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Thread: ESFJs and ENFPs

  1. #1
    Member Waffle's Avatar
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    Default ESFJs and ENFPs

    I started this thread over on PersonalityCafe, but I thought I'd share it here too.
    I have a long history with a guy I believe to be an ESFJ. We had what is still t0o date my longest relationship, and we broke up because I have a depression meltdown, and he didn't think he was good enough to fix it. Oddly, we've stayed friends, and the feelings that we had for each other have floated between since. It's all very frustrating, and we have pretty much freely admitted to still loving the either intensely, and the feelings never really stopped. Sadly, being an ENFP who has been in a number of relationships and has spent nearly no time single, I decided now would be an excellent time to explore the world. This ESFJ has vowed to wait for me, but has promised me that he'll continue to explore options as well. He really is wonderful, but I can not be tied down at the moment.
    Though both the ESFJ and ENFP's natural partners are introverted, I have found that I can't really truly understand introverts when we're in a relationship. They don't understand why I want to go out to big events and meet new people, and be social. I feel like extroverted types are much better for the ENFP. However, I have no idea what would be best for the ESFJ. I rather think the ESFJ-ENFP is a good one because the ESFJ acts as a sort of parent towards the ENFP, coddling us and helping us feel safe, while ENFP is always bursting with compliments and positive reaffirmation for the ESFJ. Plus both tend to be quite physically affectionate, while one can balance the home and the other can bring in new ideas to keep things interesting.

    In short: ESFJ + ENFP = Good pair in my mind.

    What do you guys think? Do you have any ESFJ- ENFP stories?
    "I do not have delusions of grandeur. I am grand!" - My Mother (An ENTP)

  2. #2
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    You think ESFJ & ENFP is a good pair but that INTJ & ENFP is a disaster? Srsly, I'm sorry, I don't get it at all.

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    Member Waffle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    You think ESFJ & ENFP is a good pair but that INTJ & ENFP is a disaster? Srsly, I'm sorry, I don't get it at all.
    Olllllllllld. I've been proven wrong. it was a particular INTJ that threw me off.
    "I do not have delusions of grandeur. I am grand!" - My Mother (An ENTP)

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    Senior Member ilovereeses's Avatar
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    I was with an ESFJ and it was my longest relationship too. It worked out really well until he scolded me for acting silly. He's also pretty sexist, but that didn't show up until later on in the relationship. I wonder if things could've worked out better if we had waited till we were more mature.
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    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Waffle View Post
    Olllllllllld. I've been proven wrong. it was a particular INTJ that threw me off.
    Oh, I didn't realize that you had changed your opinion.

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    Member Waffle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    Oh, I didn't realize that you had changed your opinion.
    I changed while the thread was going on, but I guess my post got bypassed as the crazy debate raged on.
    "I do not have delusions of grandeur. I am grand!" - My Mother (An ENTP)

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    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Yeah probably, that was a wild thread.

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    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Waffle View Post
    ESFJ + ENFP = Good pair in my mind.
    I've never dated an ESFJ, but I have a good friend who is an ESFJ. She does take care of me in many ways. And I do spice her life up a bit.

    However, I can't really see me being happy dating an ESFJ. However, there is a lot of variability in how ESFJs operate in the world.

    I think ESFJs, in their formative years, are supposed to pick up their values from the the values of the those around them. So if your ESFJ was raised around sexist people, he's going to be sexist now.

    I still go back to the well hashed point on this forum which is ENFPs need lots of variety and to feel like they are not being controlled. I think for ESFJs, once they make up their mind, that's just the way things are. This would drive me INSANE.

    ENFPs always see the possibilities... like Waffle is seeing the possibilities in this ESFJ. However, if you take time to sort through the facts, I think you'll find that seeing the potential in a relationship doesn't mean that's the potential that would be realized if a relationship were initiated.

  9. #9
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    i could see esfj working more than intj for me..not that i know any intjs tho....also isn't ben harper an esfj? he's all kinds of cool.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
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  10. #10
    Senior Member Chloe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    i could see esfj working more than intj for me..

    you may regret saying that. I did.

    NTJs are the best match, imo. I thought i wouldnt like NTJs, but then I met INTJ and it was WOW!!!!like nothing before!!

    ... anyway.. I am not expirienced with ESFJ guys but I know my INFP friend is very into them. And one ENFP friend is also very attracted to ESFJ guys. However, I think it's only initial attraction and they (my friends) wouldnt work with them because of S/N differences...

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