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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thessaly View Post
    Just learn how to motivate yourself. Buy some self help books and find people who will push you/mentor you. Create some momentum. Get inspired. You're never a failure if you try. Never.
    aha.. yeah, I like this suggestion now... here are some steps:
    1. go to a new or used bookstore
    2. look at books
    3. be overwhelmed by all the books
    4. find a book you like

    it'll get you out of the house.. help you locate a book that inspires you.. help give you the backbone and thoughts you need to what you want to do.

    a lot of the times I found that I knew I wanted to do something but I didn't know what steps it took to get there (mostly because I was afraid of taking that first step)... but it is the first step that leads to the second step, third step and so on. looking at books is a reasonable and safe starting point. infpBlog suggested one author but you may not like that author and that's okay, it's just a starting point.

  2. #12
    Senior Member niki's Avatar
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    @infpBlog: if i may know, did you learn all those office skills, web designs, programming through self-learning, or through some private courses, or by help of a friend?
    this is what I'm trying to figure out too, to put into my long-term Life's plans to "break-away" from family business.
    I do know that I need to start learning things I want, but what I'm always confused is:
    - does it need to be learned in university? (another 2-years, or even 4-years in uni sounds cool, but alas, they need a BIG amount of money,...which I'll be confused *where* can I get the money from! )
    - or perhaps, through private courses?
    - or, I can actually learn by myself (self-learning)??....but how? where to start?

    @file_cabinet: I like your last sentence: "sometimes those things that you want to do are those things that you need to do" .
    maybe I've been exactly running away from the thing that I really NEED to do, because of the pressure from my parents, & pressure for "be realistic/REAL", etc.

    you know,..it's funny,
    because I see there seems to be a contradiction,
    between a description in INFP is passionate in one thing,
    and that INFP can't get focused in doing only one thing, as like what infpBlog said above..
    or, is it really all depends on each individual INFP? ie: some INFPs do have passion in only one thing, say, in Art, or Music (that almost 80% everyday just think about music!), while some INFPs seem to have 'passion' in several different things..?

    and also,
    it seems that there's a "major tread" from every INFPs' reply here,
    and that is:

    1. they usually can't be understood by their "normal" family!
    2. the "mature/grown-up" ones seems to be able to somehow shrug off the expectations,
    and start finding ways to LIVE on their own,...and they did it, somehow!
    3. but still, most are still struggling to stay in one fixed job. or perhaps, like infpBlog said, perhaps that is what INFPs are, and we just need to accept that we're somewhat ADD, and need to change jobs constantly?


    but you guys are right: I do really need to break-free,
    and start finding my own path, my own people, so I can really breathe free...

    although I'm still generally confused by my dad's saying that:
    "everybody always want to have fun. but wake up, REALITY is not like that!
    you HAVE to work in real jobs, not constantly have fun!"


    but I do know that Life is NOT that all bleak & we're just "working-machines" till we drop dead!
    there ARE people out there in this world, heck, even in MY developing country here, that seems to truly, really ENJOYING their jobs, and life!
    and this is why I *know* it's NOT impossible.
    Life doesn't have to be very "pragmatist and also bland/bleak" like my dad seems to teach me....although yes, Money is very important to sustain one's living & perhaps, to a certain degree, level of happiness.

    I don't know... what do u guys think though?

  3. #13
    Freshman Member simulatedworld's Avatar
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    It's not just INFPs that have this problem. It's pretty common for NPs in general, I think...and some SPs as well.
    If you could be anything you want, I bet you'd be disappointed--am I right?

  4. #14
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    analyzing everything aids in understanding things but I find the mbti/typology has limits and is only a loose framework to rely on.
    a couple years ago I typed up a '10 year plan' .. not something I usually do. I found the 10 year plan recently and I had accomplished something like 75% of it (it ended up being more like a 2 -7 year plan though).

    because it is about doing what you want to do, I would consider creating a list of things you want to do in the next 10 years (both unattainable and attainable goals). what would you write? It's not meant to be a detailed or comprehensive list but a reference point... like a high level picture of what it is you really want and therefore need to get to. the second step after looking at everything written down would be to look at the one that is most important and see what you want to do go in that direction.

    as for jobs, I see them as a necessary evil.. but that doesn't mean you have to work a job you dislike. find a job that will allow you to support you in what you want to actually do (financially, socially, or otherwise).

  5. #15
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    additionally...

    my friend and I have a thing we talk about.. we call it: The Default is Yes. If you have seen the film 'Yes Man', you may get the idea. you may find yourself in a position where I have found myself and believed that I can't do something.. I had believed in all these 'automatic-no' ideas.. i had believed that the default was "no" and that limited my thinking and actions. The Default is Yes means that Yes, you can do it.. and if there is a reason you think you can't do something there better be a good reason why not. it's sort of like how a salesman will come to you and he will keep trying to sell you something because he thinks the default is 'yes' and that you want to buy something but if he believed that the default was no then he probably wouldn't be a very good salesman. the world, your parents and life tells you that you should be saying "no" to doing certain things but everyone else in the world doesn't have a problem saying "yes" to things so why not say yes.. give in to what you want to do and say yes, yes, yes rather then denying yourself the ability to meet your inner needs.

