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  1. #71
    Senior Member Ratsimoan's Avatar
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    I personally think people say I'm difficult because I don't conform to what they want me to do. sometimes, i feel like people are trying to control me, so i may oppose to what they say and what they want me to do, but not all the time. I think enfp naturally just go against the mold, we are advocator or champion, we have to be different.

    I don't want to be difficult, but i can't help but to be myself. Because I like to go with the flow all the time. I'm not difficult all the time, only on my morals and views.
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  2. #72
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    that's a good point. controlling types will certainly think us difficult.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  3. #73
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    that's a good point. controlling types will certainly think us difficult.
    Actually we will think of you more as challange.

  4. #74
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    that just sounds like you view us as a horse to break...
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  5. #75
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    I think control has become an umbrella term used by ENFPs to justify irresponsibility sometimes. It's pretty easy and cool to be completely apart from people we know only superficially, but when you live or are close to other people, doing what one pleases is not always a good idea.

    It's a lot more difficult to love or tolerate someone who is all over the place because we are demanding constant adaptation form other people, and not everyone is capable of that, nevermind the fact we don't always see ourselves has having an obligation to compromise in the whole equation either.

    I think a mature ENFP doesn't give two fucks about control, because he/she will be very nonchalant about the whole thing and won't even recognize others as having any sort of power over him/her.


    It's always someone else's fault.... but if the ENFP is one of the least controlling types, that means most others are always more controlling by default...so complaining about other people being too controlling doesn't mean squat. Unless the ENFP prefers to live as a hermit he/she will have to adapt a bit too. Or just not truly care about anyone as just be his/her naturally self-centered self.

  6. #76
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    wtf kind of response was that?
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  7. #77
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    wtf kind of response was that?
    Uh? What do you mean? I just think we ENFPs can whine too much about other people being controlling.

  8. #78
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    well i was just saying that to me the only people who would really label us as difficult would be those who thought they could control us or get us do as they expected...people really shouldn't be doing that anyway. how is that immature to expect someone not to?

    and i don't think we're whining at all...we're just saying if you didn't have some warped expectation to be able to run things than you wouldn't think one difficult when they wouldn't let you.

    and self centered?! bs...the one who thinks they have the right to control you is the self centered one.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  9. #79
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    well i was just saying that to me the only people who would really label us as difficult would be those who thought they could control us or do as they expected...people really shouldn't be doing that anyway. how is that immature to expect someone not to?
    It's all semantics. The threshold ENFPs have for the word control is very different than most people, too.

    It is not immature per se, but it is naive to not expect people not to "control" us. And by controlling I don't mean that which is regarded as controlling by everyone out there, but the things we ENFPs see as controlling and other types just see as normal.

    Think of it as a mother and child. The mother loves her child very much, she might even be the most uncontrolling mother of all time...that won't save her from feeling sad if her son makes bad decisions in life and is completely inconsequential ... she won't try to control because that's not the kind of person she is, but she might feel sad to see that her son doesn't seem to give a crap about the hurt he is causing his mother by his actions ( I consciously avoided any concrete example, because what I'm trying to illustrate is abstract anyway, but I'm sure everyone can think of an example for themselves).

    Btw, I wasn't directly replying at you. I just used the word control because that is I think, how a lot of ENFPs feel, and what the concept around which our apparent "difficulty" seems to revolve.


    I think if all us ENFPs had our way, we could do any and everything without anyone judging us and we'd always be loved and well liked by all. Is that good? I don't think so. We could depend on others to help us, but no always be in the mood to help other people (even if we have a big heart) because we are just too lazy and hedonistic. etc etc

    Because all of this is tied to caring. When one doesn't care, it's pretty easy to just do what one wants. But when other people are involved...we are prone to forgetting other people ARE involved.

  10. #80
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    well i think that's not seeing it accurately at all. i think many enfps are naturally very loving, helpful and cooperative people and have a preference for harmony. i believe we only expect the same freedom we give to others and i also think we can be great team players but chose not to infringe on the rights of the individuals within the group. i personally do not feel much control in my life now and really only have from one person ever so it is not as if i go around believing everyone is trying to hold me down...i do not.

    but some people do have such inflated self concepts that they believe their way is THE way and would attempt to have you follow it. those people are misguided and will be sorely disappointed when dealing with an independent enfp and will likely claim the enfp to be a "difficult" person.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

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