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[INFP] INFP: how can you start being decisive & not putting-off your life?

niki

New member
Joined
Sep 16, 2007
Messages
210
MBTI Type
INFP
*warning:
it's going to be a serious sharing from me, which I need a kind advices/opinions from fellow INFPs here*

so here it goes:

My dad last night just argued heavily with me, and quite frustrated with how I've become with my life.. of how very dissapointed & crushed he is to see my current state, ie: I still haven't succesfully 'become' or DO anything.

I will turn 28 this august (and how I hate growing older with passion, how I often wish I could turn back time, go back to my childhood, and this time started doing things more differently into what *I* like, not what others told me!..).
I'm still 'working' in a family-business now as my day job, and the reason I said 'working',...is because my dad (& everybody else in the family-business, ie: cousin, uncle) already know that I have zero passion/heart in there, and hence, after all these 7 years I'm here (yes,..that long! it's all because of my 'soft' INFP nature, and my indecisiveness, which I'll explain in frustration below), I don't do, or become anything!
I also seem to dislike any 'corporate' job suggestion that my dad used to offer me.

meanwhile,..I always, always love music with all my heart, in fact, Music is very inseparable with me, I myself am a musician/songwriter/composer.
ever since I returned back here to my home-country (ie: Indonesia) 7 yrs ago (in year 2003), I've been forming, and also got involved in few bands , but unfortunately, except the last one, it's all just a combination of lack of seriousness, lack of commitment, experiences & "industry" knowledge (yes...music is, sadly, heavily related with the word 'industry' & 'business' :/ )
,basically just "playing around" without what I'm (we're) doing.

the last one (around two years ago) was a serious one, but unfortunately, we clashed, due to differences in skills (ie: I'm the main songwriter, and also an arranger, and I'm perfectionistic in nature, so often, other members have a 'difficult' time with me) , and also attitude/personality (the vocalist (female) is quite a temperamental & easily-angry person, and there's some "elitism" and "favoritism" in the group, which became unhealthy).

But long story short, basically now I want to start again, the path of being a true "professional" musician/songwriter/composer.
but my dad always stressed me to STOP PLAYING AROUND, and get a REAL job.
and being an 'understanding' eldest son of him,..I can somewhat understand that he actually meant well, ie: he basically want to see me have good (or 'BIG') enough money to be able to finance myself, my living, and later when I have a family, house, car, etc, and also,..as a part of usual Chinese (asian) culture, to be able to support him (& my mom) in their old days.

.
I am heavily stressed now,..because of several facts:
1. My dad is getting older, he's going to turn 60 in few years
2. his business & financial condition of the family is not going very well in these recent years (compared to those 'happy' past 10, 15 years ago).
it's very very frustrating to see this, but it's a Reality.
2. thus, he seems to start putting more responsibilities on me, as his eldest son (which so far has been nothing but big dissapointment to him,..he said that himself...it break my heart so much,..but it's also a fact)

and,

3. which is the main topic of this thread:
being an INFP myself, I've now realized that I've basically spent my 7 years being "too laid-back" about these kind of serious things, even admitedly, I've been 'escaping' too much to run from the pains of Reality, ie: I often hide & sleep in my office/factory, browsing Internet endlessly, watching anime & playing video-games, communicating with online & Youtube friends, etc etc .

but only last night,..after some serious frustrated anger from him,
I've started to realize, and got 'hard-slapped' on my face by REALITY,
...........that I'm such a 'loser' , I've become or done NOTHING proudful to my dad,..that I am a very spoiled young 'adult' ,
that's been living life too laid-back (I've started to feel that all my "niceness" & "warmness" that many people seem to acknowledge & appreciate to become an USELESS thing, in this HARD COLD REALISTIC WORLD!).

sorry,.....I've suddenly vented.

