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Thread: Roommate?

  1. #1
    Senior Member 2XtremeENFP's Avatar
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    Default Roommate?

    ENFP here thinking of getting an ESFP roommate, she's a close friend that i've known for about 8 years pros? cons? Discuss

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    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    It's going to be wild

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    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Everything changes when you live with a friend, it'll be great, or it'll suck, either way good luck.

    Advice: keep financial commitments clear and up front and bills in the correct name. Same with anything else that could cause conflict like house work, guests and personal space.

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    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    I think we need more info about your relationship with this person to give better responses.

    I will say that I LOVE my ESFP friends. And in some ways we are very similar. Someone just posted this link in another thread a few days ago and I think it sums things up pretty well: ESFP - ENFP

    I'd say that in general this would be a great match for roomatedness. According to Socionics ENFPs and ESFPs have "Look-a-Like" relations. (Look-a-like relations between psychological ("personality") types) This means you'll be very sympathetic to each other's problems, but not super close... or at least with the emotional intimacy that I as an ENFP would expect. So if you are expecting long heart-to-hearts with your roommate, you'll be disappointed. However, a little bit of distance is good in a roommate relationship.

    What are your fears / concerns with moving in with this ESFP?

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    Senior Member ObeyBunny's Avatar
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    Make sure that your finances are completely separate.

    Make sure that both of you know what kinds of chores that each of you are supposed to do so that one of you doesn't end up feeling like he/she carries the brunt of the responsibility around the house while the other feels like he/she is doing his/her fair share.

    As annoyingly J-ish as it sounds, post a list of rules somewhere where both of you can see it. Example of rule: "no boyfriends/girlfriends stay over night without the other persons' consent"

    Make sure that you start saving money for a medical emergency that could cover at least 2 full days in a hospital (granted you have insurance). Preferably 2,000 dollars or more after 8 months of living together.

    Buy a first aid kit as well as some anti-histamine caught medicine, and something for diarrhea, something for constipation.
    ---
    Keeping a room mate is a big responsibility.
    Q: "What is the process of seeking the truth?"
    A: "Distilled liquor"

    Q: "If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?"
    A: "Between a starving prostitute and a steak sandwich."

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    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ObeyBunny View Post
    Make sure that your finances are completely separate.

    As annoyingly J-ish as it sounds, post a list of rules somewhere where both of you can see it. Example of rule: "no boyfriends/girlfriends stay over night without the other persons' consent"

    Make sure that you start saving money for a medical emergency that could cover at least 2 full days in a hospital (granted you have insurance). Preferably 2,000 dollars or more after 8 months of living together.

    Buy a first aid kit as well as some anti-histamine caught medicine, and something for diarrhea, something for constipation.
    ---
    Keeping a room mate is a big responsibility.
    This is very good advice, but I've never known anyone who has done any of these things. I had to laugh when I read this, ObeyBunny Very, very J. Very, very INTJ. I find it unlikely that the ENFP original poster will implement these strategies... even though they should.

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    Senior Member ObeyBunny's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    This is very good advice, but I've never known anyone who has done any of these things. I had to laugh when I read this, ObeyBunny Very, very J. Very, very INTJ. I find it unlikely that the ENFP original poster will implement these strategies... even though they should.
    I do all those things. (except posting rules, I would just mention them verbally)
    Q: "What is the process of seeking the truth?"
    A: "Distilled liquor"

    Q: "If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?"
    A: "Between a starving prostitute and a steak sandwich."

    Q:How would a mathematician capture an elephant?
    A:He would build a cage, step inside, and rename his new location as "outside."

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    Senior Member 2XtremeENFP's Avatar
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    Thanks everyone for your help thus far!

    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    I think we need more info about your relationship with this person to give better responses.


    What are your fears / concerns with moving in with this ESFP?
    Well, what would you like to know?

    And I'm not sure what my fears/concerns are, really. I guess mainly just like handling conflict. I know that i tend to hold things in, and that I can rationalize inward and get over problems, but I know that sometimes she does the same thing, but she is waaay more confrontational than me. and I am worried she will get mad over small things and want to talk about it all the time. Some of our friendship problems in the past have stemmed from us getting mad at eachother and not bringing it to surface til it's too late, but that was years ago, I think we are more mature now. Also, I know that in the past, she has always been concerned with me not letting her 'fully' in--that is, not telling her everything about my thoughts, and my life, but I feel that I tell her stuff, just not everything; I think she finds offense.

