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Thread: Is it common among INFJ's?

  1. #51
    Diving into Ni-space Array Crescent Fresh's Avatar
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    Mar 2011


    Quote Originally Posted by Reverie View Post
    Choose A and you're cold, choose B and you depart from your formal self and become very personal and because of the contrast (because internally you're anything but cold) you end up looking like you are a raving lunatic. The continuity is broken in people's eyes. But in actual fact you are both things at the same time. It's just somewhat difficult to express both simultaneously. It requires more enlightenment than I always have to be honest.
    That's a very good point! +10

    I've always thought about this issue. And when in comparsion to ENFPs, I think they're good at treating others all equally. However, when it comes to those selected few who they bonded deeply, they'll be much closer and personal with them privately. In public, ENFP will treat and spread the equal amount of attention to the ones who bonded and those with a lesser extend at ease.

    When it comes to INFJs, I think we can be somewhat obvious to show how close we are with any particular individual in public while keeping a distance with others, or those who we didn't connect deeply with. This has certainly caused many jealousy in the workplace for me, as I can be nice to everyone but I also can show that extra attention to those peeps who I've bonded. And I think sometimes, in the eyes of public, people may see us as cold or difficult because we don't hide our Fe subtlely enough as compare to Fi users imo.

  2. #52
    nevermore Array lane777's Avatar
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    Oct 2008
    4w5 sp/sx


    Quote Originally Posted by Crescent Fresh View Post
    Though in reality, I'm a very warm person who is afraid of getting hurt through attachment of people, even friends.

    That's why I usually don't let everybody in as a self-defensive mechanism.
    Wow, verbatim.

    At this point in time, there is no one in my life who I feel safe enough with to express my deepest feelings to. In my experience, INTJ's are the go to type, for this. They are incredibly understanding people who seem to know where I'm coming from without me having to say much. And if they hurt you and you confront them on it, they won't take offense to having offended you lol. Unlike most other types, INTJ's are very comfortable with this. And anyone in a relationship with an INFJ will have to accept that unintentionally hurting the INFJ will be a reoccuring issue.

    I miss my INTJ's. Seriously...

    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    To me, I would not go around with my feelings hanging out all over the place anymore than I would go to the grocery store naked. Nobody wants to see that.
    If only people knew how fragile and emotional we truly are; I don't think they would be so offended by our reserve. INFJ's MUST withhold their emotions, or we'd be institutionalized for them. Shit, if I had no inhibitions, everyone would think I'm bipolar.

    Quote Originally Posted by Fenekk View Post
    I must be the rare warm INFJ or something. (I suppose my Fe kicks in fast?) I'm actually kind of talkative and always friendly, and I am often smiling and laughing and telling jokes (though, honestly, I know a lot of that is superficial; a way to put people at ease around me. Might even be a defense mechanism I developed after learning that people were often uncomfortable around me in my youth). People have told me that I appear friendly and sometimes outgoing, but most say that I have mysterious qualities too, and that I seem reserved and tend to hold something back.

    Regarding normal INFJ typing, "cold" seems to be the norm... though I feel like it is even more typical of INTJ.
    Actually, I fit both descriptions made here. I could very much be seen as a hot and cold person. Strangers and new acquaintances will get the warmth, because I want to make them comfortable and I'm genuinely excited to make a new acquaintance. But those close to me will see both sides. It just depends on my mood or if I have the energy to express my enthusiasm at the time.

    Quote Originally Posted by Reverie View Post
    Also some aggression after I have not responded "enough" to advances from some less subtle types of brutes.
    It's criminal, isn't it?
    Last edited by lane777; 08-29-2011 at 01:19 AM.
    To die would be an awfully big adventure - Peter Pan

    INFJ ~ 4w5 sp/sx ~ RLOAI ~ Inclusion e/w=1/0 (Melancholy Compulsive) Control: e/w=0/6 (Supine) Affection: e/w=4/0 (Phlegmatic Melancholy)

  3. #53
    Senior Member Array Saslou's Avatar
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    Feb 2009


    Quote Originally Posted by cfs1992 View Post
    Some people see me as a hard person and I am often called "cold"... Is it an INFJ characteristic? I don't show my feelings too much because I'm afraid of being wounded, and people may describe me as "rational"! I've read in some sites that INFJ's are prone to be mistyped as rationals... I see my coldness as a defense. Is it common? Anyone here have this problem?
    I've been called cold (and distant) on many occasions .. I've argued it by saying that i can not be upfront and feeling all the time as this depletes my energy .. I need time to retreat and recharge. I don't perceive it to be a defence mechanism rather something to keep my sanity in one piece. If i don't give someone attention 24/7, doesn't mean i'm not thinking about them or care any less, but instead i'm putting my needs first .. They'll get their attention just after i've given myself some.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  4. #54
    Senior Member Array Idealatious's Avatar
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    Sep 2011


    Occasionally, I make a weird expression that people tend to notice, even laugh at it. Normally glee, surprise, or disgust. A week ago during a lecture I felt it appropriate to arch my eyebrows incredulously and stare with such eye-twitching disgust -which on hindsight is easily misinterpreted - that the teacher finally called me out; asked me what I was thinking. No, nooo, I agree with you 100%! She didn't believe that I thought she was right (I'd like to think I would be more subtle about it if I disagreed) but was directing my contempt towards society in general! I think that normally my face is rather blank and serious, as I've been told. I'm quite good at concealing emotion if I try. But then people notice even more when I make an expression, especially when I'm happy.

    ...hmmmm; I remember one time when I was really upset and depressed about something and my aunt (ISFJ, I would guess) said something like, "come on, smile." And my face suddenly, involuntarily lit up. It wasn't like I was trying to make her feel better; I just couldn't even stop it! Later I felt really annoyed for being insincere like that. Sometimes I can ease myself into feeling happy by acting like it, but that was just absolutely fake fake fake.

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