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  1. #11
    Nickle Iron Silicone Charmed Justice's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Quay View Post
    I absolutely do not seek out random people with problems so I can fix them. tee hee. I'm just drawn to certain people and I trust the instinct. Fixing a person is not the goal (maybe subconsciously idaknow), but if talking with someone helps the person discover more about self, makes that person happier, then it's a plus.
    +1
    There is a thinking stuff from which all things are made, and which, in its original state, permeates, penetrates, and fills the interspaces of the universe.

  2. #12
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    I do hold myself back with people to some degree, even when befriending them. What determines the dynamic of the relationship, to me, is whether a person can give as well as take in the same currency, so to speak. If I listen to your problems and allow you to vent, affirming you and validating your feelings but when I have something going on, you give me a pat answer or tell me why I'm wrong to feel that way or offer me solutions like I'm an idiot, I might still be your friend, but you won't necessarily be mine.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers
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  3. #13
    Peaced Quay's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    If I listen to your problems and allow you to vent, affirming you and validating your feelings but when I have something going on, you give me a pat answer or tell me why I'm wrong to feel that way or offer me solutions like I'm an idiot, I might still be your friend, but you won't necessarily be mine.
    This too....

  4. #14
    Kraken down on piracy Lux's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    If I listen to your problems and allow you to vent, affirming you and validating your feelings but when I have something going on, you give me a pat answer or tell me why I'm wrong to feel that way or offer me solutions like I'm an idiot, I might still be your friend, but you won't necessarily be mine.
    +2
    Well written.
    "It is not length of life, but depth of life." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

    "Thought breeds thought." ~ Henry David Thoreau

  5. #15
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I agree with cafe - or even if I still consider you my friend, I will wall off most of the parts of me that really matter, because they are not valued or treated with the same respect I would have for yours.
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  6. #16
    Circus Maximus Sarcasticus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    I do hold myself back with people to some degree, even when befriending them. What determines the dynamic of the relationship, to me, is whether a person can give as well as take in the same currency, so to speak. If I listen to your problems and allow you to vent, affirming you and validating your feelings but when I have something going on, you give me a pat answer or tell me why I'm wrong to feel that way or offer me solutions like I'm an idiot, I might still be your friend, but you won't necessarily be mine.
    ^ Believe it.

  7. #17
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    this might sound cold but i don't hang out with people unless they have something to offer me. i like feeling loose and more open at times socially, and when there's someone who needs the kind of help i can provide i'll usually provide it--but my friends are the people who help me become a better person and who improve my life.

    it's rarely one-sided by any means. but if i don't feel like it is strengthening me in some way, or that i am really enjoying myself, or that my interests are as relevant as the interests of the other person, i'm not gonna call. my best friends are those who can recognize me to the core or those who can teach me about the world. almost exclusively nps.

    i'd like some more injs in my life.

  8. #18
    in-game Gamine's Avatar
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    So, if I'm a person you talk to when stuff is going on in your life (good, bad, messy, random) I'm "in"?
    "Beware Those Who Are ALWAYS READING BOOKS" - Bukowski

  9. #19
    Glycerine
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    I guess so... just as long as it's not all superficial.

  10. #20
    Phantonym
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gamine View Post
    So, if I'm a person you talk to when stuff is going on in your life (good, bad, messy, random) I'm "in"?
    It's at least a sign that they're feeling comfortable enough around you to share their lives with you and they trust you. So, you might be moving towards the "in" status.

    Quote Originally Posted by Pitseleh View Post
    I guess so... just as long as it's not all superficial.
    Agreed. A distinction has to be made whether the information that is shared is something more deeper and personal or it's only "small talk".

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