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    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2XtremeENFP View Post
    And I'm not sure what my fears/concerns are, really. I guess mainly just like handling conflict.
    Talk about this first. Seriously. I've seen share house situations ruin strong 20 year friendships and I've seen it bring people closer, the difference comes down to having clear expectations for each other and a desire to work together to meet them. If confrontation is something you think could lead to a fall out, and in share houses there are like a billion things that can lead to confrontation, devise a plan for how you both agree to deal with confrontations when they arise that gives her the ability to release and you the ability to take it in at the speed that you need. Organise to use other forms of communication than face-to-face when this occurs if you need too but do it before you move in together.

    For ESFP specific concerns refer to best fit type:

    How ESFPs Build Relationships
    For them, team relationships are about caring, sharing the work, and having fun together. Warm and friendly, they help by listening to what teammates are trying to do, questioning to get a clear picture, and reflecting back to them what they hear being said. They work very hard to see other people’s points of view, although they often want what they want when they want it. They will make the effort to get really involved in the team...

    How ESFPs Deal with Conflict
    If they had their way, there would be no conflict. But when there is they usually try to make light of a situation to shift the attention to something more positive. When the team has a problem, they expect real progress to be made toward a solution...

    To Forge Better Relationships with ESFPs…
    Provide a team environment that allows them autonomy and freedom from routine and hierarchy. They handle structure but for only a short time—even if they put it on themselves. They like clear direction with freedom to do what they see is needed. Freedom from boredom gives them the strength to do what they need to but don’t want to. Don’t tell them they “can’t” do something. Describe potential roadblocks and problems as challenges...

    How ESFPs Approach Doing Work
    They are most likely to be stimulating action, getting things going to get things done. They tend to be very good at multitasking and they like it. They have a sort of everybody-pitch-in attitude that engenders team spirit and high energy...

    How ESFPs Make Decisions
    Decisions usually come quickly for them about what action to take, but they may vary the decision when new options for action are seen. In the time it takes others to notice something, they’re already acting on it. They take in a lot of rich detail, noticing minimal non-verbal cues...

    How ESFPs Respond to Change
    They are generally adaptable and accept the realities of a situation. They are especially tuned in to people and their reactions. They adapt to change based on what is important in relation to what is happening in their immediate external world, attending to what will make people satisfied and seeking to help them...

  10. #10
    Senor Membrane
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    Personally, I think that living with roommates is a lot more "natural" situation for people than the normal way. I am now living with three other people, and I lived in another commune a year earlier. I wouldn't live with only one person as I feel like it is "too much" in some ways. The situation I am in now doesn't require me to be there for them all the time, as they can talk to each other or do stuff by themselves. But I can if I want to. So, I see it like I have more options now than if I was living with only one person.

    Quote Originally Posted by 2XtremeENFP View Post
    And I'm not sure what my fears/concerns are, really. I guess mainly just like handling conflict. I know that i tend to hold things in, and that I can rationalize inward and get over problems, but I know that sometimes she does the same thing, but she is waaay more confrontational than me. and I am worried she will get mad over small things and want to talk about it all the time. Some of our friendship problems in the past have stemmed from us getting mad at eachother and not bringing it to surface til it's too late, but that was years ago, I think we are more mature now. Also, I know that in the past, she has always been concerned with me not letting her 'fully' in--that is, not telling her everything about my thoughts, and my life, but I feel that I tell her stuff, just not everything; I think she finds offense.
    Always assume the best of your roommate and accept her as she is. The only times there have been some real trouble in my houses has been when someone has felt that someone else is being mean to them specifically, though it might as well been that someone said something that was interpreted wrong. It creates tension which will create even more tension as both parties start to suspect each other's motives. So, just accept it as it is, or if there is a real issue, be blunt. Acceptance is really the hardest part, because it needs to be real in order to create good atmosphere.

    BTW, I think that "no boyfriend overnight" is a silly rule. Having sex in the night time is more convenient As long as the BF isn't living there, it should be ok. Well, all of the rules are of course up to you, but I think that making clearcut rules like this can have a negative impact for the atmosphere. Usually it is just easier to confront the issues as they come along.

    Oh, and one thing. Have a jar for the household money. In the beginning of every month put equal amount of money in for the stuff that is more convenient to buy together.

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