I don't know what else to say..
worse, I even don't know what is the RIGHT thing to do, to please & make my dad (parents) happy, and I even don't know - being a "weird" INFP who seem to have a world-apart differences in terms of perspective, hope, and ambitions with my dad - if I'll ever make him happy/proud of my 'uniqueness' !
I feel worthless, an indecisive nobody at this point! :(


my point is:
all these "I am indecisive by nature because I'm an INFP" only might seems 'cute' when we're still like in our early teens, up 'till 23, 24 yrs old.
but once you're turning 25, or hell, about to turn 30 in few years (like me),
all those 'rosy, colorful' world that I've always seen, felt, & also shared,
ALL seems to start crumbling down, in the hard face of Reality, that it's all about Money & being smart at it! ...such a 'cold' world, I've felt.. but it's a reality.
"don't be damn naive like a little kid", my dad often told me that,...and I guess he's right.


Main question:
Fellow INFPs, reading my story above, and also according to your OWN experiences now, have you succesfully dealt with your indecisiveness, "putting-off life" nature of yours?
(because we all know, that EVERY kind of job needs a true, SOLID consistent efforts, instead of sporadic huge interests only in the beginning!)

how did/have you handled that?

and how to stop "putting off lives",
and to start getting serious in Life,
especially,..if it's going to be following your passion, which probably "out of mainstream", and don't pay much money (to make a living, and to eat??)

how did you handled all of this,
and how can you become something proudful to your parents??....

or,.....is it actually quite a near-impossible thing to achieve,
as an INFPs ?
will it always forever be our 'fate/destiny'
to run 'scattered', and forever wondering in our life, about the "unfairness" of Life, and on "what should I be doing in this 'Realistic' world??", and "what I'm going to do is going to be a very few, or less travelled path?"


Please help..
'cuz this indecisiveness and 'escaping reality' nature has started to crush me real bad,..and I need to 'wake up' and DO something really really quick! (since I'm going to be 28,...no more "playing around",..as much as I want it).

I want to stop putting-off my life,
and hopefully, choosing the rightest path,
...and 'become' somebody...

thank you.
would love to hear your opinions/advices!
 

niki

New member
Joined
Sep 16, 2007
Messages
210
MBTI Type
INFP
oh, a bit more background:
I graduated in 2002 with Bachelor Degree in Business Finance & Management, which -I hate to say this- seems to be one of the biggest mistake in my life too, ie: back then, being a naive understanding-very-little 17-yr-old kid, I listened to what my dad & uncle wanted,..instead of myself.
now, the Degree is somewhat becoming 'obsolete', because I don't do anything with it, since even though I graduated with quite high GPA, yet I have ZERO passion/interest in it (ie: in finance, stock, all 'corporate & business' things).

ever since I graduated in 2002, I basically just came back straight-away to my home-country, and 'followed' my dad, and straight-away entered the family-business.

I hate myself,
because even though I've soon knew that I disliked, even hated working there,
yet, being indecisive and lack serious follow-through,
I just let time pass by, without doing any FIRM, SOLID things to 'break-away' from it!
and as a result, here I am, 7 yrs later, still 'stuck' in the family-business, although now I've only become worse, only browsed Internet endlessly, and got sucked/addicted with it,...'cuz I've always been 'escaping' , never dare to face the hard, 'cold' Reality!
meanwhile, my main Passion/interest, which is in Music (& actually, to travel, live simple life while perhaps teaching, & meet new people & new culture! basically, complete FREEDOM, and no B.S like "strings attached", or "tied to an X company for my lifetime"),
unfortunately, still haven't take-off yet,...and maybe that's why my dad kept telling me to "stop PLAYING around, and start get some REAL job with some serious big $$$$$$".

I hate myself too,
because those things that I always said that I'm 'very passionate', or even 'my blood',
now I'm starting to doubt ALL of 'em, ie: whether it's "realistic" enough in this REAL realistic world, and whether it would give me a GOOD living, or....I'll be dead wrong, and hence, REGRETTING my choices??
and as a result, I even procrastinated a hell lot in my passion,
and started losing a LOT of 'opportunities' ...
I started to 'escape' even more by frantically browsing, and asking for answers, or consolements from Internet/Youtube etc, etc
while the REALITY IS STILL THERE : I become a nobody, I don't do anything in my family-business, while my Music career is still stuck, no matter how 'good' is my plans! :(

it's all going down...
and I *know* that I should quickly "wake-up", and DO something about this, 'cuz it's not "cute" anymore saying "ohh hi I am an INFP, and my nature is that I Never Finish Projects..." or something like that!

