pages and found it very interesting, though I don't know if I think absolutely all of it is correct. What I wonder especially is if there is an analogous relationship between ENFP and ENFJ characteristics.

    One thing that was especially interesting was the page on "The Self-Disclosure Facet." (You can find it by using the drop-down menu in the corner; there's no direct link to it.) The site's author says that INFPs, favoring Fi, tend not to self-disclose about particular things, though they may share their more abstract or general ideas; whereas INFJs, favoring Fe, tend to actually use concrete examples of self-disclosure in order to facilitate communication between themselves and others.

    Do any of you INFPs or ENFPs feel this is a correct assessment, in general? And other types, does this observation seem to square with your interactions with NFPs?

    I will come back later to give my answer.

  2. #2
    ish red no longer *sad* nightning's Avatar
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    Non self-disclosure might be more related to INFP... specifically Fi dominant individuals in fear of being hurt by others... It might not necessarily apply for ENFPs. My impression of ENFPs are that they are very open about things... not incline to hide themselves at all.

  3. #3
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    I think that's a false impression nightning... I know that my brother (ENFP) does appear to be very open, but if you try to get him to really talk about how he feels about things, anything serious... it's like getting blood out of a stone. He gets frustrated that people think of him as being 'uncomplicated' and even shallow, when in fact he's pretty profound within himself, he just doesn't like sharing it. He has said in the past that he 'gives' so much of himself to other people, he likes to keep a little back just for himself.
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  4. #4
    ish red no longer *sad* nightning's Avatar
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    Really sub? Okay... you would probably know better based on your brother. *nods* I suppose I'm just used to people sharing stuff with me.

  5. #5
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    I don't know.

    I can usually get INFPs to talk about their general experiences and conceptual ideas about their feelings, etc., but they hesitate to label anything in a very specific way, they are always painting with a "broad brush." If that makes sense. Also, they are very careful about not exposing details about others and are hesitant to label anything specifically when I talk to them, or ask extremely specific questions, as if they are respecting my privacy and personhood by not asking. (I usually have to set the standard by revealing things first, then they follow suit... although they still tend to love the abstractions.)

    INFJs are more difficult to figure out. I have had trouble getting them to talk about internal experiences. Usually they do focus on outer details (and can talk about the concrete things that have happened, and can often even do good impersonal analysis), but they seem even more protective of the inner life than the INFPs I have talked to. I don't know. I'm having trouble really specifying the difference.
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  6. #6
    Scream down the boulevard LadyJaye's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    I think that's a false impression nightning... I know that my brother (ENFP) does appear to be very open, but if you try to get him to really talk about how he feels about things, anything serious... it's like getting blood out of a stone. He gets frustrated that people think of him as being 'uncomplicated' and even shallow, when in fact he's pretty profound within himself, he just doesn't like sharing it. He has said in the past that he 'gives' so much of himself to other people, he likes to keep a little back just for himself.
    You have such a fluent way of stating things - this is exactly what happens to me. I love to talk to others, to have them share their feelings and experiences with me, but when I'm asked to talk about myself, it gets really strange. I almost appear as if I'm withholding information, or that I'm trying to conceal something about myself from others, which isn't the case at all. But, discussing myself is like pulling teeth, and I have no idea why. Some might view it as falsely demur, like I really do want to talk about my life but I "just need coaching", when the truth is, it is exactly like trying to bleed a rock. It's as if the words get stuck in my throat. Perhaps the discomfort lies in feeling as if I'm being disingenuous somehow, or that I might be perceived as trying to garner attention from others, which would be very distasteful to me.

  7. #7
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    I'll add that I have a strong 3 wing in the Ennegram. To be blunt, I can enjoy talking about myself ad nauseum and I'm pretty forthcoming about personal info IRL if I have the choice to give it and feel safe.

