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Thread: INFJ Harassment

  1. #1
    Senior Member ilovereeses's Avatar
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    Default INFJ Harassment

    I was in a relationship with an extremely unhealthy INFJ.

    The breakup was a messy 1 month process...involving many angry emails from him, followed by an apology email full of, "You don't know how I feel..." and "I want to think that you're a nice girl, but..." and "Remember back when we were happy?" and, "[enter name] is so much nicer, why can't you understand me like her?" stuff in there, begging me to meet with him to talk just "one more time"....because "just 5 minutes could solve everything."

    He hadn't talked to or seen me for about 2 months until he randomly texted me yesterday saying that he wanted to apologize. I told him that it was ok and forgave him and we had a normal, every day conversation after that.

    Then he texts me today saying that we need to talk about the past.

    What he doesn't realize is that the fact that he keeps bringing it up is what is pushing me away. I don't know how to get this through his head. I want to forget every crappy thing that ever happened, in fact, I never really want to see him again, but he keeps persisting on us being friends. So, I'm trying, but he's making it impossible. I had told him before that I'd contact him when I was ready to be friends again, but of course he disregarded that.

    Then he tries forcing logic on me that doesn't even make sense, followed by a "think bout it" .....

    How do I knock some sense into him and get him to stop harassing me?! I've tried everything: ignoring, being nice, being mean, telling him he's being immature, telling him to stop, telling him I won't reply anymore.

    Nothing works!
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    ~10% of life is what happens to you, 90% of life is how you deal with it.

  2. #2
    Glycerine
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    He CRAVES closure from you. That's what is going on.

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    Cat Wench ReadingRainbows's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pitseleh View Post
    He CRAVES closure from you. That's what is going on.
    Ditto.
    Quote Originally Posted by EffEmDoubleyou View Post
    St. Stephen took rocks and St. Sebastian took arrows. You only have to take some jerks on an internet forum. Nut up.

  4. #4
    Senior Member groovejet02's Avatar
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    Tell him that it's over, there's nothing more to discuss and threaten to call the cops on him if he continues to harass you.

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    You're giving him hope with your ambivalent behavior. If you REALLY don't want to talk to him anymore, seriously tell him to get lost. Also, don't ever to threaten to call the cops unless you're really going to. If it progresses to that point get a restraining order, but there are quite a few steps to go through before you get there. Seriously just try to tell him to fuck off. If you can't do that, you're sending mixed signals to someone who still has a thing for you.

  6. #6
    Minister of Propagandhi ajblaise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    You're giving him hope with your ambivalent behavior.
    This was my first thought too. And it sounds like he's exploiting your ambivalence. Poor NFPs.

    If you want it to be over, tell him it's over, especially the friendship.

    The friendship strategy is how male INFJs get girls in the first place!

  7. #7
    Phantonym
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    I agree with what others have said about him craving closure and you giving him hope by sending mixed signals.

    Your relationship will always be open-ended if he sees a possibility of friendship and this is what keeps feeding his imagination.

    Have a talk with him in person. You have to be resolute about this if you want it to stop. Use an assertive tone of voice, there shouldn't be no hesitation. Don't be nice, don't be mean, make perfectly clear that you want nothing to do with him in any kind of way. After you've had the talk don't react in any way to him. If he happens to contact you, don't reply to his texts or e-mails. If he calls, tell him you don't want to talk to him and hang up immediately.

    Good luck.

  8. #8
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by groovejet02 View Post
    Tell him that it's over, there's nothing more to discuss and threaten to call the cops on him if he continues to harass you.
    This.

    He's being an ass with all that manipulative, self-pitying behavior. You owe him nothing. Nobody is obligated to be someone's girlfriend just because they are a nice person -- what BS! If you can block all contact with him electronically without going broke, do that too.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

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    Closure??? But aren't INFJs the masters of the "doorslam"??

    Confused..

  10. #10
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arclight View Post
    Closure??? But aren't INFJs the masters of the "doorslam"??

    Confused..
    The doorslam only works if it's our idea. I suppose she could try to provoke a doorslam, but triggering that can be unpredictable and probably not worth the effort.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

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