  6. #16
    Glycerine
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    Whoa, your dad sounds unsupportive. Do YOU feel like you need more direction or are you just trying to please you dad?

    From what I have noticed w/ XNFPs is that they need some sort of passion (inspiration) and then they just go for it. Also, sometimes just getting away from it all at least for a few hours can give you a little clarity. Monotony in one's life can become the enemy to putting yourself out there. Like my INFP mother says, "If you want to reach your goals in life, you have to step out of your comfort zone."

    EDIT: crap, sorry, I'm not INFP.

  7. #17
    Senior Member niki's Avatar
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    Pitseleh: can u explain your question more? what do you mean by "need more direction"?
    i'm sorry, English is not my 1st language

    but your INFP mother's words made me suddenly think,
    that I've probably stayed wayy too long already in my comfort zone,
    because being a high risk-avoidant person, I always don't want to hurt anybody, would do ANYthing to avoid causing ruckus or conflicts, and I'm VERY anti-conflict!
    and now I've realized,..maybe exactly because of that, that my life, ironically, seems to be soo messed up now! because I never DARE to take chances/risks to be BOLD, whether it's in confronting my dad's words, break-free from my family business, get out from the house & be FREE to start choosing my own place of living, or saying "yes" to the different opportunities (just like file_cabinet said above), and basically to confront anyone.

    I feel that my life all this time has been soo "comfortable", that *everything* just seems to be 'given' to me, and only by NOW, that I'm almost turning 28, that the real Reality suddenly slaps me hard in that now I need to DO things, instead of easily 'given' to me.

    and it's scary... hella scary...especially for a "too laid-back" and "risk-avoidant" and "peaceful" person like me!

    but...there's NO other choice, if I really really want my life to change,
    I really need to step out of my comfort zone,.
    isn't it?...

    INFP folks, what do you think/say according to your own experiences?

  8. #18
    Ginkgo
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    Indoctrinate your parents to see things your way with hypnotic strategies, or do what you want regardless. Many parents view their children as an extension of themselves, and so all beliefs and motivations must be merged for both parent and child in these situations. So either strip yourself of it, or stay in complacency. Seriously, you only have one life. Do you want your future self to look back at today and wish it could travel back, since tomorrow could be worse? I mean, when you look at the past for comfort, could that be a sign that each day is getting worse? 10% of life is what happens to you, and 90% is how you react to it. I think it's time to react proficiently. I wish I could post more but I'm tired. Best wishes.

  9. #19
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    [YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4NcKqi_YhPk"]Star Trek to save the day![/YOUTUBE]

  10. #20
    lab rat extraordinaire CrystalViolet's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by niki View Post
    Pitseleh: can u explain your question more? what do you mean by "need more direction"?
    i'm sorry, English is not my 1st language

    but your INFP mother's words made me suddenly think,
    that I've probably stayed wayy too long already in my comfort zone,
    because being a high risk-avoidant person, I always don't want to hurt anybody, would do ANYthing to avoid causing ruckus or conflicts, and I'm VERY anti-conflict!
    and now I've realized,..maybe exactly because of that, that my life, ironically, seems to be soo messed up now! because I never DARE to take chances/risks to be BOLD, whether it's in confronting my dad's words, break-free from my family business, get out from the house & be FREE to start choosing my own place of living, or saying "yes" to the different opportunities (just like file_cabinet said above), and basically to confront anyone.

    I feel that my life all this time has been soo "comfortable", that *everything* just seems to be 'given' to me, and only by NOW, that I'm almost turning 28, that the real Reality suddenly slaps me hard in that now I need to DO things, instead of easily 'given' to me.

    and it's scary... hella scary...especially for a "too laid-back" and "risk-avoidant" and "peaceful" person like me!

    but...there's NO other choice, if I really really want my life to change,
    I really need to step out of my comfort zone,.
    isn't it?...

    INFP folks, what do you think/say according to your own experiences?
    You spoke teh truth. In the end it doesn't matter if you go out and fail miserably (I'm not saying you will), because by not trying you've already failed. It won't be easy, nothing worth having is. Nothing is worse, than being trapped in an exsistence that's mudane and meaningless. It's not easy for me, as I'm having to build myself back up again....but formulating a plan sort of helps, setting your self dead lines does too. I'm considering some thing I've long put off...but in the end you have to make the first step. No-one else can take it for you. Taking the path of least resistance is all well and good, but in the end you will resent it, and every one who guided you onto it.
    Currently submerged under an avalanche of books and paper work. I may come back up for air from time to time.
    Real life awaits and she is a demanding mistress.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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