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  1. #21
    Senior Member chippinchunk's Avatar
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    How sad, I'll never be able to figure this out. And ive been reading this thread for a while.

  2. #22
    Scream down the boulevard LadyJaye's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by quietgirl View Post
    I find my ENFP best friend is the same exact way. Also, it can be like pulling teeth to get both my INFP cousin and INFP brother to really open up about something. I STILL don't know what my cousin (who is also one of my best friends!) believes as far as religion because she refuses to discuss it on the grounds that it's highly personal to her.

    I, on the other hand, come off as fairly closed but when you get talking to me, I'm actually open enough that I'm kicking myself afterwards for disclosing so much!

    As far as the OP, I think Fe does have the tendency to self disclose over Fi.
    I can only speak for myself, but often I feel like what I think or feel about something, in the broad view of the cosmos, is ultimately irrelevant. I do still maintain very definite opinions about things, but I feel reticent to share them, because it feels arrogant to me somehow. Which is a paradox really, since I don't view other people sharing their opinions as arrogant. It's like a rule I only subconsciously apply to myself.

    Frustrating, I know.

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by LadyJaye View Post
    I can only speak for myself, but often I feel like what I think or feel about something, in the broad view of the cosmos, is ultimately irrelevant. I do still maintain very definite opinions about things, but I feel reticent to share them, because it feels arrogant to me somehow. Which is a paradox really, since I don't view other people sharing their opinions as arrogant. It's like a rule I only subconsciously apply to myself.

    Frustrating, I know.
    This is interesting. My ENFP best friend and the INFPs I know have this thing against "bragging". They occasionally call me out for bragging when I am disclosing positive information about myself. Do you normally feel as though sharing positive information about yourself is a form of bragging?

  4. #24
    To the top of the world arcticangel02's Avatar
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    A little bit, yes. Especially when it's not exactly relavant to what's being talked about, when someone jumps in with 'Oh guess what I did today!' or 'Let's talk about me!' or something along those lines, it is a little self-absorbed. I think for the most part we don't mind, not at all, we just won't do it ourselves.

    And... yeah. Jaye said it well. :P
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  5. #25
    Senior Member Vortex's Avatar
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    It's funny, I always really make an effort to be open with people, but I'm totally secretive and have always been. I hate the idea that my parents know too much about me, just like I hate the idea that someone should pity me or get any information that can be used for emotional leverage. Full disclosure is limited to the very few and it takes a long time before I trust anybody enough for that. Even with the few that I do trust, there are things I simply refuse to discuss, like getting a bad grade, failing a driving test or something like that, not big stuff but what to me seems embarassing. If it's personal to me and I don't feel like sharing it, you can't coax it out.

  6. #26
    Senior Member Sandy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by quietgirl View Post
    This is interesting. My ENFP best friend and the INFPs I know have this thing against "bragging". They occasionally call me out for bragging when I am disclosing positive information about myself. Do you normally feel as though sharing positive information about yourself is a form of bragging?
    At the end of every year, my boss asks us to send him all the positive outcomes of our work throughout the year so that he will have it for our review at the first of the year (bonuses). It's funny to see all my colleagues own lists of their own achievements... it looks like they are patting themselves on the back, and it's all about meee! (which makes me kind of nauseous).

    Every year, I cannot bring myself to send my boss a list of all my own achievements.
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  7. #27
    Scream down the boulevard LadyJaye's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by quietgirl View Post
    This is interesting. My ENFP best friend and the INFPs I know have this thing against "bragging". They occasionally call me out for bragging when I am disclosing positive information about myself. Do you normally feel as though sharing positive information about yourself is a form of bragging?
    Well, it really does depend on context. I would never consider it "bragging" to share something you've done with me that you're excited about or proud of, because as your friend, I would very much want to know, and I would be proud of you myself. The ENTJ and ENFJ folks I have in my life seek me out to tell me what new things they've done, I believe as a way of sharing the glow of victory with me, not at my expense.

    If I were you, I would want the NFPs to elaborate on the bragging call, because that frankly seems a bit accusatory. Have they told you why they say that? Or is there a specific instance you could use to illustrate?

  8. #28
    Scream down the boulevard LadyJaye's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sandy View Post
    At the end of every year, my boss asks us to send him all the positive outcomes of our work throughout the year so that he will have it for our review at the first of the year (bonuses). It's funny to see all my colleagues own lists of their own achievements... it looks like they are patting themselves on the back, and it's all about meee! (which makes me kind of nauseous).

    Every year, I cannot bring myself to send my boss a list of all my own achievements.
    No way could I do that either. Talk about massively unpleasant. Is your boss asking for a concrete list of accomplished tasks, like " I bought a million shares of XYZ stock, which yielded a 25% return for the company" , or is it more like " Well, I bought XYZ shares, which makes me a marketing genius, and you're lucky to have me." ?

  9. #29
    Senior Member Sandy's Avatar
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    The comments seem to be both concrete and commentary -- ie. "Due to my diligence in watching the engineering workload, we were under budget by 30% in overtime. I was able to resolve xxx issues with my direct reports, and they did more with one less budgeted person".

    Anyway, I know what I have accomplished, however I hate patting myself on the back (and putting it down on paper -- that's HIS job!) My colleagues have no problems doing that.
    -Sandy
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  10. #30
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sandy View Post
    At the end of every year, my boss asks us to send him all the positive outcomes of our work throughout the year so that he will have it for our review at the first of the year (bonuses). It's funny to see all my colleagues own lists of their own achievements... it looks like they are patting themselves on the back, and it's all about meee! (which makes me kind of nauseous).

    Every year, I cannot bring myself to send my boss a list of all my own achievements.
    I'm pretty good at that if I try, actually. I prefer to hear compliments from other people, but I know how to make myself look good. I can see how that would be hard for Fi's, though.

    I wonder if part of what makes some INFP's dislike me is that I tend to show emotion a lot in particular ways, while they tend to keep it inside and mull it over, and it makes me seem kind of "shallow" in comparison. There's something about them that makes me feel I'm being judged on something I don't have any control over or understanding of. It makes me feel helpless and paralyzed. It's like I wish they'd pay attention to my active will, what I'm actually trying to do and be, and not the immutable substratum I can't do anything about. Does that make sense, or were those probably just bad experiences I should chalk up to coincidence, misunderstanding, or immaturity?

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