    However, I've always felt very private and reticent when people start asking me point blank questions like, 'What do you want to do with your life?' or 'What are you afraid of' etc.. Not only do questions like that sound too new agey to me, but they feel way too intimate and it makes me really suspicious why anyone would want to know that. Especially if it's for cocktail conversation, deeply personal stuff like that is reserved for deeply personal convos with people I trust or just myself, not passing banter with strangers.

    I don't know, I'm a bit paranoid and I don't want people having too much info on me if it's not reciprocal, or even if it is, I like to keep my cards close, even if I give the appearance of the opposite. This may be part of the 3 wing as I am loathe to give the appearance of weakness or incompetence sometimes.

  8. #8
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    I
    However, I've always felt very private and reticent when people start asking me point blank questions like, 'What do you want to do with your life?' or 'What are you afraid of' etc.. Not only do questions like that sound too new agey to me, but they feel way too intimate and it makes me really suspicious why anyone would want to know that. Especially if it's for cocktail conversation, deeply personal stuff like that is reserved for deeply personal convos with people I trust or just myself, not passing banter with strangers.
    Hmmm, this is interesting. I often hear people mention around here that most of their conversations lack depth. But I wondering what people think depth is. I have a tendency to do to people exactly what you describe and I do notice that it's unsettling (even when it's done to me) so I've cut back on doing it. Those kind of conversations tend to be my favorite. It's usually a sign that I'm interested in getting to know the person better if I jump into those type of questions quickly.

    I think deep should be qualified with impersonal. Maybe people like depth in topics that don't pertain to themselves like politics or something. But you do describe it well in that it makes you feel intimate with someone too quickly. I know when I do it, it's not because I'm trying to be intimate it's just curiosity about the person, it's not really any different than asking what their favorite color is.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
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  9. #9
    Senior Member Dom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nightning View Post
    Non self-disclosure might be more related to INFP... specifically Fi dominant individuals in fear of being hurt by others... It might not necessarily apply for ENFPs. My impression of ENFPs are that they are very open about things... not incline to hide themselves at all.
    We hide in the open, by opening up the fact or detail without pointing the the center of the problem, we skirt it, openly talking around it hoping, or expecting the person we are talking with to use their N and get to the same point...

    This is not helpful... mostly it is terrifying to actually out and say what is at the center of an issue...

  10. #10
    To the top of the world arcticangel02's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LadyJaye View Post
    You have such a fluent way of stating things - this is exactly what happens to me. I love to talk to others, to have them share their feelings and experiences with me, but when I'm asked to talk about myself, it gets really strange. I almost appear as if I'm withholding information, or that I'm trying to conceal something about myself from others, which isn't the case at all. But, discussing myself is like pulling teeth, and I have no idea why. Some might view it as falsely demur, like I really do want to talk about my life but I "just need coaching", when the truth is, it is exactly like trying to bleed a rock. It's as if the words get stuck in my throat. Perhaps the discomfort lies in feeling as if I'm being disingenuous somehow, or that I might be perceived as trying to garner attention from others, which would be very distasteful to me.
    Yes, I'll second that. I do appear to be very open, and I'll share superficial experiences with you all the time, but when it goes deeper? This is very much what I do as well. LadyJaye says it well - it's not that I don't want you to know the details, or anything - most of the time I just feel like there's very little to tell, I genuinely don't have an opinion (or whatever it might be) and it feels uncomfortable to dwell on it too long, so I shrug when those personal questions are directed towards me, and pass the question off onto something else. And because most people aren't really that interested in delving that deep if I'm 'resistant' to it, they usually don't bother to ask again.

    Hmm. I don't mean to conceal myself, exactly... I do wonder sometimes if I really know myself - when those sort of questions are asked, yeah, oftentimes I genuinely don't have an answer. Perhaps it's something more intangible than I can put into words? I suppose if you pressed, it would come out eventually, but that's very uncomfortable for me.

    In any case, I'm so used to just skipping past that part of the conversation that when someone really does want to get to know the inner me, they tend to get frustrated by my lack of cooperation.

    Perhaps it is indeed fear of too much intimacy too soon, like CzeCze mentioned.
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