problem is: I'm damn scared,
that I just don't know what to do with my Life,
or if EVERYTHING's perhaps already too LATE,
and I better "change my mindset" (as my dad strongly advised me last night) ,
and start viewing MONEY as very important, and even MOST important in Life,
and start getting serious finding & working in REAL job!

has anyone here (especially NFPs) ever experienced similar dilemma / life-career problem like me?
please do share.. I'm in desperate need of opinions, advices, sharings, anything!

thanks.
 

runvardh

にゃん
Joined
Jun 23, 2007
Messages
8,541
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6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I'm a year behind you and have had a "real job" for the last 3 years. It's not what it's chalked up to be and if it were not for my technical abilities I wouldn't have been there long. I work to support the life I want, not live to support the work which is a concept of life balance (or attempted) instead of a life of extremes. That said, I'm working now to kill off my debt and go back to school for something I want more. It will be trouble as time goes on, but if I don't do it soon I'll never get around to it and end up more frustrated than I am now.

You want to talk about being the eldest? I'm currently helping my two brothers out hoping to get them both on their feet rather than dependant on family that will be dying soon or friends who are never there for them. And yet, as much of a space cadet as I am, I've already had some family thanking me for it.

I say if you father sees himself as Mr. Responsible he should damn well have something saved up to live on rather than dropping himself on your shoulders as soon as you make over 40k (which I haven't crossed into yet). I say you've been wasting your time working for the family company and need to get out to get yourself straight. Do something somewhere where he can't yell at you that makes you money and helps you get on YOUR feet, not someone else's.

Your response will be that I don't understand. No, not the details, but I have a half asian father to whom nothing was good enough until I surpassed him by going to college and graduating from it. These days I shame him with resources he doesn't have access to.
 

Rebe

New member
Joined
Nov 15, 2009
Messages
1,431
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4sop
1. Your helplessness is not connected to your type. There is no such thing as fate/destiny. INFPs are not destined to be failures, although they are equipped with certain traits that drifts from the mainstream reality, procrastination, dreaminess, creative impulses. These are the traits that you need to learn how to control when they are in the way. There is no going back and starting over again, so focus on the present and the future.

2. I am 21 so I am not as far along as you. My parents are Asian and they completely disagree with my future plans, wants me to stay by them, and me to have a safe, office job. But that'd be the death of me, so I have been refusing. Forget about your father putting guilt and pressure on you, focus on yourself and realistic options. This is what I'd say to myself in the future if I am in the same situation, or even to myself now. My mind is always focused on the future, on my career, however idealistic.

3. Unfortunately, it is not a good idea to rely financial means on creative passion. Not that you should give up on music, never give up on music, but you do need a back-up since you are not in your early twenties and the realistic fact is that your father needs you. Do you have any other passions?

meanwhile,..I always, always love music with all my heart, in fact, Music is very inseparable with me, I myself am a musician/songwriter/composer.
ever since I returned back here to my home-country (ie: Indonesia) 7 yrs ago (in year 2003), I've been forming, and also got involved in few bands , but unfortunately, except the last one, it's all just a combination of lack of seriousness, lack of commitment, experiences & "industry" knowledge (yes...music is, sadly, heavily related with the word 'industry' & 'business' :/ )
,basically just "playing around" without what I'm (we're) doing.

But long story short, basically now I want to start again, the path of being a true "professional" musician/songwriter/composer. but my dad always stressed me to STOP PLAYING AROUND, and get a REAL job.

4. Leave the family business and choose a job/career sector, something that you won't hate, but don't expect it to be something that you absolutely love. It seems you will have to start at the bottom of some job and work your way up. Make a list of options and go through them. I don't see any option for you but getting a job outside of the struggling family business, it doesn't have to be a corporate job, right? Could be something more laid-back. Perhaps save money until you can go back to school and get another degree? And then, get a more fulfilling job? Yes, infps have a hard time sticking with something before it pays off in some form. But, I don't see any other options for you. I hope older infps have some more advice, but this is how I see it.

You have passion for music and you will always have it, but money is a different thing and since things are the way they are, you have to get a job to sustain you and you can play music during your free time.

