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Thread: infjs in super-charged emotionally exciting long-term relationships

  1. #11
    No Array Thalassa's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    6w7 sx
    SEE Fi


    Quote Originally Posted by phoenix13 View Post
    Do you know where that super-charged emotional currency comes from? 1. Infatuation, and 2. Conflict/Resolution cycles.

    Those cycles will wear you out FAST, and can be pretty painful. Then, if you're prone to negative cognitive distortions, you'll only remember the lows, and the highs will hold less weight. After a while, those lows pile up, and it's just not worth it anymore, so you break up. That's an "ideal" I'll pass on.

    I agree. Those kinds of relationships are exhausting - I was in one for five years, and it's not realistic, I certainly don't want to spend the rest of my life that way, and I couldn't imagine bringing a child into that shit.

    I don't know that idealizing NTs is necessarily healthy either though...

    I'm very traditionally feminine in the sense that I (not so) secretly believe that the man should be more rational than me, and that I should be able to look to him to maintain a certain level of stability. I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with me having that preference, but the simple fact is that Ts have their weak spots too, and there's always the potential of feeling emotionally alienated by a T.

    It really depends on the individual.
    "Sentiment without action is the ruin of the soul." - Edward Abbey

    SEE-Fi /Gamma

  2. #12
    Senior Member Array the state i am in's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    5w4 sx/sp


    for the record, i'm currently in a very good relationship with an nt. i'm just interested in exploring this tension that seems to affect a lot of infjs. first step seems to be to gather some empirical information and see if any infjs attained the kind of super-emo-charged relationship they envisioned when young. and then listen to people who have since learned other things work better for them, or who have allowed an initial phase to mature w/o burning itself out.

    the more i read about socionics type relations, the more i like it. the only thing i would say is that the descriptions seem really pessimistic and negatively focused, when behaviors don't have to always turn out in such a negative way.

    for infjs, entp are illusionary/kindred (can be lazy and too easy), enfps are contrary and extinguishment (huge challenge and same weaknesses), intj is comparative and mirage (easy at first but can become stagnant), estp is dual (natural opposites that can balance each other), istp is activity partner (easy to be together and do things), isfp is benefactor, intp is beneficiary, istj is superego (mutual respect), and infp is quasi identical (tug of war).

    i think i also want to point out that i think emotional currency, recognition, and inspiration can all feel like they're one thing, but in fact are different aspects that different people give us better and worse. i think recognition is the most important of all for infj.

    i think the differences between sx, so, and sp infjs also makes a world of difference in how those find balance with others. sx/so and so/sx people find /sp grounding. sp people find so easy-going. i find sx to be more selfish than so much of the time. what sx wants, sx gets kind of attitude. for long-term success it seems like balancing these energies in addition to egos makes just as much of a difference.

    as an e5, for instance, i actually find constant emotional experience completely exhausting. yet some how part of me still thinks i want it, even tho i know i don't and in fact avoid it much of the time.

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