Quote Originally Posted by *poke* View Post
I guess I just feel like we've moved into our "comfortable" stage faster than I feel ready for.
This sounds reasonable. With me (and he isn't me, so just take this as a potential explanation), my insecurity when it comes to potentially deep feelings causes me to freak out when there's a lot of tension. Yet, tension is a good thing.

If I don't really care about the girl one way or another, that tension can be fun, and something I enjoy playing around with just to see what happens. But if I like her, I find myself trying to release it.

This is actually what I want, too! Maybe it's just an extraverted/intraverted thing, where I want to go out and do things with other people, and he wants to sit in and chill. So maybe what I'm mistaking for wanting different types of romance is really just a minor clash of how we expect that to manifest the majority of the time. I would also like deep undying love, but as I guess is related to your previous point that I didn't quote, I want flirty and challenging now and to combine it with deep undying love later...it may be that he's decided I'm "the one" so now he can stop looking and settle immediately into the partnership he's always yearned for .
That's possible, too. Although I don't know how he can possibly know you well enough to have determined that... you've known him for what, a month?

Sounds like he's watched too many "love at first sight" movies.

"It may be that whether we think someone's type influences our attraction to them depends on their gender. If they exhibit traits that are expected of their gender (such as an Fe/Ti female or Fi/Te male) then we attribute it to their gender. If it's unexpected, like a shy sensitive man or a cold logical woman, we attribute it to their personality type.
Well stated. And if MBTI or gender doesn't explain it, we always have the Enneagram to come in and save the day!

Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
Poke's experience is soooo foreign from my own (as the INFP), and in some ways I relate more to her perspective. I prefer playfulness at first too & get freaked out by any early push for commitment. I want to see where things go and explore possibilities; and yet, I also like intentions to be clear & for there to be some consistency. I can also be very serious, and it takes the right person to bring out my playful side (ENFJs are usually great at this - but bad at EVER getting serious). And eventually, the cute stuff gets old and I need to move into more serious territory, but not too soon. If I just contradicted myself 100 times, I assure you it makes sense in my head.
Yeah - a push for commitment too early usually stems from some sort of desperation or fear. I think it's totally fair to be turned off by it.