[ENFP] ENFPS -- Are you difficult??

[Laurie]

Because writing takes a little longer and you don't have to come up with the right words off the top of your head. You have a chance to sit and think.

Yeah, that's why I get typed wrong in the forum all the time. I have a chance to reflect before responding. <-- I just changed that word from "typing" to "responding." Then added a . inside of the " because I forgot to punctuate the sentence.

Right now I'm reading over the last paragraph to make sure that it flowed well. I like the way erin posts and really enjoy reading her thoughts but I've found that if I'm not careful how I post things in a forum they are not as clear as I would like.

I'm certainly not as clear in real life as I am on a forum. <-- I just changed "no clear" to "not as clear."

I'm sure I come across differently in IM than on here.

 

[Aimee]

Random, but from the posts ive read it seems easier to be an ENFP male than female

I agree.

 

[garbage]

Because we go over our posts several times before pressing "submit"

Or at least I do

I usually have to go back and correct typos after I submitted...

guilty of both of these, constantly

Not "typos" for me, but rather I edit things to make them seem as clear as possible. Sometimes. When it matters.

 

[Queen Kat]

That's funny, no one has ever told me I'm difficult to get allong with. Most people think I'm very nice. Of course there are people I can't get along with, but that's their fault. They're unlikable and I don't like hanging out with unlikable people.
Sometimes people do get angry with me. Most of them are SJs and closeminded people. But that's their fault, not mine. I'm sweet, they're stupid. It's hard to get angry with me, except if you're the kind of person who doesn't like people who do whatever they want.
I don't feel like I have to overanalyse everything, I only feel like other people take everything I say too literally and too serious. When I say "I'm dying" it doesn't literally mean that I'm about to die, it just means I'm hungry, but they don't understand. I also have to watch out with things such as sarcasm, because most people don't seem to get sarcasm. Every time I say something sarcastic, I have to explain the whole thing. That's pretty tiresome.
I used to have the feeling that I had to walk on eggshells, but not anymore. If people feel hurt or whatsoever because of something I've said, it's their problem and not mine. The only person I'm careful with, is my grandmother. She doesn't understand everything (honestly, she's an idiot) and she always starts arguing about everything.

 

[phoenix13]

Not really. I do have a difficult time explaining things clearly, but no one gets hosile about it.

On the other hand, I make a concerted effort to steer clear of people that find me too eccentric or people with sticks shoved up their asses (the type that would take issue with my scattered ways). I hate those guys...

 

[phoenix13]

Random, but from the posts ive read it seems easier to be an ENFP male than female

2 reasons I disagree:

1. The uber expressiveness is acceptable in a woman, but sometimes considered "gay" in a male.

2. In general, it's more complicated to be a female than a male. not a type thing.

 

[ilovereeses]

When I was dating an ESFJ he said I was difficult because I can't always control myself....or maybe it's because he couldn't control me?

*runs away from laptop to avoid ESFJ comebacks*

 

[Lady_X]

what esfj comebacks...from where exactly?

 

[ilovereeses]

what esfj comebacks...from where exactly?

Right, there aren't many of them on this forum. *phew*

 

[Ratsimoan]

Hello fellow ENFPs...I've been wondering...does anyone ever tell you that you are difficult to get along with? Do people get angry with you? Do you feel like sometimes you have to overanalyze everything you say because people take everything you say the wrong way? Do you sometimes feel that you have to walk on eggshells with people?

I've been having this problem. And I get so exhausted trying to communicate with people and get my point across that I just close up and shut down. (Which people also have a problem with.) At first I thought it was just with my SP boyfriend, who I'm having problems with. But it occurred to me that many people think I am hard to get along with. My SP mother hates the way I communicate and it frustrates her to no end. She gets very angry. I wished I could say it was just the SPs...but it seems to be more types than just that.

I just would like to know if anyone else feels this way. Maybe it's not a type thing. It might just be a me thing.

The same with me. but i mostly get that from my S's family.

 

[Ratsimoan]

I personally think people say I'm difficult because I don't conform to what they want me to do. sometimes, i feel like people are trying to control me, so i may oppose to what they say and what they want me to do, but not all the time. I think enfp naturally just go against the mold, we are advocator or champion, we have to be different.

