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  1. #1
    Senior Member TopherRed's Avatar
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    Default ENFJs and Kissing Ass

    I was told today by an INTJ that my methodolgy for dealing with people is to kiss their ass. His interpretation of Fe. I consider it diplomacy. But I wonder...to what degree does that affect me with girls...

    ...Like if I'm ever going to end up with an xNxP, how far does "he's so nice" really get me? Mmm...

    Just things to ponder. Fellow ENFJs, lend me your opinions! (and anybody else who'd like to comment).
    Love is the point.

  2. #2
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    you mean will a fi user respect your fe and/or be attracted to it? i mean being nice is not synonymous with ass kissing unless your way of being nice is to forget you have an opinion...hmm..need more info...
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

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    Senior Member TopherRed's Avatar
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    Have and express my opinions openly...especially when I think it needs to be heard. I just do it strategically; meaning I usually tell them when it would have maximum impact, and a way that they'll get it. So, I guess I'm not a kiss ass. But I am nice. I wonder sometimes though...
    Love is the point.

  4. #4
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    well...how about just being nice because you want to without expecting it to get you somewhere...i mean...lots of people are nice it's not the only thing that draws people together so it's always going to depend on other factors as well ya know?

    sorry...trying to be helpful but maybe i'm not clear on what you're really asking.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  5. #5
    Senior Member TopherRed's Avatar
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    *shrug* not clear either. I am naturally nice...though I often question whether my personality changes around girls I'm attracted to, but there's no way anybody on the forum can analyze that for me.

    I guess it's more of a statement. Is "niceness", when naturally exuded in a personality, an unattractive trait to xNxPs?
    Love is the point.

  6. #6
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    As long as it is genuine, it does not bother me, and it can even be very attractive (not kissing ass, but complimenting and having an agreeable nature). I find most ENFJs to be forthcoming with their opinions & not afraid to disagree (in a non pushy way - which is an art, really), but on occasion they seek to please & tell two different things to two different people. On these occasions, it is mildly annoying, but not exactly a deal-breaker. I understand diplomacy and have learned myself when to be the voice of dissent & when to stay quiet, but agreeing just to agree is where I draw the line. If the ENFJ usually draws the line there, then I won't lose any respect.

    EDIT: You may find that some FPs occasionally have the opposite problem - disagreeing just to disagree and be "different", and it is equally annoying .
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

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    Senior Member TopherRed's Avatar
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    Love is the point.

  8. #8
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    i imagine so many of us would have a different opinion but yeah i like when someone is nice but only if it's genuine. i'd rather them be less nice and to respect their reasoning behind it then have them be fake nice....so yeah someone who speaks and acts from a genuinely caring place is cool.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  9. #9
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  10. #10
    Lallygag Moderator Geoff's Avatar
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    The one ENFJ I know well in real life doesnt kiss ass. She's much more likely to be insulting, but in a jokey way as a means of getting her point across. So she picks on me. But then this in the Uk where we kinda do the sarcastic thing more often.

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