musicnerd93
New member
- Joined
- Apr 19, 2010
- Messages
- 249
- MBTI Type
- INFP
- Enneagram
- 4w5
You probably know they're fragile and are afraid you'll hurt them even if you didn't mean to??
because you don't get that rush that says, you want to fuck infp brains out.
you want a live n the moment adrenalin rush, the adventure and exploration of a dominant man that can build your attraction at the snap of a finger. not the lame passive oh how i wish there was a soul mate to get my chemistry hot and bothered. your subconsciously looking for a predetermined style of attraction that has nothing to do with type but everything to do with your upbringing.
Well, I definitely think that gender plays a huge role in how type manifests for both INFPs and INFJs.
But a certain degree of that mystery and instant relatability (to adopt the previously mentioned "kinship" ) must have been part of the excitement, because after a few weeks I feel like I know everything about him, and it's lost that new-and-shiny feel, and with it, its sizzle.
It's like all he wants to do now is sit back being silent and share "moments" (which is usually him making goo-goo eyes and me being like, this is lame, let's go do something to change the world! ), and wait for the nuclear family and dog and white picket fence to arrive next week .
I'm looking to be swept off my feet in a way that's different from the INFP quiet-poetry-and-undying-love manner of wooing. What he's looking for is very serious in nature[....]
It may be that the gender of the person colors the lens of how our attraction to someone's type translates into an attraction to they themselves.
Two of my best friends in the whole world are INFPs. I adore INFPs! They are my partners in crime when it comes to all matters of intellectual reverie. But I've never been interested in dating an INFP, which seems counter-intuitive to me.
If INFPs and ENFPs had lots of natural conflict between their respective personalities, I might understand the natural routing to the "friends" box that I do. But I feel like my INFPs friends are my soul mates ... in a BFF kind of way. So is there something that INFPs and ENFPs provide each other that makes them great soul mates, but not a natural choice for being SOUL MATES (in an I'm going to spend the rest of my life with you kind of way)?
I was discussing this matter with another ENFP today when it occurred to me this would be a great topic for the forum. Please share your insights!
In my experience, a more accurate word is kindred.
I highly doubt you know anywhere near everything there is to know about him.... However, it's his own fault for hiding whatever goodies he has underneath. INFPs are known to do that. So you are free to judge him as he presents himself.
I wonder if that's a common male INFP tactic. I have to plead guilty doing that (not the poetry or artsy stuff, but the undying-love thing) over being flirty and challenging. My natural tendency is to want to do the deep undying love thing, and I wonder if it's who I am, or a shadow of the programming of how I was raised.
Hahaha, what does this say in English?
INFP males often seem to struggle developing as people if they find the love they want at too young of an age. It's interesting. I don't know if INFP women have the same issue or not.
I wonder if that's a common male INFP tactic. I have to plead guilty doing that (not the poetry or artsy stuff, but the undying-love thing) over being flirty and challenging. My natural tendency is to want to do the deep undying love thing, and I wonder if it's who I am, or a shadow of the programming of how I was raised.
I guess I just feel like we've moved into our "comfortable" stage faster than I feel ready for.
This is actually what I want, too! Maybe it's just an extraverted/intraverted thing, where I want to go out and do things with other people, and he wants to sit in and chill. So maybe what I'm mistaking for wanting different types of romance is really just a minor clash of how we expect that to manifest the majority of the time. I would also like deep undying love, but as I guess is related to your previous point that I didn't quote, I want flirty and challenging now and to combine it with deep undying love later...it may be that he's decided I'm "the one" so now he can stop looking and settle immediately into the partnership he's always yearned for .
"It may be that whether we think someone's type influences our attraction to them depends on their gender. If they exhibit traits that are expected of their gender (such as an Fe/Ti female or Fi/Te male) then we attribute it to their gender. If it's unexpected, like a shy sensitive man or a cold logical woman, we attribute it to their personality type.
Poke's experience is soooo foreign from my own (as the INFP), and in some ways I relate more to her perspective. I prefer playfulness at first too & get freaked out by any early push for commitment. I want to see where things go and explore possibilities; and yet, I also like intentions to be clear & for there to be some consistency. I can also be very serious, and it takes the right person to bring out my playful side (ENFJs are usually great at this - but bad at EVER getting serious). And eventually, the cute stuff gets old and I need to move into more serious territory, but not too soon. If I just contradicted myself 100 times, I assure you it makes sense in my head.