Don't let your father's words and guilt overwhelm you. Think thoroughly about what you could do, what you are willing to do until music becomes a paying job for you.

:hug:
 

BRMC117

is an ambi-turner
Joined
Jan 21, 2010
Messages
781
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
3w2
I am 22 years old, and I had something like that. I was going to school for forensic toxicology, and I hated it. but I stuck with it. but while I was doing that I was and still do firefighting, and LOVE IT! I noticed that while I was at school I hated life but when I was at the station I loved it...I am now a full time firefighter, and going back to school to be a park ranger. and I am so happy. You have to find what you love and run with it. Find a job that you love and you will never work a day in your life
 

infpBlog

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Joined
Feb 24, 2010
Messages
11
MBTI Type
INFP
I'm 40. I'm currently working as a computer programmer which I'll be doing for another few years while I gain skill and experience to transition to my next career.

I've always gone from interest to interest in my personal life. I knew it wasn't going to be any different with my professional life. At 19, I started doing customers service, but I was learning office skills. Then with the office skills, I became an admin assistant. While I was working as an admin assistant, I started learning web design. It took four years, but I built a portfolio and got a job as a web designer when I was 29. As soon as a I got a job as web designer, I started learning programming. That took 4 years and as soon as I got a job programming, I started learning skills for my next profession. This is how I am. I've accepted that I will eventually lose interest in whatever I'm doing and will need to move on. What I've done found a way to work with that part of my personality.

My recommendation for you is to start with the basics. Figure out your values and then go on from there. If you don't know where to start, I'd recommend any of the motivational tapes by Brian Tracy. You can re-invent the wheel or you can do what someone else has done and get the results that they've gotten.

You're not going to fix all your problems in a day or even a year. The best you can do is start with the basics of improving you (mitigating your avoidance behavior, working on your self-confidence). Career can wait even if you're dad can't.
 

nolla

Senor Membrane
Joined
May 22, 2008
Messages
3,166
MBTI Type
INFP
Sounds like a very difficult situation... I'm 28 too, and had a similar confrontation with my dad a year ago. I felt like everything I've done was "wrong" from his perspective. First I was shocked, then I thought about it for a day and just couldn't agree with anything about it (though, I did understand it as I know where he is coming from), I called back and told that I have no interest seeing him again if everything I do/am will be criticized. That did the trick. I haven't heard much criticism after that. On the other hand I guess I have succeeded in some things after that so that he might think that my way can actually work too...

But, my situation is very different from yours. I wouldn't exactly tell you that this is what you should do. Here it isn't customary to financially take care of your parents and he doesn't need to support me either anymore, so it was only about my father wanting to be proud about me.

I do have the same problem you have. I am unwilling to sell my time for people if they don't provide a good work atmosphere and a job that I want to do. I see this is unrealistic, and I know I should start doing something for my future, but it seems like it is too big a sacrifice to "start working and stop living".
 

CrystalViolet

lab rat extraordinaire
Joined
Oct 24, 2008
Messages
2,152
MBTI Type
XNFP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I've been rolling around a few thoughts in my head about this. It's not INFP thang, but it does take some of us longer to get our act together.
I'm 32, and currently going through bankruptcy for attempting to create the dream bussiness. Do I regret? Hell, no. For six months, I was free. Would I do it again? Probably not, and I'd plan better next time. I'm a little deflated at losing everything, I built up, but you know what I gave it a shot. How many other people can say that? In the process, I did a whole heap of soul searching, faced fears, my whole world has been rearranged, including one lost relationship. Are my family proud? Hell No. I'm an embarrassment, because I'm not married, I don't have kids, I don't own a house, and I have no excuse.
I look at my life though, and think at least I haven't been living it for some one else. I've done a few things, explored countries, have a few wicked stories to tell over drinkies, and I'm not a boring person, plus I had time to put a few things in perspective.
I'm gonna stay put for a bit, and build my self back up financially....maybe finally study some thing I want to do, rather than was expected to do.
However, There is a point to this ramble. I don't come from an Asian background, but there were certain expectations placed on me too, being the oldest, and the only daughter. I have greatly disappointed, especially in regards to the production of grand children, but you really can't live your life to other peoples expectations. Technically, I have a good career, but I hate it (not this job, I like the people). Mother's choice. Not mine. Some people are late bloomers seriously. I battle daily with having to reach certain rites of passage by a certain age, but that path is just not for some people. Once you find some thing you love, you'll pull a rabbit out of your hat, but maybe you have to leave the family business, to do it.
 

file cabinet

New member
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
411
I'm 40. I'm currently working as a computer programmer which I'll be doing for another few years while I gain skill and experience to transition to my next career.

