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  1. #11
    Senior Member Dom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    I think that's a false impression nightning... I know that my brother (ENFP) does appear to be very open, but if you try to get him to really talk about how he feels about things, anything serious... it's like getting blood out of a stone. He gets frustrated that people think of him as being 'uncomplicated' and even shallow, when in fact he's pretty profound within himself, he just doesn't like sharing it. He has said in the past that he 'gives' so much of himself to other people, he likes to keep a little back just for himself.
    this I recognise....

  2. #12
    Senior Member Sandy's Avatar
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    Default Maybe I can talk more openly because I am older...

    As an INFP, I think I have revealed a lot about myself here on this forum. I'm not too shy to tell personal feelings, in depth, IF I feel comfortable. I do, however, try VERY hard to control my tongue when it comes to politics and religion. Even though I expect some of you may know how I feel and what I believe, I don't want to stir things up -- not here; personally, I do not want to debate my strong thoughts about those issues.
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  3. #13
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze
    However, I've always felt very private and reticent when people start asking me point blank questions like, 'What do you want to do with your life?' or 'What are you afraid of' etc.. Not only do questions like that sound too new agey to me, but they feel way too intimate and it makes me really suspicious why anyone would want to know that. Especially if it's for cocktail conversation, deeply personal stuff like that is reserved for deeply personal convos with people I trust or just myself, not passing banter with strangers.
    Yeah I can understand that, I feel the same way about people doing it in 'small-talk' situations.

    However, with my brother and another ENFP I know, they won't open up even to close family about important things. My brother has done a lot of drifting and as a result is now in his late 30's and still shifting from pillar to post, reliant on the charity of friends, still the eternal student, and everywhere he goes it's the same thing: raving about how fantastic it is to start with and then it all turns sour when reality sets in. People who know him can tell that it's because he idealizes everything and then feels very disappointed when it turns out that people have faults and everything isn't perfect, and somewhere along the line a bit of hard work (something he seems to think he can get through life without) is necessary. But he just blames the people wherever he is, and says he's not happy in that town because of a list of faults he brings up about the people there, the culture there, and how he'd be much happier in this other place he's been to which is great, and how, if he was there, he'd be able to work harder but he simply can't in his current environment because it makes him so deeply unhappy. Then the cycle starts again.

    It's impossible to really talk to him or reason with him about this, even when you're one of the people who ends up with him sleeping on your sofa and feeding him at your expense while he messes the place up, on a regular basis when he's "between homes". You can't really get him to open up about why it is he can't just commit to somewhere, someplace, and work through the problems he gets or why he thinks that moving away will be a solution when it's so far failed him all his life; you can't get him to talk about how evidence points to it not being the towns or people that are the problem, but him, since the same problems occur wherever he goes. And if he gets defensive, you also can't talk to him about how you really just love and care for him and that's why you're concerned and want to help him get settled - he gets embarrassed and changes the subject. Or else he disbelieves you because you've criticized him and he's offended by it (but won't tell you and thinks you can't tell).

    And he won't actually bring up with any of these people who terribly disappoint him to the point of needing to leave town, these problems he feels he has with them. Never gives them a chance to clarify things or work things out with him. Most of the time they don't even know they're upsetting him and quite often there's no real reason why they should be, except that they've committed the crime of failing to live up to his ideals and expectations (that he never told them about).

    He's said before that he doesnt like to talk about serious things because he doesn't like to bring people down. He likes to be thought of as the funny, playful guy that everyone looks forward to seeing, and dreads the idea of being thought of as a drag or a sympathy seeker or whatever, so that's one reason (he says) why he doesn't share things.
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  4. #14
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    I don't know much about INFP's... but I do know that I would be hesitant to share personal experiences in public, but I'm much more likely to open up to someone who's gained my trust one-on-one, although often the reason I tend to focus on outer details is because there's not a whole lot of deep, personal things going inside... for us, most of our feelings are engaged in what's happening around us at the moment rather than deep within us. It takes a bit more focus and imagination to conjure a past emotion for us than for an INFP, I think.

