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  1. #1
    in-game Gamine's Avatar
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    Default Freaking NFJs... How do I know you mean it?!

    Dear NFJs,

    I've been fascinated by you for a while now and find myself in full fledged social lives involving you! Where we talk and stuff! I think you are all grand, and I like the influx of NFJ in my life, but with all the squishiness and safety and emotional hooplah you bring, how do I know you mean it? How do I know that you are being genuine? That I'm not just another person you want to crack open, fix and leave only to find a greater emotional idiot who needs your brand of help?

    I like it, I want to keep it. Like being domesticated, but in a way I don't completely resent. In a way I might one day maybe perhaps admit that I enjoy. Maybe.

    How do I know?
    "Beware Those Who Are ALWAYS READING BOOKS" - Bukowski

  2. #2
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    If you start hearing negative stuff from us, particularly about yourself, you'll know you're in. It's not usually worth having conflict/jeopardizing the relationship unless we really care and it is going to have a long term impact on us both.

    EDIT: [The only exception to that is if we have to work with you/have some ongoing interaction with you that requires getting things figured out enough that we can deal with each other with a minimum of frustration, then you'll hear what you need to.]

    It should be noted though that the nut-cracking is always genuine, not just done out of distant, scientific curiosity. I think we have just as genuine a wish to be understood as we do to figure out others and how they tick. Very few people tend to bother to delve very far and ask questions.
    Last edited by fidelia; 05-13-2010 at 11:17 PM.

  3. #3
    Glycerine
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    ^ I agree with Fidelia. When the NFJ becomes really blunt with you, you're in. For example, they will start calling your bluff and will let you in on their critical thoughts.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Phoenix_400's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gamine View Post
    Dear NFJs,

    I've been fascinated by you for a while now and find myself in full fledged social lives involving you! Where we talk and stuff! I think you are all grand, and I like the influx of NFJ in my life, but with all the squishiness and safety and emotional hooplah you bring, how do I know you mean it? How do I know that you are being genuine? That I'm not just another person you want to crack open, fix and leave only to find a greater emotional idiot who needs your brand of help?

    I like it, I want to keep it. Like being domesticated, but in a way I don't completely resent. In a way I might one day maybe perhaps admit that I enjoy. Maybe.

    How do I know?
    hmmmm
    Don't give in too quick. Make 'em work to crack ya. Not unreasonably or anything, just enough to know they consider you worth the effort.

    Be self-sufficient. Don't count on them to fix your problems. If they hang around when you're doing well, it probably means something. If they're nowhere to be found unless you're in a crisis, consider yourself 'just a project'. Then its time to move on.

    Granted, you're always gonna spend more time around someone you care about when they're in a hurt, but there's a balance. Watch the scales.

    *shrug* That's about the best I got. No promises on any of it bein' right, though.

    EDIT:
    Can't entirely agree with the 'being blunt' thing in the above posts. Couple of types I've known in RL don't pull their punches for very long with anybody. I can say you're starting to mean something when THEY start talking to YOU about THEIR problems. Buggers are good at keepin' the spotlight off themselves with that kinda thing. Took me a while to catch on to that.
    "People in glass houses shouldn't use Windex when living near bird sanctuaries."- myself

    "We are never alone my friend. We are constantly in the company of victories, losses, strengths and weaknesses. Make no mistake, life is war...and war is hell. Those who fight the hardest will suffer the most...but that's what you have to do: Fight. As long as you're feeling pain, then there's hope...because only the dead do not suffer." -RD Metcalf
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  5. #5
    Glycerine
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    GAIN HER TRUST.... that's key. NFJs tend to be very guarded and calculated with relationships.

  6. #6
    Badoom~ Skyward's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pitseleh View Post
    GAIN HER TRUST.... that's key. NFJs tend to be very guarded and calculated with relationships.
    +1
    'Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and its better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.' - Marilyn Monroe

    This is who I am, escapist, paradise-seeker.
    -Nightwish

    Anthropology Major out of Hamline University. St. Paul, Minnesota.

  7. #7
    Kraken down on piracy Lux's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    It should be noted though that the nut-cracking is always genuine, not just done out of distant, scientific curiosity. I think we have just as genuine a wish to be understood as we do to figure out others and how they tick. Very few people tend to bother to delve very far and ask questions.
    ^ This is good, and the bolded is particularly true. I don't get to know people I don't have a genuine interest in.

    Also, not all NFJ's want to 'fix' someone and move on to someone else to be 'fixed.' I don't. I love helping people, and if my friends get something like that out of the relationship, then that's great, but I don't have a secret repair shop agenda; nor do I collect.
    "It is not length of life, but depth of life." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

    "Thought breeds thought." ~ Henry David Thoreau

  8. #8
    Cat Wench ReadingRainbows's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gamine View Post
    Dear NFJs,

    I've been fascinated by you for a while now and find myself in full fledged social lives involving you! Where we talk and stuff! I think you are all grand, and I like the influx of NFJ in my life, but with all the squishiness and safety and emotional hooplah you bring, how do I know you mean it? How do I know that you are being genuine? That I'm not just another person you want to crack open, fix and leave only to find a greater emotional idiot who needs your brand of help?

    I like it, I want to keep it. Like being domesticated, but in a way I don't completely resent. In a way I might one day maybe perhaps admit that I enjoy. Maybe.

    How do I know?
    Bite them and infect with NTP germs. duh.
    Quote Originally Posted by EffEmDoubleyou View Post
    St. Stephen took rocks and St. Sebastian took arrows. You only have to take some jerks on an internet forum. Nut up.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Lightyear's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gamine View Post
    Dear NFJs,

    I think you are all grand, and I like the influx of NFJ in my life, but with all the squishiness and safety and emotional hooplah you bring, how do I know you mean it? How do I know that you are being genuine? That I'm not just another person you want to crack open, fix and leave only to find a greater emotional idiot who needs your brand of help?
    How can I put it... The fact that I as an INFJ try to crack you open and fix you means that I care about you, just trying to fix any random person would be far too emotionally exhausting for me. ENFJs might be different in this regard though.

  10. #10
    Peaced Quay's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gamine View Post
    Dear NFJs,

    I've been fascinated by you for a while now and find myself in full fledged social lives involving you! Where we talk and stuff! I think you are all grand, and I like the influx of NFJ in my life, but with all the squishiness and safety and emotional hooplah you bring, how do I know you mean it? How do I know that you are being genuine? That I'm not just another person you want to crack open, fix and leave only to find a greater emotional idiot who needs your brand of help?

    I like it, I want to keep it. Like being domesticated, but in a way I don't completely resent. In a way I might one day maybe perhaps admit that I enjoy. Maybe.

    How do I know?
    Few things are done out of the sake of just doing them....

    Like others said, it seems we only get close to those we have a genuine interest in. Take it as a compliment. I prefer not to be bothered with most people, and mostly because of the energy folks give out, like they have alterior motives. Natural repellant for me.

    I absolutely do not seek out random people with problems so I can fix them. tee hee. I'm just drawn to certain people and I trust the instinct. Fixing a person is not the goal (maybe subconsciously idaknow), but if talking with someone helps the person discover more about self, makes that person happier, then it's a plus.

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