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  1. #51
    Diving into Ni-space Crescent Fresh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post

    So as it pertains to the op: I only bounce the goofy/paranoid/nonsensical stuff off of people I trust to not take it the wrong way or blow it out of proportion. I also agree with what fidelia & others said about sharing critical thoughts being an indication that someone is ‘in’; we don’t invite conflict with someone unless we can trust they won’t overreact.
    I can certainly relate to this, totally. The problem that I have is, it's often this open-invitation of sharing my most critical thoughts that seem to offend people. I see my inner-thoughts as a voice of honesty, but some (even the most trusted ones) seem to deny this by transcending my message as an ill-formed of negative judgements.

    So for me, it's a lose-lose situation. And thus I've set a rule for myself that I won't be sharing any of them unless a trusted one opened up their critical thoughts. And then I'll work on with my Ti to see if it's worth for me to contribute my own.

    This seems to work well after I've applied them on my close-knitted interactions with my loved ones.
    Johari vs. Nohari
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  2. #52
    climb on Showbread's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    If you start hearing negative stuff from us, particularly about yourself, you'll know you're in. It's not usually worth having conflict/jeopardizing the relationship unless we really care and it is going to have a long term impact on us both.

    EDIT: [The only exception to that is if we have to work with you/have some ongoing interaction with you that requires getting things figured out enough that we can deal with each other with a minimum of frustration, then you'll hear what you need to.]

    It should be noted though that the nut-cracking is always genuine, not just done out of distant, scientific curiosity. I think we have just as genuine a wish to be understood as we do to figure out others and how they tick. Very few people tend to bother to delve very far and ask questions.
    I know this is an old post, but, the thread got bumped so here's my two cents....

    I really resonate with everything she said. The "nut cracking" is most definitely genuine. I know when I exert the time and emotional effort to play the games required to ear trust I am in it for the long haul. Both of my NT friends are extremely guarded and earning their trust required a lot of patience. But, it has been so worth it.
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  3. #53
    Honeyed Water thoughtlost's Avatar
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    ...I don't know.

    There is no one who is truly "my friend," someone who I regard higher than anyone else in terms of relationship standing. But I guess you're 'somewhere' if I start to be mean to you and start turning you down if you ask me to hang out with you and start being snarky towards you. Whether or not that's a good thing ...I have no idea. I am just basing this off of what happened a day ago when I spent hours with a semi-friend (someone who doesn't mind hanging around me, but I don't feel comfortable around them). I was being my goofy yet friendly self until my "other (she likes to play with me and do things that annoy me... so I consider her a "friend")" friend walked in. My semi-friend was kind of shocked (but mainly entertained) by how much my demeanor changed from being childish and pleasant to being grumpy and derogatory =P

  4. #54
    The Dark Lord The Wailing Specter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    If you start hearing negative stuff from us, particularly about yourself, you'll know you're in. It's not usually worth having conflict/jeopardizing the relationship unless we really care and it is going to have a long term impact on us both.

    EDIT: [The only exception to that is if we have to work with you/have some ongoing interaction with you that requires getting things figured out enough that we can deal with each other with a minimum of frustration, then you'll hear what you need to.]

    It should be noted though that the nut-cracking is always genuine, not just done out of distant, scientific curiosity. I think we have just as genuine a wish to be understood as we do to figure out others and how they tick. Very few people tend to bother to delve very far and ask questions.
    I keep reading you INFJ posts, and I keep feeling like you are like me...
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  5. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by Glycerine View Post
    ^ I agree with Fidelia. When the NFJ becomes really blunt with you, you're in. For example, they will start calling your bluff and will let you in on their critical thoughts.
    this^

  6. #56
    brainheart
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    @Lyedecker, interesting. I think it's the opposite for INFPs. When an INFP shows you her heart, you're in.

  7. #57
    can't handcuff the wind Z Buck McFate's Avatar
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    I'm not sure I know how to explain, but I think that's what 'being blunt' actually is. When we aren't worried about infinite possible consequences of the presentation of our thoughts-that's when things come out unfiltered. But if we've picked up a tendency with someone to not really get our meaning and we can't quite figure out how to effectively convey that meaning- at least for me, it's like some part of my brain puts a gag order on my mouth and won't let me say anything until I've come up with some possible solution to the problem (and eventually, with some people, I just give up because 'getting through' to them is just too difficult).

    I think this is actually why INFJs slowly back away from people and disappear, rather than saying "this is what you're doing that's bothering me." This thread was tremendously helpful to me- as were some other threads around here at the time (closer to when I joined). It helped me realize that there isn't something wrong with me for being this way, that it's just the way I'm wired and it's okay. Because seriously, once I pick up on cues that someone systematically doesn't really get a meaning in the way that I intended to communicate it- my ability to talk shuts down a little bit around them. It's not a choice I make, it's something that happens on its own.
    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

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  8. #58
    Member CatBalou's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    I'm not sure I know how to explain, but I think that's what 'being blunt' actually is. When we aren't worried about infinite possible consequences of the presentation of our thoughts-that's when things come out unfiltered.
    This.

  9. #59
    can't handcuff the wind Z Buck McFate's Avatar
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    [To clarify my above post:] When I say "that's what 'being blunt' actually is"- it was in response to the phrase "shows you her heart". It's not that I think we're "showing our hearts" when we're being blunt, it's more like.....I don't really see how it's possible to 'show someone my heart'. I sorta just am who I am around people, I'm already sorta 'showing my heart'- it's just that not many people can see it, and I either get the impression in dealing with individuals that they 'get' me or they don't. And where they don't see it, where their responses somehow indicate something is 'off' in how they're hearing what I'm saying- it simply feels like an incompatibility (not a negative judgment, but more like two jigsaw pieces that might belong in the same bigger picture but clearly don't belong right next to each other).

    When I'm blunt with someone, and share my thoughts off the cuff- it's because I trust they can already see 'my heart'.
    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

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  10. #60
    Glycerine
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    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    I'm not sure I know how to explain, but I think that's what 'being blunt' actually is. When we aren't worried about infinite possible consequences of the presentation of our thoughts-that's when things come out unfiltered. But if we've picked up a tendency with someone to not really get our meaning and we can't quite figure out how to effectively convey that meaning- at least for me, it's like some part of my brain puts a gag order on my mouth and won't let me say anything until I've come up with some possible solution to the problem (and eventually, with some people, I just give up because 'getting through' to them is just too difficult).

    I think this is actually why INFJs slowly back away from people and disappear, rather than saying "this is what you're doing that's bothering me." This thread was tremendously helpful to me- as were some other threads around here at the time (closer to when I joined). It helped me realize that there isn't something wrong with me for being this way, that it's just the way I'm wired and it's okay. Because seriously, once I pick up on cues that someone systematically doesn't really get a meaning in the way that I intended to communicate it- my ability to talk shuts down a little bit around them. It's not a choice I make, it's something that happens on its own.
    Yes. I meant blunt as a honest, straight-forward presentation of my thoughts and feelings with no real sugar-coating.

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