    INFP's seem a lot brighter and more cheerful, but also less careful or aware of subtleties in situations, tending to see things very generally at times. This improves if they develop Te.

    They don't seem particularly reserved with personal details for an Introverted type, really. Such reticence is common among introverts.

  5. #15
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by autumn View Post
    The site's author says that INFPs, favoring Fi, tend not to self-disclose about particular things, though they may share their more abstract or general ideas; whereas INFJs, favoring Fe, tend to actually use concrete examples of self-disclosure in order to facilitate communication between themselves and others.

    Do any of you INFPs or ENFPs feel this is a correct assessment, in general?
    I sometimes self-disclose beyond what would be considered contextually appropriate -- I dislike playing games or pretending to be someone I'm not. Not that remaining contextually appropriate is necessarily playing games or pretending to be someone you aren't. But quite a lot of my inner life goes undisclosed simply because I don't think it's relevant. When people are asking me how I feel about anything - especially anything important - I'm often at a loss as to how to reply. I would answer honestly assuming a) I knew how I actually feel about anything (as opposed to how I think I feel about them) or b) they would be comfortable receiving an honest answer.

    Obvious and oversimplistic example: "How are you today?" Hmm. How am I today? How am I really? I'm not sure actually. I guess I'm okay, but what does that mean? Am I okay relatively or absolutely speaking? What is my absolute condition? My beliefs are loosely Christian, so what would my absolute condition be according to Christianity? Saved or unsaved, I guess. Which am I? I don't know. Or are we talking health or happiness? If happiness, absolute happiness or happiness relative to past or desired levels of happiness? I've certainly been much unhappier in the past, but I've been far happier too. And I'm desperately short of my desired level of happiness. So I guess I'm not really happy, but I'm not currently particularly unhappy. I'm just not happy. What other criteria to measure how one is? Moral satisfaction? Progress in accomplishing life ambitions? Progress in identifying life ambitions? Relationships? Not a lot to show for any of those. Maybe I need to measure how I am relative to how other people are doing? Which people? I would only be comparing myself with certain facets of their lives anyway -- those I consider desirable. Even then, I would be dealing with my own perception of those facets, which most likely wouldn't be accurate anyway. They might not be happy at all. Actually, is this person even asking a genuine question or just offering a ritualized greeting? Probably the latter. He hasn't allocated enough time in his momentarily shortened stride to hear a full response. How should I respond? Should I be honest anyway, or should I play the game? He is clearly motivated by good if bland intentions.

    Response: "Not too bad."

    There is far more to say on this subject, but it probably isn't relevant.

  6. #16
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    I don't know.
    INFJs are more difficult to figure out. I have had trouble getting them to talk about internal experiences. Usually they do focus on outer details (and can talk about the concrete things that have happened, and can often even do good impersonal analysis), but they seem even more protective of the inner life than the INFPs I have talked to. I don't know. I'm having trouble really specifying the difference.
    How I post on this forum aside....

    In real life I am quite private in terms of sharing personal beliefs/thoughts (various reasons), although I'll be very open about more factual stuff about me. I would like to be a bit more open with others. It's a work in progress.

    I find I can readily show my emotions - as in, 'I am happy', 'I am SO excited', 'I'm not doing so great'...etc. And concrete things, and personal life experiences. And with people I trust, I will voluntarily go deeper. But I have a really hard time verbalizing my actual feelings, and WHY I feel the way I do. I think part of it is that my thoughts and feelings are really layered/convoluted and it's nearly impossible for me to verbalize them instantly when someone puts me on the spot. It's a source of embarassment for me that when someone asks a really personal question of me, or a very general question ('What are your spiritual beliefs?'), I clam up. I need specific questions; if the question is too broad, I don't even know where to begin. I also often need a lot of time to myself to sort through all of it and identify specifically why I feel/think a certain way, that is readily translatable to someone else. It's why I do much better in writing. I have time to sort through my thoughts.

