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Thread: INFJ Harassment

  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arclight View Post
    Closure??? But aren't INFJs the masters of the "doorslam"??

    Confused..
    "Doorslams" only work when there's inner resolve and there is a sense of closure. When you feel there's unfinished business and things go round and round and round in one's mind, that's not a "doorslam". Seeking closure is important in that case because otherwise it's just going to go on forever.

    This isn't the case of a doorslam. He still feels hopeful, he's not the one who wants to let go and she's giving mixed signals about the whole situation that only makes things worse for both of them.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sky is BLUE! View Post
    "Doorslams" only work when there's inner resolve and there is a sense of closure. When you feel there's unfinished business and things go round and round and round in one's mind, that's not a "doorslam". Seeking closure is important in that case because otherwise it's just going to go on forever.

    This isn't the case of a doorslam. He still feels hopeful, he's not the one who wants to let go and she's giving mixed signals about the whole situation that only makes things worse for both of them.
    Yeah My point is.. The INFJ doorslams.. but what if the person being doorslammed doesn't feel closure? What if the person being doorslammed has stuff to process? what if the INFJ sent a bunch of signals and then just dropped off the face the Earth?

    So INFJs understand what the person is feeling who they doorslam, but expect to be respected and left alone anyway. But when they don't have the closure they need again it's the other person who is being difficult?

    I am confused

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    The doorslam only works if it's our idea. I suppose she could try to provoke a doorslam, but triggering that can be unpredictable and probably not worth the effort.

    I like this honesty.. More do as I say not as I do..
    Bless you!!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Arclight View Post
    I like this honesty.. More do as I say not as I do..
    Bless you!!
    FWIW, I don't think other people owe me an explanation if they don't want a relationship with me anymore except my husband and maybe my children.

    My husband did make an actual legal commitment and I made and have honored that commitment as well, so I expect him to do the same.

    I expect that when my kids move out they are going to be busy with their own lives and will probably go through a phase where they think we were crappy parents, etc which is why I make it a point to have a life outside of my children.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arclight View Post
    Yeah My point is.. The INFJ doorslams.. but what if the person being doorslammed doesn't feel closure? What if the person being doorslammed has stuff to process? what if the INFJ sent a bunch of signals and then just dropped off the face the Earth?

    So INFJs understand what the person is feeling who they doorslam, but expect to be respected and left alone anyway. But when they don't have the closure they need again it's the other person who is being difficult?

    I am confused
    I can't speak for all INFJs. Everybody is different. If there's a problem then it should be addressed and it is up to the person who has some issues left to talk about to address them. They have every right to do so and I think the person addressed should listen to them even if a "doorslamming" has taken place. Thoughts and opinions should be voiced but once you've done all that there's also a time to let go and accept how things are even when they haven't gone exactly the way you wanted them to. Only after this can you expect to be respected and left alone.

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arclight View Post
    Closure??? But aren't INFJs the masters of the "doorslam"??

    Confused..

    Personally, I don't equate closure and doorslam.

    I think this dude knows he was wrong somehow, thus needing OP to close things for him so he can process his guilt and get on with his life. Selfish maybe?

    Doorslam can be complicated and the nature of it seems to be dependent upon the mental state of the person too.

    I doorslam if I KNOW for a fact the person is really up to no good: facts backup what I was feeling in my heart all along.

  7. #17
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    Have you clearly explained why you two broke up? I know it'd drive me crazy if I didn't know why, like anyone but once I do, I can completely put efforts into moving on. Closure is extremely important. Maybe you should sit down and firmly explain, make sure s/he doesn't have any more questions left.

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    We did try to talk it out in the past, but it always ended up with him acting like a victim and pin pointing the blame on me, guilting me into saying I was sorry and that I'd try better. Eventually I decided that we couldn't talk it out and told him that it was over for good. It wasn't a complete doorslam, but I ignored him for a long time. He continued to send me messages every day, though. Then I replied to one of them telling him to grow up and that I wouldn't respond to anything he says. Then he sent even nastier messages.

    Then he did the doorslam to me. He deleted and blocked me from facebook and left our church. He said that it was too much pain to see me, even though we'd only been together for a few months...

    Then he texted me again a few days ago. I was nice to him because he said that he wanted to apologize. But, I knew he hadn't changed when he snapped on me again when I refused his demand that I call him to talk about the past.

    But he just texted me again today saying that he gave up and feels like he wasted his time trying...hopefully it really is over X_X
    Last edited by ilovereeses; 05-16-2010 at 12:06 AM.
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  9. #19
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    IGNORE HIM at all costs. If you respond, its almost like you are giving into him.

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    sounds like a messed up INFJ so my advise stop all contact with him. otherwise repeatedly there's a chance that he's gonna mess your head up from time to time.

    I've only met one INFJ guy my life in person and I frankly think that the emotional balance between guy INFJ's and girl E are not optimal coz they can't handle it and they can be manipulative as a result.

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