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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by LadyJaye View Post
    Well, it really does depend on context. I would never consider it "bragging" to share something you've done with me that you're excited about or proud of, because as your friend, I would very much want to know, and I would be proud of you myself. The ENTJ and ENFJ folks I have in my life seek me out to tell me what new things they've done, I believe as a way of sharing the glow of victory with me, not at my expense.

    If I were you, I would want the NFPs to elaborate on the bragging call, because that frankly seems a bit accusatory. Have they told you why they say that? Or is there a specific instance you could use to illustrate?
    It's usually when I say things along the lines of "I'm good at doing ____". For example, say I was talking about my previous management jobs and said "I did well at the human resources aspect of the job." My cousin would likely make a joke about bragging. I never understood why saying what you do well, especially since I am the first to say what I do NOT do well, was equated with bragging. In my mind, I'm just listing positives and negatives.

  2. #32
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LadyJaye View Post
    I can only speak for myself, but often I feel like what I think or feel about something, in the broad view of the cosmos, is ultimately irrelevant. I do still maintain very definite opinions about things, but I feel reticent to share them, because it feels arrogant to me somehow. Which is a paradox really, since I don't view other people sharing their opinions as arrogant. It's like a rule I only subconsciously apply to myself.

    Frustrating, I know.
    Wow, fascinating. I'm the same way in real life. I often feel arrogant/'guilty'/self-centered when I do share things about myself, especially good things...like I'm taking over the conversation or something...so I often don't disclose much at all. And, to a certain degree, I don't think much of my life is that big of a deal, or that interesting, which also makes me not want to talk about much. But like you, I don't view other people sharing stuff about themselves in a negative way at all. In fact, I view it as a very positive thing in others! And I can relate to your comment on what you ultimately think/feel being irrelevant in the grand scheme.

    I don't really understand why I'm like this.

    Like others, in situations where I need to make myself look good, like in job interviews, or work environments, I'm able to do so, but it doesn't come naturally. I recently had a yearend review where I was supposed to fluff myself up and tell my boss everything that I did that was 'above and beyond', and I didn't do so well at that! Since we already have a good relationship I don't think it was a big deal, and I joked with her that I wasn't good at 'selling myself' or citing examples of all of my 'achievements'. I just feel embarrassed/silly when I do - and in a weird way, I'm reluctant to try to make myself seem more worthy of a good rating than my other coworkers are.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  3. #33
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by quietgirl View Post
    It's usually when I say things along the lines of "I'm good at doing ____". For example, say I was talking about my previous management jobs and said "I did well at the human resources aspect of the job." My cousin would likely make a joke about bragging. I never understood why saying what you do well, especially since I am the first to say what I do NOT do well, was equated with bragging. In my mind, I'm just listing positives and negatives.
    That's too bad you get that feedback from your cousin. It's definitely not bragging at all - it's a simple fact!! You're good at doing certain things! I guess I don't have a problem mentioning what I'm good at (and I have no qualms admitting what I suck at!!), if the topic comes up-- but as mentioned in my previous post, I just don't like to talk at length about myself.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  4. #34
    Member allie bug's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dom View Post
    We hide in the open, by opening up the fact or detail without pointing the the center of the problem, we skirt it, openly talking around it hoping, or expecting the person we are talking with to use their N and get to the same point...

    This is not helpful... mostly it is terrifying to actually out and say what is at the center of an issue...
    that is the best description I've ever heard of and ENFP dealing with a conflict.
    kudos!

  5. #35
    Senior Member Sandy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by athenian200 View Post
    I'm pretty good at that if I try, actually. I prefer to hear compliments from other people, but I know how to make myself look good. I can see how that would be hard for Fi's, though.

    I wonder if part of what makes some INFP's dislike me is that I tend to show emotion a lot in particular ways, while they tend to keep it inside and mull it over, and it makes me seem kind of "shallow" in comparison. There's something about them that makes me feel I'm being judged on something I don't have any control over or understanding of. It makes me feel helpless and paralyzed. It's like I wish they'd pay attention to my active will, what I'm actually trying to do and be, and not the immutable substratum I can't do anything about. Does that make sense, or were those probably just bad experiences I should chalk up to coincidence, misunderstanding, or immaturity?
    I missed this - sorry! I'm not sure what the answer is here, but just to let you know... one of my very best friends is an INFJ! If I had to take a stab at your last question, I would probably guess misunderstanding (on one or both sides).
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  6. #36
    Senior Member Sandy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by quietgirl View Post
    It's usually when I say things along the lines of "I'm good at doing ____". For example, say I was talking about my previous management jobs and said "I did well at the human resources aspect of the job." My cousin would likely make a joke about bragging. I never understood why saying what you do well, especially since I am the first to say what I do NOT do well, was equated with bragging. In my mind, I'm just listing positives and negatives.
    Maybe your cousin is jealous. I can tell you are smart, so maybe she's teasing you to minimize you. It's not right (in my book), but some people do that.
    -Sandy
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  7. #37
    ish red no longer *sad* nightning's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JivinJeffJones View Post
    I'm often at a loss as to how to reply. I would answer honestly assuming a) I knew how I actually feel about anything (as opposed to how I think I feel about them) or b) they would be comfortable receiving an honest answer.
    *nods* I find myself doing the same thing... Sometimes I feel like asking "Well what type of answer do you want? My rambling honest answer that you'll probably have no interests in? Or the short pleasantry?

    Then I ended up think... why bother? And answer like you:

    Response: "Not too bad."
    Guess I only have myself to blame for not being open... Now how much of self disclosure is Fi and how much is Fe?

    Quote Originally Posted by cascademn View Post
    In real life I am quite private in terms of sharing personal beliefs/thoughts (various reasons), although I'll be very open about more factual stuff about me. I would like to be a bit more open with others. It's a work in progress.

    And with people I trust, I will voluntarily go deeper. But I have a really hard time verbalizing my actual feelings, and WHY I feel the way I do. I think part of it is that my thoughts and feelings are really layered/convoluted and it's nearly impossible for me to verbalize them instantly when someone puts me on the spot. It's why I do much better in writing. I have time to sort through my thoughts.

    I think the other piece is that I do a good deal of self-monitoring. I don't necessarily think it's appropriate, OR a good idea (i.e. consequences), to share my thoughts or feelings with people sometimes.
    I fully agree with what you've said there. Perhaps the difference between INFJ and INFPs in self disclosure isn't so much visible from the outside... but it's involved in the reasons/motivations behind our actions. That even though both types comes across as uhhhh reserve, it's for different reasons.

  8. #38
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    I do believe that is true. My INFJ friend is much better at providing concrete examples.

    Meanwhile, I occasionally show abstract dialog, but only if I want to be abstract and poetic.
    Otherwise, I tell it as it is, or don't speak at all.
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