    I think the other piece is that I do a good deal of self-monitoring. I don't necessarily think it's appropriate, OR a good idea (i.e. consequences), to share my thoughts or feelings with people sometimes. For example, if I know someone isn't going to be receptive to my thoughts/beliefs based on things they have already told me about themselves that are in opposition to how I operate, then I may not tell them how I am, at least voluntarily. If they ask? Sure, I'll be honest in my answer. But I *really* hate hurting/offending/disagreeing with people (even over the internet) - I get knots in my stomach - this is just a simple fact; I can't deny it - so harmony is important to me; thus, it's much 'easier' for me emotionally to just keep things to myself, rather than express them to others and face potential discord, which I don't handle well. In recent years I've been striving for more of a healthy balance regarding this piece.
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  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by autumn View Post
    ... whereas INFJs, favoring Fe, tend to actually use concrete examples of self-disclosure in order to facilitate communication between themselves and others.
    I don't know about the NFP part, but I know this part is true for me. When I share something personal, it's nearly always specifically with the purpose of promoting trust and healthy communication between myself and someone else.

  8. #18
    Resident Snot-Nose GZA's Avatar
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    Yah, I definitely have a hard time talking about my feelings. I'm not really sure why, cause I'd love to, but I can't look someone in the eyes and tell them how I feel about things, because I totally coke and break into tears, even if its something happy, hahahaha. I once tried to talk to someone about how things made me feel, and thats exactly what happened... my throat just went "NOOO!" no matter how much I tried to say it and I just kind of cried instead, and then laughed

    I think a sad byproduct of this is that people might think I don't even have any feelings. in fact, when I read MBTI with a friend, she insisted I must be a thinker and that the feeler traits don't describe me, although then again, the thing we read was from our Intro to Psychology class and it had a really poor description of feelers vs thinkers, so I can't blame her for thinking I "act cool towards tohers" just because my deep emotional feelings are very much introverted and I don't think I facially express much either. I can't express just a little emotion, it either stays hidden or pours out.

    This may also be because I'm generally not comfortable with people enough to share this much emotion...

  9. #19
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by autumn View Post
    Recently I was reading this site: INFJ or INFP? a closer look, which was put together by an INFJ to help INFs determine whether they have INFJ or INFP preferences. Though I am an ENFP, I read the many, many pages and found it very interesting, though I don't know if I think absolutely all of it is correct. What I wonder especially is if there is an analogous relationship between ENFP and ENFJ characteristics.

    One thing that was especially interesting was the page on "The Self-Disclosure Facet." (You can find it by using the drop-down menu in the corner; there's no direct link to it.) The site's author says that INFPs, favoring Fi, tend not to self-disclose about particular things, though they may share their more abstract or general ideas; whereas INFJs, favoring Fe, tend to actually use concrete examples of self-disclosure in order to facilitate communication between themselves and others.

    Do any of you INFPs or ENFPs feel this is a correct assessment, in general? And other types, does this observation seem to square with your interactions with NFPs?

    I will come back later to give my answer.
    I am an INTJ/INFJ combo.
    I have always done self-disclosure.

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    I think that's a false impression nightning... I know that my brother (ENFP) does appear to be very open, but if you try to get him to really talk about how he feels about things, anything serious... it's like getting blood out of a stone. He gets frustrated that people think of him as being 'uncomplicated' and even shallow, when in fact he's pretty profound within himself, he just doesn't like sharing it. He has said in the past that he 'gives' so much of himself to other people, he likes to keep a little back just for himself.
    I find my ENFP best friend is the same exact way. Also, it can be like pulling teeth to get both my INFP cousin and INFP brother to really open up about something. I STILL don't know what my cousin (who is also one of my best friends!) believes as far as religion because she refuses to discuss it on the grounds that it's highly personal to her.

    I, on the other hand, come off as fairly closed but when you get talking to me, I'm actually open enough that I'm kicking myself afterwards for disclosing so much!

    As far as the OP, I think Fe does have the tendency to self disclose over Fi.

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