I have a problem.
I have to give up my dog. I wasn't even thinking about it until my mom told me about this lady who wants her. When I adopted my dog a year ago from the hell-hole that was the animal shelter, I promised her that I'd take care of her and make sure she will always be okay from here on out. Yes, I am extremely emotional about this.
If I look at it optimistically, the fact is that I saved her life because they were going to put her down (these animal shelters put dogs down all the time, it is horrendous) and I can see myself as her foster mother and if given the opportunity to give her a better home, then of course I would.
I have always hated how other people just give up and give away their dogs. Now I am one of those people. No one does it with their children, adoption at birth aside. And I just...she is a part of my family but my parents don't have time or energy to spend with her as much as she needs. And I am only home for a tiny amount of time each year because I am still at school and I plan on leaving the country as soon as I am done with school.
I got her during a period when I believe I was a little manic, I worked this whole plan out, that I'd work myself to death and live in my own apartment, with my dog and build a life for myself. Fact is, and I wish I had realized, I am extremely young and my plans change every other week.
I don't want to talk about this with my friends because they'd be silently 'I told you so', which they did, but I am stubborn as hell. I cried for the better part of my night just thinking about it. I am unnaturally attached to my dog, but I can't center my life for the next 5 years around her. And she is extremely stubborn and needs a good, stable parent, like a child does.
I don't see animals as less than humans (which a lot of people find weird), I will only let someone adopt her after I have screened her properly and made her promise to email me and visit and keep track of her. But just the thought makes me feel ill on the inside. I thought I'd never be one of those people. A dog is not yesterday's trash or hobby. I made a promise. (This probably stems from my past guardians abandoning me and my emotional residue. Every now and then, when this blows up, I have an enormous meltdown.)
So maybe this is silly, but I feel a lot of pain at this decision. On one hand, it is completely logical and I am not a bad person, I am actually a selfless person, and ... instead of holding onto her, I want her to have a better life than my parents can provide with their 12 hour job. And she was badly abused when she was younger so ... I just want her to be taken care of. On the other hand, I feel like a terrible, terrible person. On the other other hand, I saved her life, bottom line. I plan on being a foster mom for orphaned dogs in the future, so maybe this will be a lesson.
This is one of the times when I wish I was one of those people who just don't give a shit. I have provided her with a good life so far, it is far better than that cage she was in, and the beatings that she got, and I have taken care of her with all that I have, but I just don't have barely anything.