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  1. #61

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    Quote Originally Posted by brainheart View Post
    @Lyedecker, interesting. I think it's the opposite for INFPs. When an INFP shows you her heart, you're in.
    I think this is also true for other Fi types. ENFP and ISFP jump to mind.

  2. #62

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    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    once I pick up on cues that someone systematically doesn't really get a meaning in the way that I intended to communicate it- my ability to talk shuts down a little bit around them. It's not a choice I make, it's something that happens on its own.
    Me too.

  3. #63
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2015
    MBTI
    INFJ
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gamine View Post
    So, if I'm a person you talk to when stuff is going on in your life (good, bad, messy, random) I'm "in"?
    Yes, insofar as you're less 'out' than before. It's not as cut-and-dried as in or out, though. It's not as though once someone is 'in' the door then disappears, or that it's just one door that leads to just one room. There's a lot of compartmentalising of people in different categories for XNFJs (or maybe it's INFJs), so if you look at it that way, indeed, you could be 'in' a room and in all the way with door closed behind you, but it could very well be one room of many and you don't have access to any other room but the one you're in. I'd even go so far as to say that no two rooms would ever connect. The only other being I could imagine being granted free reign and access to all parts of this Borgesian structure would be the XNFJs companion animal(s).

    I agree with the poster who advised: Just be yourself. It ultimately boils down to compatibility, which cannot be controlled. If there's genuine compatibility, there will be mutuality. Mutuality is so underrated and rarely spoken of, but long-term, well-timed, growth-fostering mutuality seems to be quite rare. I consider this particular kind of mutuality to be a kismetic event. It almost seems like it's 'earned'. Perhaps one even works up gradually, through time and experience, meeting and unmeeting various people; we're all 'helping' each other to fine-tune and get well-rounded, to be 'a little smoother on this side' so as to slide through 'to there', and so on until whatever.

    My point being, if you were to ask an XNFJ, "Am I in?" (not advised), do not be alarmed if they explicate your question or simply not answer it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    I'm not sure I know how to explain, but I think that's what 'being blunt' actually is. When we aren't worried about infinite possible consequences of the presentation of our thoughts-that's when things come out unfiltered. But if we've picked up a tendency with someone to not really get our meaning and we can't quite figure out how to effectively convey that meaning- at least for me, it's like some part of my brain puts a gag order on my mouth and won't let me say anything until I've come up with some possible solution to the problem (and eventually, with some people, I just give up because 'getting through' to them is just too difficult).

    I think this is actually why INFJs slowly back away from people and disappear, rather than saying "this is what you're doing that's bothering me." This thread was tremendously helpful to me- as were some other threads around here at the time (closer to when I joined). It helped me realize that there isn't something wrong with me for being this way, that it's just the way I'm wired and it's okay. Because seriously, once I pick up on cues that someone systematically doesn't really get a meaning in the way that I intended to communicate it- my ability to talk shuts down a little bit around them. It's not a choice I make, it's something that happens on its own.
    YES. Not only is this exhausting, but it's also incredibly demoralising. It makes complete sense that you shut down, because trying to get through to someone who doesn't get it & won't get it is equivalent to slamming your body into a brick wall; it's a defense against further injury and damage. Shutting down is a survival mechanism.

    Also, thank you so much for linking to this thread in another thread.
    Likes Z Buck McFate liked this post

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