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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fuzzcrossed View Post
    I was told today by an INTJ that my methodolgy for dealing with people is to kiss their ass. His interpretation of Fe. I consider it diplomacy. But I wonder...to what degree does that affect me with girls...

    ...Like if I'm ever going to end up with an xNxP, how far does "he's so nice" really get me? Mmm...

    Just things to ponder. Fellow ENFJs, lend me your opinions! (and anybody else who'd like to comment).
    well in my opinion I'd have to say that being diplomatic is helpful in any kind of relationship especially a romantic one. Disagreements in long term relationships/friendships are almost impossible to avoid forever and if/when it occurs being diplomatic will get you a lot farther than telling someone that they can stick X into Y or whatever.

    As far as meeting girls goes, I'd suspect that would depend on the girl. What kind of girl is your type (i.e. bad girl, good girl, etc)? There are some people out there (girls and guys) that prefer the bad boy/girl - so with that type being "nice" probably wouldn't get you too far at first, but there are plenty of people that are looking specifically for a "nice guy" too... So, I guess what I'm saying is it all depends on you and what you're into. Not that I am anything close to an expert on relationships - this is just my two-cents.

  2. #12
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Oh my, not my ENFJ. He will be diplomatic and he will play the "game" to a degree (such as with work related crap). However, I've never seen him or heard of him kissing ass. It's never to buck the system just because but he does have a line and makes it well known.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  3. #13
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    I had a similar experience at work recently.

    A coworker (INTJ) thought he had pissed off our boss during an argument. He didn't really like the idea of having our boss pissed at him and he asked me how I would handle it (I get through the social aspects of work much easier than he does).

    I said I would just drop in and talk to her and try to get a feel for if she was pissed off at me and if I got any indication there was some tension I would just talk through the specific disagreement with her and work it out.

    His response was "So you think the solution is to go suck up to my boss."

    I was like "Uhhhh, you do realize she is a person and you are allowed to actually go talk to her and if you have a problem with her you two should discuss it together, it isn't sucking up."

    It was totally lost on him.

    If I have a point here I guess it is that having social skills is not the same thing as kissing ass and some people just can't get it. I think some are of the opinion that if you don't chest thump your way through life you are some kind of pushover or kiss ass. Not hardly.

    I just wouldn't worry too much about it.

  4. #14
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    that's nuts.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  5. #15
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    Fuzz, I remember a few days ago on vent you were genuinely complimenting a girl (kyuuei or rainbows, I think) on what great of a catch she was and Abra (ENTJ) reacted by saying something like "my god, Fuzz". This thread reminds me of that. I think Fe can come off a bit much if the Fe user doesn't watch it. As a result, others see it as "kissing ass".

  6. #16
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    ^ Or shameless flirting...
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by stalemate View Post
    A coworker (INTJ) thought he had pissed off our boss during an argument. He didn't really like the idea of having our boss pissed at him and he asked me how I would handle it (I get through the social aspects of work much easier than he does).

    I said I would just drop in and talk to her and try to get a feel for if she was pissed off at me and if I got any indication there was some tension I would just talk through the specific disagreement with her and work it out.

    His response was "So you think the solution is to go suck up to my boss."

    I was like "Uhhhh, you do realize she is a person and you are allowed to actually go talk to her and if you have a problem with her you two should discuss it together, it isn't sucking up."

    It was totally lost on him.
    I'm sorry, but this is absolutely hilarious


    There's some gray area between "talking effectively to people" and "kissing ass". I think the former is all about being assertive; standing up for your interests while still recognizing the perspective of the other person.

    Striving for a "win-win" isn't kissing ass. Now.. "lose-win".. well, that's a different story.

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    ^ Or shameless flirting...
    LOL guilty.

    There's probably several people that THINK I have a crush on them when it's the farthest from the truth... probably a couple on this forum...

  9. #19
    Post-Humorously stalemate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mister Eyebrows View Post
    I'm sorry, but this is absolutely hilarious
    Oh, I agree, I thought it was comical too.

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pitseleh View Post
    There's probably several people that THINK I have a crush on them when it's the farthest from the truth... probably a couple on this forum.....
    /raises hand

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