I've always gone from interest to interest in my personal life. I knew it wasn't going to be any different with my professional life. At 19, I started doing customers service, but I was learning office skills. Then with the office skills, I became an admin assistant. While I was working as an admin assistant, I started learning web design. It took four years, but I built a portfolio and got a job as a web designer when I was 29. As soon as a I got a job as web designer, I started learning programming. That took 4 years and as soon as I got a job programming, I started learning skills for my next profession. This is how I am. I've accepted that I will eventually lose interest in whatever I'm doing and will need to move on. What I've done found a way to work with that part of my personality.

My recommendation for you is to start with the basics. Figure out your values and then go on from there. If you don't know where to start, I'd recommend any of the motivational tapes by Brian Tracy. You can re-invent the wheel or you can do what someone else has done and get the results that they've gotten.

You're not going to fix all your problems in a day or even a year. The best you can do is start with the basics of improving you (mitigating your avoidance behavior, working on your self-confidence). Career can wait even if you're dad can't.


damn, this is totally me! i finally found an INFP who posted something I can relate to. I've been a web developer the past 5 years and am now working my way out of it.. I'm actually only getting more ambitious in the little things I want to do rather then less. knowing that I don't know what I want to do and that I can choose to do the things that I'm vaguely interested in is...well, great.

niki.. man, every time I read your posts I feel your family is a giant thumb and they're pushing down on you like you're a little bug. you are not a little bug. it seems like you'd be happier if you distanced yourself from your family and did things in the real world. the internet is addictive.. shutting off your computer and the internet is hard but to break free is your choice. there is no right path for you to find but it seems like you are clearly struggling where you are which means that you need to step out of it...get away. find new people.. a new job.. you will need to fight for your own existence and do what you want to do since no one else will do it for you. you are capable of being challenged and overcoming those challenges. sometimes those things that you want to do are those things that you need to do.
 

Thessaly

I drink your milkshake.
Joined
Jun 5, 2009
Messages
1,363
MBTI Type
xNFP
Enneagram
3w4
Just learn how to motivate yourself. Buy some self help books and find people who will push you/mentor you. Create some momentum. Get inspired. You're never a failure if you try. Never.
 

file cabinet

New member
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
411
Just learn how to motivate yourself. Buy some self help books and find people who will push you/mentor you. Create some momentum. Get inspired. You're never a failure if you try. Never.

aha.. yeah, I like this suggestion now... here are some steps:
1. go to a new or used bookstore
2. look at books
3. be overwhelmed by all the books
4. find a book you like

it'll get you out of the house.. help you locate a book that inspires you.. help give you the backbone and thoughts you need to what you want to do.

a lot of the times I found that I knew I wanted to do something but I didn't know what steps it took to get there (mostly because I was afraid of taking that first step)... but it is the first step that leads to the second step, third step and so on. looking at books is a reasonable and safe starting point. infpBlog suggested one author but you may not like that author and that's okay, it's just a starting point.
 

niki

New member
Joined
Sep 16, 2007
Messages
210
MBTI Type
INFP
@infpBlog: if i may know, did you learn all those office skills, web designs, programming through self-learning, or through some private courses, or by help of a friend?
this is what I'm trying to figure out too, to put into my long-term Life's plans to "break-away" from family business.
I do know that I need to start learning things I want, but what I'm always confused is:
- does it need to be learned in university? (another 2-years, or even 4-years in uni sounds cool, but alas, they need a BIG amount of money,...which I'll be confused *where* can I get the money from! :( )
- or perhaps, through private courses?
- or, I can actually learn by myself (self-learning)??....but how? where to start?