I don't want to be difficult, but i can't help but to be myself. Because I like to go with the flow all the time. I'm not difficult all the time, only on my morals and views.

 

[Lady_X]

that's a good point. controlling types will certainly think us difficult.

 

[Virtual ghost]

that's a good point. controlling types will certainly think us difficult.

Actually we will think of you more as challange.

 

[Lady_X]

that just sounds like you view us as a horse to break...

 

[Moiety]

I think control has become an umbrella term used by ENFPs to justify irresponsibility sometimes. It's pretty easy and cool to be completely apart from people we know only superficially, but when you live or are close to other people, doing what one pleases is not always a good idea.

It's a lot more difficult to love or tolerate someone who is all over the place because we are demanding constant adaptation form other people, and not everyone is capable of that, nevermind the fact we don't always see ourselves has having an obligation to compromise in the whole equation either.

I think a mature ENFP doesn't give two fucks about control, because he/she will be very nonchalant about the whole thing and won't even recognize others as having any sort of power over him/her.


It's always someone else's fault.... but if the ENFP is one of the least controlling types, that means most others are always more controlling by default...so complaining about other people being too controlling doesn't mean squat. Unless the ENFP prefers to live as a hermit he/she will have to adapt a bit too. Or just not truly care about anyone as just be his/her naturally self-centered self.

 

[Lady_X]

wtf kind of response was that?

 

[Moiety]

wtf kind of response was that?

Uh? What do you mean? I just think we ENFPs can whine too much about other people being controlling.

 

[Lady_X]

well i was just saying that to me the only people who would really label us as difficult would be those who thought they could control us or get us do as they expected...people really shouldn't be doing that anyway. how is that immature to expect someone not to?

and i don't think we're whining at all...we're just saying if you didn't have some warped expectation to be able to run things than you wouldn't think one difficult when they wouldn't let you.

and self centered?! bs...the one who thinks they have the right to control you is the self centered one.

 

[Moiety]

well i was just saying that to me the only people who would really label us as difficult would be those who thought they could control us or do as they expected...people really shouldn't be doing that anyway. how is that immature to expect someone not to?

It's all semantics. The threshold ENFPs have for the word control is very different than most people, too.

It is not immature per se, but it is naive to not expect people not to "control" us. And by controlling I don't mean that which is regarded as controlling by everyone out there, but the things we ENFPs see as controlling and other types just see as normal.

Think of it as a mother and child. The mother loves her child very much, she might even be the most uncontrolling mother of all time...that won't save her from feeling sad if her son makes bad decisions in life and is completely inconsequential ... she won't try to control because that's not the kind of person she is, but she might feel sad to see that her son doesn't seem to give a crap about the hurt he is causing his mother by his actions ( I consciously avoided any concrete example, because what I'm trying to illustrate is abstract anyway, but I'm sure everyone can think of an example for themselves).

Btw, I wasn't directly replying at you. I just used the word control because that is I think, how a lot of ENFPs feel, and what the concept around which our apparent "difficulty" seems to revolve.


I think if all us ENFPs had our way, we could do any and everything without anyone judging us and we'd always be loved and well liked by all. Is that good? I don't think so. We could depend on others to help us, but no always be in the mood to help other people (even if we have a big heart) because we are just too lazy and hedonistic. etc etc

Because all of this is tied to caring. When one doesn't care, it's pretty easy to just do what one wants. But when other people are involved...we are prone to forgetting other people ARE involved.

 

[Lady_X]

well i think that's not seeing it accurately at all. i think many enfps are naturally very loving, helpful and cooperative people and have a preference for harmony. i believe we only expect the same freedom we give to others and i also think we can be great team players but chose not to infringe on the rights of the individuals within the group. i personally do not feel much control in my life now and really only have from one person ever so it is not as if i go around believing everyone is trying to hold me down...i do not.

but some people do have such inflated self concepts that they believe their way is THE way and would attempt to have you follow it. those people are misguided and will be sorely disappointed when dealing with an independent enfp and will likely claim the enfp to be a "difficult" person.