User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 109

Thread: INFJs

  1. #1
    Tenured roisterer SolitaryWalker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w6 so/sx
    Posts
    3,467

    Default INFJs

    I find this type and people representing it to be somewhat interesting.

    Highly intuitive and therefore often brilliantly perceptive.

    The Ni-Fe combination often creates the Fi affect germane to what we see in INFPs, hence the INFJs will be able to offer profound insights into human nature and relationships. Very much worth listening to.

    Yet, when they turn to their Fe, I notice myself rapidly losing regard for them. Not because I have an aversion to feelings in general, this does not happen to me with INFPs who are much more feeling-oriented than the INFJs. I lose regard for them because at this point its not even about interpersonal matters anymore or exploration of the human element, its just cant. Its about showing emotion just to show it irrespectively of how trite and hollow.

    So, my question to other INTPs is, can you relate?

    And to all, how can one overcome this problem having engaged the INFJ. I am not talking about any particular relationship per se. What I am looking for is a way to avoid losing the tie due to their Fe, as that aspect of their character not only vitiates their much esteemed intuitive insights, but also my interpersonal connection with them.


    *FJs---keep in mind, I am not looking for a solution to settle into, I'd be much more interested in your brainstorming than your conclusions. I already have a plausible solution in mind to this problem, more perspectives would never hurt.
    "Do not argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience." -- Mark Twain

    “No man but a blockhead ever wrote, except for money.”---Samuel Johnson

    My blog: www.randommeanderings123.blogspot.com/

  2. #2
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    FREE
    Enneagram
    594 sx/sp
    Socionics
    LII Ne
    Posts
    42,333

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by BlueWing View Post
    Yet, when they turn to their Fe, I notice myself rapidly losing regard for them. Not because I have an aversion to feelings in general, this does not happen to me with INFPs who are much more feeling-oriented than the INFJs. I lose regard for them because at this point its not even about interpersonal matters anymore or exploration of the human element, its just cant. Its about showing emotion just to show it irrespectively of how trite and hollow.
    I don't have issues with mature INFJs.

    And my opinion is that unqualified bolded comment reflects more upon you than upon the INFJs I know, to be honest.

    It will be interesting to see if you can garner some serious replies to an OP that essentially insults another type (along with insinuating negative things against any Fe-dominant type) so blatantly.

    And to all, how can one overcome this problem having engaged the INFJ. I am not talking about any particular relationship per se. What I am looking for is a way to avoid losing the tie due to their Fe, as that aspect of their character not only vitiates their much esteemed intuitive insights, but also my interpersonal connection with them.
    It's a two-way street. You have to realize that they can easily read your Ne or Ti as something that is prohibiting "true relationship" with them, to the extent that you take it to make comments like this... so perhaps the question is what can you change in yourself that might make the relationship better, rather than asking what's wrong with them.

    Worry about yourself and how you're coming across, first and foremost, and know your own weaknesses.

    That all being said, sometimes Fe does feel "more formal" whereas I am looking for a more intimate and informal connection. For example, my second therapist is INFJ, and while I understood her (and so I didn't take the "distance" personally, our communications were awkward and I didn't feel an easy connection with her. She relaxed over time, as we felt each other out, and things have improved, but I don't know if there is an easy way past that. It's something that has to be worked out with the individual. I simply stuck with her and responded appropriately through Fe, without trying to "push" things too much -- I stuck my neck out first, so to speak, without trying to force a connection -- and things improved as we got to know each other better.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  3. #3
    Tenured roisterer SolitaryWalker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w6 so/sx
    Posts
    3,467

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    I don't have issues with mature INFJs.

    And my opinion is that unqualified bolded comment reflects more upon you than upon the INFJs I know, to be honest.

    It will be interesting to see if you can garner some serious replies to an OP that essentially insults another type (along with insinuating negative things against any Fe-dominant type) so blatantly.



    It's a two-way street. You have to realize that they can easily read your Ne or Ti as something that is prohibiting "true relationship" with them, to the extent that you take it to make comments like this... so perhaps the question is what can you change in yourself that might make the relationship better, rather than asking what's wrong with them.

    Worry about yourself and how you're coming across, first and foremost, and know your own weaknesses.

    That all being said, sometimes Fe does feel "more formal" whereas I am looking for a more intimate and informal connection. For example, my second therapist is INFJ, and while I understood her (and so I didn't take the "distance" personally, our communications were awkward and I didn't feel an easy connection with her. She relaxed over time, as we felt each other out, and things have improved, but I don't know if there is an easy way past that. It's something that has to be worked out with the individual. I simply stuck with her and responded appropriately through Fe, without trying to "push" things too much -- I stuck my neck out first, so to speak, without trying to force a connection -- and things improved as we got to know each other better.