@file_cabinet: I like your last sentence: "sometimes those things that you want to do are those things that you need to do" .
maybe I've been exactly running away from the thing that I really NEED to do, because of the pressure from my parents, & pressure for "be realistic/REAL", etc.

you know,..it's funny,
because I see there seems to be a contradiction,
between a description in INFP is passionate in one thing,
and that INFP can't get focused in doing only one thing, as like what infpBlog said above..
or, is it really all depends on each individual INFP? ie: some INFPs do have passion in only one thing, say, in Art, or Music (that almost 80% everyday just think about music!), while some INFPs seem to have 'passion' in several different things..?

and also,
it seems that there's a "major tread" from every INFPs' reply here,
and that is:

1. they usually can't be understood by their "normal" family!
2. the "mature/grown-up" ones seems to be able to somehow shrug off the expectations,
and start finding ways to LIVE on their own,...and they did it, somehow!
3. but still, most are still struggling to stay in one fixed job. or perhaps, like infpBlog said, perhaps that is what INFPs are, and we just need to accept that we're somewhat ADD, and need to change jobs constantly?


but you guys are right: I do really need to break-free,
and start finding my own path, my own people, so I can really breathe free...

although I'm still generally confused by my dad's saying that:
"everybody always want to have fun. but wake up, REALITY is not like that!
you HAVE to work in real jobs, not constantly have fun!"


but I do know that Life is NOT that all bleak & we're just "working-machines" till we drop dead!
there ARE people out there in this world, heck, even in MY developing country here, that seems to truly, really ENJOYING their jobs, and life!
and this is why I *know* it's NOT impossible.
Life doesn't have to be very "pragmatist and also bland/bleak" like my dad seems to teach me....although yes, Money is very important to sustain one's living & perhaps, to a certain degree, level of happiness.

I don't know... what do u guys think though?
 

simulatedworld

Freshman Member
Joined
Nov 7, 2008
Messages
5,552
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w6
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
It's not just INFPs that have this problem. It's pretty common for NPs in general, I think...and some SPs as well.
 

file cabinet

New member
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
411
analyzing everything aids in understanding things but I find the mbti/typology has limits and is only a loose framework to rely on.
a couple years ago I typed up a '10 year plan' .. not something I usually do. I found the 10 year plan recently and I had accomplished something like 75% of it (it ended up being more like a 2 -7 year plan though).

because it is about doing what you want to do, I would consider creating a list of things you want to do in the next 10 years (both unattainable and attainable goals). what would you write? It's not meant to be a detailed or comprehensive list but a reference point... like a high level picture of what it is you really want and therefore need to get to. the second step after looking at everything written down would be to look at the one that is most important and see what you want to do go in that direction.

as for jobs, I see them as a necessary evil.. but that doesn't mean you have to work a job you dislike. find a job that will allow you to support you in what you want to actually do (financially, socially, or otherwise).
 

file cabinet

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Apr 23, 2007
Messages
411
additionally...

my friend and I have a thing we talk about.. we call it: The Default is Yes. If you have seen the film 'Yes Man', you may get the idea. you may find yourself in a position where I have found myself and believed that I can't do something.. I had believed in all these 'automatic-no' ideas.. i had believed that the default was "no" and that limited my thinking and actions. The Default is Yes means that Yes, you can do it.. and if there is a reason you think you can't do something there better be a good reason why not. it's sort of like how a salesman will come to you and he will keep trying to sell you something because he thinks the default is 'yes' and that you want to buy something but if he believed that the default was no then he probably wouldn't be a very good salesman. the world, your parents and life tells you that you should be saying "no" to doing certain things but everyone else in the world doesn't have a problem saying "yes" to things so why not say yes.. give in to what you want to do and say yes, yes, yes rather then denying yourself the ability to meet your inner needs.
 
G

Glycerine

Guest
Whoa, your dad sounds unsupportive. Do YOU feel like you need more direction or are you just trying to please you dad?

From what I have noticed w/ XNFPs is that they need some sort of passion (inspiration) and then they just go for it. Also, sometimes just getting away from it all at least for a few hours can give you a little clarity. Monotony in one's life can become the enemy to putting yourself out there. Like my INFP mother says, "If you want to reach your goals in life, you have to step out of your comfort zone."

