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  1. #1
    Senior Member MafiaAngel180's Avatar
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    Default ENFPS -- Are you difficult??

    Hello fellow ENFPs...I've been wondering...does anyone ever tell you that you are difficult to get along with? Do people get angry with you? Do you feel like sometimes you have to overanalyze everything you say because people take everything you say the wrong way? Do you sometimes feel that you have to walk on eggshells with people?

    I've been having this problem. And I get so exhausted trying to communicate with people and get my point across that I just close up and shut down. (Which people also have a problem with.) At first I thought it was just with my SP boyfriend, who I'm having problems with. But it occurred to me that many people think I am hard to get along with. My SP mother hates the way I communicate and it frustrates her to no end. She gets very angry. I wished I could say it was just the SPs...but it seems to be more types than just that.

    I just would like to know if anyone else feels this way. Maybe it's not a type thing. It might just be a me thing.

  2. #2
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    i'm really too sleepy brained to even attempt answering but maybe it'll make sense...we'll see

    i think we can be confusing and frustrating. i think we can be so quick to pick out just a bit of information and think we have the full picture and respond to that but then we're lazy and don't realize not everyone else is seeing the same picture and the few details we provide is not enough...so it just isn't very effective communication...but we don't always do that....i should say me...maybe that's a me thing not an enfp thing.

    but...i don't really have anyone say i'm difficult to get along with...but i'm sure that ^^ is annoying.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  3. #3
    Senior Member ilovereeses's Avatar
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    I wouldn't say that I'm difficult to get along with, it's just hard to point out why I do something, because half of the time I don't even know, myself. And when I think I do, it's a complicated mess.

    Example:

    "Why did you tell him you loved him if you didn't?"

    me: Uhh....because....I felt like I really did at the time because of blah blah blah, but then blah happened and changed it, but I wonder if I ever did because if I did it wouldn't have disappeared so fast. But I really love him as a person and I hate seeing him in pain, so maybe I do love him. He says that he loves me, so I felt obligated to love him back because I don't want to hurt him. But because I don't want to hurt him, that must mean that I really do love him. But if I did, wouldn't it be easier to figure it out? Wouldn't I say it in a heartbeat instead of talking in circles? What is love? Have I ever felt love?

    yeah...super confusing.
    eNFP 9w8 sx/sp

    ~Don't ignore the truth, it will set you free.

    ~10% of life is what happens to you, 90% of life is how you deal with it.

  4. #4
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Yes, I hear it. Hang around here and you will find other crazy people like you.

  5. #5
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    yes.

  6. #6
    Senior Member surgery's Avatar
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    Sorry, I'm not a ENFP, but I have to say my ENFP brother to be "difficult."

    Within my immediate family, I would have say he's "the black sheep." He's very enthusiastic about things that interest him, but when someone else doesn't seem as interested I guess he feels rejected and misunderstood. Additionally, he displays little tolerance for doing things he doesn't want to (ie, school, work or even simple chores). And, in my experience, he rarely ever just complies for the sake of having a peaceful environment like the way my parents (ESFJ and ISFP) and I do.

    Personally, I find his communication style very confrontational. He's quick to belittle other people's ideas, interests or actions.
    For example, I showed him the profiles for ENFP and enneagram Seven. He skimmed both and confirmed they were accurate, but doesn't care to learn more or investigate further. That's would be fine if he didn't get angry when I don't immediately jump on bored to his ideas about reincarnation, 9/11, the benefits of marijuana, astral projection, extra terrestrials, etc. It's seems like that, to him, the fact that I am not crazy about motorcycles is evidence of my inability to understand what's really important in life. As if I can't see how money corrupts or that police abuse their power or that I'm a mindless sheep because I can tolerate the drudgery of our contemporary society's structure.

    Typical of ENFPs he despises bureaucracy and routine and apparently see's it everywhere. I suspect he's a 7w8. I don't consider that inherently bad thing or thing he's wrong to think that, but he doesn't do anything constructive to

    My ISFP mother often comments on his lack of self-esteem. Despite his personality type, which is often very optimistic, she notes that he's very pessimistic. "I'm not smart enough for school," or "I can't bare being at work" are common complaints. Essentially, he I think he's frustrated because he's unsure about what he wants to do with his life, his capacity to deal with reality responsibly, as well as how to manifest ideals.

    Altogether, he must feel very victimized.

    However, I don't think he's intentionally mean and doesn't understand why we so frequently misinterpret his intentions. There is almost constantly tension between him and my parents or myself because he just comes off so aggressively among seemingly trivial things. Around his friends, he's always goofy, sweet and charming, but at home . . . !!!!

    I know other ENFPs, but none of them are as intense as him. However, they aren't as imaginative, philosophical or idealistic. He has good qualities, but they just aren't particularly practical.
    Maybe the problem is he (and I) are just spoiled--way too much television and not enough discipline as children.

    Again, sorry to turn this into a rant. Of course, I am not saying that this is typical ENFP behavior or that you, MafiaAngel, behave is similarly because of your type. I just though it would be relevant to your questions.

    Do any of you ENFPs have some constructive advice I could relay to him about escapism, being bored, setting goals, etc? I don't want to sound like I am trying to control him, which I think he resents deeply. Just help because I'm not blind to what he may be experiencing.

  7. #7
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    helpful post actually i think.

    the only advice i can offer about the career stuff is find something you love and are good at. we really really struggle doing anything we're not excited about.

    god that's awful :/
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  8. #8
    Senior Member surgery's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    helpful post actually i think.

    the only advice i can offer about the career stuff is find something you love and are good at. we really really struggle doing anything we're not excited about.

    god that's awful :/


    Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.

    I initially typed him as an ESTP because he's so good with technical skills like drawing, building with legos, racing and music.
    Yet, he rejects the idea of teaching guitar, though it's one of his passions.
    He probably doubts whether it would be exciting or challenging for him.
    He's also recently shown interest in cooking, but hasn't taken much initiative in pursuing a career in culinary arts.

    The only "ideals" that he has expressed to me have been:

    Racing motorcylces while being "an advocate for peace" and living a nomadic life on his motorcyle in Italy.
    He prefers Southern Europe because of the climate and because, apparently, there are less rules/police regulation on the roads : )

    Do any of you ENFPs have stories about how reality forced you to commit to a career, etc. or would that derail the thread?

  9. #9
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    haha...he sounds interesting.

    um...it probably would yep but i think reality can't help but force most people to find work and since you know you have to do something it might as well be something you're good at and enjoy right? so...he's just going to have to try something and see how it fits...what's the alternative?
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  10. #10
    Senior Member surgery's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    haha...he sounds interesting.

    um...it probably would yep but i think reality can't help but force most people to find work and since you know you have to do something it might as well be something you're good at and enjoy right? so...he's just going to have to try something and see how it fits...what's the alternative?
    Living with my parents until he's forty, freeloading off friends, homelessness, crime, jail, premature death.

    I just fear that he'll never be able to translate his passions into a stable career, so he'll end up on the streets, instead.
    Something tells me that's more likely than roughening it out at a routine job that he hates.

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