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  1. #1
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Arrow Men versus Women INFJs

    I’ve noticed a profound difference in how the INFJ type plays out in men versus women. And it is my observation that this gender difference is more profound than in any other type.

    I want to know if anyone else has observed this. If so, what have you seen? Do you have any theories on why there are such strong gender differences in this type?

    Let me begin by noting a couple of things I’ve noticed:

    INFJ-ness just seems to work better for women. Or at least works better for our culture’s ideals about who men and women should be. I’ve observed a plethora of male INFJ strategies to overcome such obstacles. Some adaptive (read healthy). Some not.

    In general – and let me repeat that I am making a gross generalization here – INFJ men seem to have more maladaptive behaviors than their female counterparts.

    In addition to the foibles all unhealthy INFJs share (regardless of gender) there seem to be some male-specific unhealthy INFJ issues. Here’s a couple that I’ve personally observed:

    • Confusing being very, very J (i.e., rigid to the point of unhealthiness) as being the same as being a strong male.
    • Overcompensating for feeling weak by expressing his ESTP shadow, including being a barfly, a womanizer, and an all around arrogant jerk. (Most unattractive, btw.)


    I don’t mean to imply that being a male INFJ is always a bad thing. Nor, am I saying that all male INFJs share these problems. And, when INFJ males are healthy, they can be some of the coolest people in the world. I’ve fallen under the spell of more than one.

    But neither can I deny my own differing experiences between male and female INFJs. It has been my experience that male INFJs can be maddening in their obstinacy (far more so than their female counterparts). I oscillate between wanting to hug them and wanting to whack ‘em in the back of the head.

    Please discuss!

  2. #2
    Crazy Diamond Billy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    I’ve noticed a profound difference in how the INFJ type plays out in men versus women. And it is my observation that this gender difference is more profound than in any other type.

    I want to know if anyone else has observed this. If so, what have you seen? Do you have any theories on why there are such strong gender differences in this type?

    Let me begin by noting a couple of things I’ve noticed:

    INFJ-ness just seems to work better for women. Or at least works better for our culture’s ideals about who men and women should be. I’ve observed a plethora of male INFJ strategies to overcome such obstacles. Some adaptive (read healthy). Some not.

    In general – and let me repeat that I am making a gross generalization here – INFJ men seem to have more maladaptive behaviors than their female counterparts.

    In addition to the foibles all unhealthy INFJs share (regardless of gender) there seem to be some male-specific unhealthy INFJ issues. Here’s a couple that I’ve personally observed:

    • Confusing being very, very J (i.e., rigid to the point of unhealthiness) as being the same as being a strong male.
    • Overcompensating for feeling weak by expressing his ESTP shadow, including being a barfly, a womanizer, and an all around arrogant jerk. (Most unattractive, btw.)


    I don’t mean to imply that being a male INFJ is always a bad thing. Nor, am I saying that all male INFJs share these problems. And, when INFJ males are healthy, they can be some of the coolest people in the world. I’ve fallen under the spell of more than one.

    But neither can I deny my own differing experiences between male and female INFJs. It has been my experience that male INFJs can be maddening in their obstinacy (far more so than their female counterparts). I oscillate between wanting to hug them and wanting to whack ‘em in the back of the head.

    Please discuss!
    I think you are right on, I have to go out of the way in order not to appear weak willed or meek, and I did have a large not good womanizer period just because I was so insecure in my own self.
    Ground control to Major Tom

  3. #3
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    I agree with alot of the things you say

    I should be prime candidate for the ESTP shadow behaviour you speak off, but i seem to have avoided it due to suffering from extreme social anxiety. A blessing in disguise i guess, as i hate ESTP's more than everything

    I do feel like at times, that my personality would suit a girl/woman better, at least in the eyes of society, and regarding getting accepted by my peers, but i'm not changing for anyone. When i was younger i always tried to please everyone, and adopted chameleon-like social skills, which doesn't work in the long run. This has led to me becoming a bit alienated, but there has to be some people out there, who would accept me as a friend/boyfriend and for what i am.

    that was messy and confusing, i should stop before it becomes totally incomprehensible, lol :P

  4. #4
    The Memes Justify the End EcK's Avatar
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    FIGHT!

    Expression of the post modern paradox : "For the love of god, religions are so full of shit"

    Theory is always superseded by Fact...
    ... In theory.

    “I’d hate to die twice. It’s so boring.”
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    "Great is the human who has not lost his childlike heart."
    Mencius (Meng-Tse), 4th century BCE

  5. #5
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    This boy INFJ thing-yes I have seen this as well.

  6. #6
    The Memes Justify the End EcK's Avatar
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    I've had an Eve vs Satan duel, Satan won
    Figures

    Free Online Game - Bible Fight from Adult Swim
    Expression of the post modern paradox : "For the love of god, religions are so full of shit"

    Theory is always superseded by Fact...
    ... In theory.

    “I’d hate to die twice. It’s so boring.”
    Richard Feynman's last recorded words

    "Great is the human who has not lost his childlike heart."
    Mencius (Meng-Tse), 4th century BCE

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by EcK View Post
    I've had an Eve vs Satan duel, Satan won
    Figures

    Free Online Game - Bible Fight from Adult Swim
    are you sure you haven't entered the wrong thread?

  8. #8
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    Well, F guys (and especially introverts) have it harder than T guys and F girls, because their personality doesn't quite fit the general male stereotype.

    As for INFJ males, maybe growing up their secondary Fe was not fully encouraged, leading them to lean on their tertiary Ti instead and creating a Ni-Ti loop that isn't entirely healthy. I know I had the same problem until I finally discovered my missing Fe and learned to unleash it upon the world

    Just a thought -- what exactly does the Ni-Ti loop look like? I think it might explain the rigidity / lack of compassion / bitterness, etc. in INFJs.
    Likes Paulb5 liked this post

  9. #9
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 21% View Post
    Well, F guys (and especially introverts) have it harder than T guys and F girls, because their personality doesn't quite fit the general male stereotype.

    As for INFJ males, maybe growing up their secondary Fe was not fully encouraged, leading them to lean on their tertiary Ti instead and creating a Ni-Ti loop that isn't entirely healthy. I know I had the same problem until I finally discovered my missing Fe and learned to unleash it upon the world

    Just a thought -- what exactly does the Ni-Ti loop look like? I think it might explain the rigidity / lack of compassion / bitterness, etc. in INFJs.
    21%, I love what you wrote. This is exactly the kind of insight I am looking for. What does the Ni-Ti loop look like? I would love to hear more about this.

  10. #10
    Senior Member MrRandom's Avatar
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    I certainly don't love that. Lack of compassion in INFJs? Seriously? I've never heard that one before.

    But on the topic itself, in one type description it was said that INFJ is the most unmasculine type and that's why many INFJ men compensate by becoming more stubborn. I can believe that. It might also surface as obsessive-compulsive behavior (something I've noticed in myself). I think you might have a point with that shadow thing, too.

    However, I can't get past your starting post. It feels extremely biased, as if seeking an outlet or justification for anger caused by some INFJ guy(s) in your life. Being an INFJ male is never a bad thing, just like being any other type and/or gender combination of thereof isn't. Their bad qualities are not at all worse than anyone else's. They're just different. And because INFJ men have more feminine personalities, they adapt to become slightly more masculine to fit better into our culture. I consider that adaptive, not maladaptive.

    And being an all-around arrogant jerk has nothing to do with type. That doesn't even mean anything: It's a collection of all the negative things people believe such a person would do.

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