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  1. #1
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    Default help an enfp / am i a jerk?

    can you help a sista out???


    here is my story:
    . . . so my 30 year old BOYfriend tells me that his mother is having a "sweet 16" birthday party for his sister & her best friends at a hotel this weekend so they can go swimming & go to a nearby groovy mall & be all girly & stuff. his mom reserved 3 rooms- one for the teenaged girls, one for herself & one for my boyfriend (and his son) and he asked me if i'd like to join them for his kid sisters party. i was a total bastard and said . . . "ah, no thanks- that is not my bag".

    so help me. i feel bad for not wanting to go . . . but i also feel like he is either a mama's boy for going or he is a weirdo . . . like wouldn't any normal guy say to his mom, "hell no, are you insane?" help me with my confusing feelings. how would you guys feel? what would you do? i've never dated a guy like this before. i'm kinda grossed out.

  2. #2
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    omg you're grossed out? haha wth...not being mean really...just think that's funny.

    umm...i think it's sweet and would've gone tho....at the same i wouldn't think it odd if he didn't want to go.

    that's it. i guess i could've kept my non opinion opinion to myself. :/
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  3. #3
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    I don't think it's weird he wants to go .. it's his sister, after all! I wouldn't imagine everyone would be participating in the same activities the whole afternoon either. The 16 yo's will do their thing for a while, and then get back together, have cake, the girls will again do their thing, while the "grown-ups" chat etc. I don't think it would be like holding hands all day, following the kid sister around ...

    So, I wouldn't worry about it from your BF's POV.
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

  4. #4
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    If your 30 year old bf has a son how old is he? What is wrong with him being there for his sister? And his son being there with his "aunt" (who he prob thinks of as a cousin) - it's sweet and it's sweet they asked you.

    My niece asked all her aunts (4 of us 30+ and 40+) to go out for her 21st birthday with her. It was really cool. Some families are just close.

    Are you worried about him hanging out with teenage girls? Sounds a bit like it. (weirdo comment)

  5. #5
    Member colma's Avatar
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    Your view seems rather disturbing... Are you a jerk? Well are you???

    How long have you been together? Are you both serious? Would he be upset that you aren't interested in the family get together? Are you much younger than he is? How does getting together with his family make him a mamma's boy?

    It doesn't sound like you know him very well.

    Edit: Three things in your post really stand out to me.

    1) The only thing you capitalized in your post is "BOY"friend. But he is a thirty year old man with a son, which makes me think you don't respect him or see him as a man.

    2) You framed everything about him and about YOU in a negative manner which makes wonder if you respect yourself much.

    3) You said you've never dated a guy like this before. Well, this all sounds like very normal activity and if you haven't dated a guy like this than you already know that you ARE being a jerk. Because you've dated a lot of them.


    INFP 4w5 sp/so
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    "At government, you think you're clever: You govern beasts — but humans
    never." - Estienne de La Boetie

  6. #6
    Junior Member Sauropsidian's Avatar
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    He could just be close to his family and wants to be there for his sister. From what you provided, it might've seemed a little bit rude that you declined his offer, especially if he really is that close to his family. In my opinion, it wouldn't be that weird of a thing for him to do.
    4w5 sp/so/sx

  7. #7
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    i'm not an enfp, but maybe i could identify somewhat. I don't care for going to places like this either. OTOH, I don't care about what events other people get involved in. it's one thing to say "it's not your bag", and another to think it shouldn't be someone else's. and if it really grosses you out, just let him be. he's better off without you, and you without him.

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