EDIT: crap, sorry, I'm not INFP.
 

niki

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Sep 16, 2007
Messages
210
MBTI Type
INFP
Pitseleh: can u explain your question more? what do you mean by "need more direction"?
i'm sorry, English is not my 1st language

but your INFP mother's words made me suddenly think,
that I've probably stayed wayy too long already in my comfort zone,
because being a high risk-avoidant person, I always don't want to hurt anybody, would do ANYthing to avoid causing ruckus or conflicts, and I'm VERY anti-conflict!
and now I've realized,..maybe exactly because of that, that my life, ironically, seems to be soo messed up now! because I never DARE to take chances/risks to be BOLD, whether it's in confronting my dad's words, break-free from my family business, get out from the house & be FREE to start choosing my own place of living, or saying "yes" to the different opportunities (just like file_cabinet said above), and basically to confront anyone.

I feel that my life all this time has been soo "comfortable", that *everything* just seems to be 'given' to me, and only by NOW, that I'm almost turning 28, that the real Reality suddenly slaps me hard in that now I need to DO things, instead of easily 'given' to me.

and it's scary... hella scary...especially for a "too laid-back" and "risk-avoidant" and "peaceful" person like me!

but...there's NO other choice, if I really really want my life to change,
I really need to step out of my comfort zone,.
isn't it?...

INFP folks, what do you think/say according to your own experiences?
 
G

Ginkgo

Guest
Indoctrinate your parents to see things your way with hypnotic strategies, or do what you want regardless. Many parents view their children as an extension of themselves, and so all beliefs and motivations must be merged for both parent and child in these situations. So either strip yourself of it, or stay in complacency. Seriously, you only have one life. Do you want your future self to look back at today and wish it could travel back, since tomorrow could be worse? I mean, when you look at the past for comfort, could that be a sign that each day is getting worse? 10% of life is what happens to you, and 90% is how you react to it. I think it's time to react proficiently. I wish I could post more but I'm tired. Best wishes.
 

Tantive

New member
Joined
Nov 19, 2009
Messages
453
MBTI Type
INFP
[YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4NcKqi_YhPk"]Star Trek to save the day![/YOUTUBE]
 

CrystalViolet

lab rat extraordinaire
Joined
Oct 24, 2008
Messages
2,152
MBTI Type
XNFP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Pitseleh: can u explain your question more? what do you mean by "need more direction"?
i'm sorry, English is not my 1st language

but your INFP mother's words made me suddenly think,
that I've probably stayed wayy too long already in my comfort zone,
because being a high risk-avoidant person, I always don't want to hurt anybody, would do ANYthing to avoid causing ruckus or conflicts, and I'm VERY anti-conflict!
and now I've realized,..maybe exactly because of that, that my life, ironically, seems to be soo messed up now! because I never DARE to take chances/risks to be BOLD, whether it's in confronting my dad's words, break-free from my family business, get out from the house & be FREE to start choosing my own place of living, or saying "yes" to the different opportunities (just like file_cabinet said above), and basically to confront anyone.

I feel that my life all this time has been soo "comfortable", that *everything* just seems to be 'given' to me, and only by NOW, that I'm almost turning 28, that the real Reality suddenly slaps me hard in that now I need to DO things, instead of easily 'given' to me.

and it's scary... hella scary...especially for a "too laid-back" and "risk-avoidant" and "peaceful" person like me!

but...there's NO other choice, if I really really want my life to change,
I really need to step out of my comfort zone,.
isn't it?...

INFP folks, what do you think/say according to your own experiences?
You spoke teh truth. In the end it doesn't matter if you go out and fail miserably (I'm not saying you will), because by not trying you've already failed. It won't be easy, nothing worth having is. Nothing is worse, than being trapped in an exsistence that's mudane and meaningless. It's not easy for me, as I'm having to build myself back up again....but formulating a plan sort of helps, setting your self dead lines does too. I'm considering some thing I've long put off...but in the end you have to make the first step. No-one else can take it for you. Taking the path of least resistance is all well and good, but in the end you will resent it, and every one who guided you onto it.
 
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