    Generally healthy and balanced INFJs tend to exude the aforementioned Fi effect. Cant is often evidence of their malfunctioning.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Worry about yourself and how you're coming across, first and foremost, and know your own weaknesses..
    Thats a matter for another discussion because this thread is about the already malfunctioning INFJs. However, based on your suggestion, one can claim that if I try to be the soundest I can be, they will be led out of their malfunctioning. Thats a solution, however, not a good one--as INFJs need to undergo an internal change (as introverts primarily are influenced internally) in order to become sound.
    "Do not argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience." -- Mark Twain

    “No man but a blockhead ever wrote, except for money.”---Samuel Johnson

    My blog: www.randommeanderings123.blogspot.com/

  4. #4
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    5,351

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by BlueWing View Post
    ...
    And to all, how can one overcome this problem having engaged the INFJ. I am not talking about any particular relationship per se. What I am looking for is a way to avoid losing the tie due to their Fe, as that aspect of their character not only vitiates their much esteemed intuitive insights, but also my interpersonal connection with them.
    ...
    From my experience, the bottom line is this: if you don't want to lose the tie, then you need to learn to appreciate Fe. There must be something good about it. Every quality has good points and bad points, doesn't it?

    On the other hand, would this person stop doing so much Fe around you if you asked them to?

    What about Fe is so distasteful to you? Is it possible that this person may have other "issues" such as a boundary problem, and their Fe is going overboard accordingly?

  5. #5
    Furry Critter with Claws Kiddo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    MBTI
    OMNi
    Posts
    2,790

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by BlueWing View Post
    Yet, when they turn to their Fe, I notice myself rapidly losing regard for them. Not because I have an aversion to feelings in general, this does not happen to me with INFPs who are much more feeling-oriented than the INFJs. I lose regard for them because at this point its not even about interpersonal matters anymore or exploration of the human element, its just cant. Its about showing emotion just to show it irrespectively of how trite and hollow.
    Help me out here BW; how about some examples of these "trite" and "hollow" displays of emotion? In what ways do they inhibit intuition?

  6. #6
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    9w1
    Socionics
    INFj None
    Posts
    9,827

    Default

    I think the piece you are missing is empathy.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  7. #7
    Senior Member Eileen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    6?
    Posts
    2,191

    Default

    I actually avoid trite and hollow expressions of emotion, myself - and I would suspect that most INFJs do. Sincerity and genuineness are pretty key to the INFJ.
    INFJ

    "I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. You can never be what you ought to be until I am what I ought to be. This is the interrelated structure of reality." -Martin Luther King, Jr.

  8. #8
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    401

    Default

    Could this simply be your perception of a function you experience negatively?

    I find the functions I do not experience favorably tend to give me a negative impression when I view them in others.

  9. #9
    Furry Critter with Claws Kiddo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    MBTI
    OMNi
    Posts
    2,790

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    I think the piece you are missing is empathy.
    I think you probably hit the nail on the head. What is it with NTs and their hatred for compassion? On INTJ central I ran into members who went on and on about how useless it is to be aware of another's feelings. Nothing seems to offend them more than drawing their attention to the condition of other's emotion and pain.

  10. #10
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    8,828

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by BlueWing View Post
    Yet, when they turn to their Fe, I notice myself rapidly losing regard for them. Not because I have an aversion to feelings in general, this does not happen to me with INFPs who are much more feeling-oriented than the INFJs. I lose regard for them because at this point its not even about interpersonal matters anymore or exploration of the human element, its just cant. Its about showing emotion just to show it irrespectively of how trite and hollow.
    Interesting. But I disagree. When I turn to Fe, sometimes it's about using Fe to promulgate Ni goals... that could be what seems hollow to you. But that's how auxiliary functions tend to serve dominant ones. Fi confuses me just as much as Fe confuses you... some people just don't have that Fi "link." And why did you change your type to INTJ?

    And to all, how can one overcome this problem having engaged the INFJ. I am not talking about any particular relationship per se. What I am looking for is a way to avoid losing the tie due to their Fe, as that aspect of their character not only vitiates their much esteemed intuitive insights, but also my interpersonal connection with them.
    Actually, it might be best to avoid engaging us emotionally if dealing with more stereotypical emotional expressions isn't your forte. If you engage us emotionally, we may react that way. You might be able to gather more insight into "deeper" emotions if you ask us about topics that don't engage them directly, or put us in a position we don't have a personal stake in. The Fi is unconscious/obscured to some degree, so it can "seep" through the cracks where Fe doesn't really have a stake in things.

    Basically, if you don't want to hear any Fe, don't give us a reason to express it. Okay?

    What do you think?

Similar Threads

  1. [INFJ] INFJs - anger and upset?
    By Eileen in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 70
    Last Post: 05-06-2015, 09:28 AM
  2. [INFJ] INFJ Compatibility - INFJ's Romantic Match?
    By shadowstormz in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 339
    Last Post: 07-17-2014, 06:09 AM
  3. [INFJ] Psychic INFJ's?
    By shadowstormz in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 52
    Last Post: 04-19-2012, 11:18 AM
  4. [INFJ] INFJ organizational strategies
    By Scruffy1123 in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 03-14-2009, 02:45 AM
  5. [INFJ] Any INFJ girls?
    By findthejake in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 157
    Last Post: 05-11-2008, 04:58 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO