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  1. #21
    Senior Member mochajava's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    To me, I would not go around with my feelings hanging out all over the place anymore than I would go to the grocery store naked. Nobody wants to see that.
    Yes, true. I think this is why it's an unspoken rule in this society (well, American, though this forum is likely very international) that you can't do that. Either of those things.

  2. #22
    Member Fenekk's Avatar
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    I must be the rare warm INFJ or something. (I suppose my Fe kicks in fast?) I'm actually kind of talkative and always friendly, and I am often smiling and laughing and telling jokes (though, honestly, I know a lot of that is superficial; a way to put people at ease around me. Might even be a defense mechanism I developed after learning that people were often uncomfortable around me in my youth). People have told me that I appear friendly and sometimes outgoing, but most say that I have mysterious qualities too, and that I seem reserved and tend to hold something back.

    Regarding normal INFJ typing, "cold" seems to be the norm... though I feel like it is even more typical of INTJ.
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  3. #23
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Might be an enneagram difference. I'm more like that too that a lot of people's descriptions of their experience/feeling as an INFJ. I chalk it up to being a social instinct first.

  4. #24
    Senior Member mochajava's Avatar
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    At work sometimes people just come up and start sharing... I find this a little bit odd in that it would never occur to me to do it, but it does allow a friendship to begin. Or acquaintance-ship. I like that about it.

    Quiet:
    I remember here and there when I tried to open up a bit about myself, she would take that opportunity to once again make it about her
    I really hate it when this happens. The majority of the E's in my life are like this... Have you had success with saying something like, "wait, wait, hear me out!" or anything...?

    People tell me I think too much, and probably would say "intense" if I showed that side of me to more people... but I do think I come off as warm. That being said, I don't tend to go be chummy w/ everyone in a group.

    kccrush:
    It helps to have friends/colleagues there to engage me and draw me out. But that's not always the case, and so it's crucial to learn how to do it yourself (myself) and if I can't, then try to get out of the room or the exchange so I don't ruin relationships. I'm 37 and I still find this to be a barrier. I've discovered that I can tell me - I'm not feeling like interacting much today, etc. But for people who only know you as being talkative and happy, they often take this personally. Sometimes it's a lose-lose situation...
    I very much agree with you on this one.

    Fenekk
    I must be the rare warm INFJ or something.
    I'm with you! I'm very happy and giggly and enthusiastic on first meetings... people say I come off as optimistic/enthusiastic. Haha, if only they knew the truth...

  5. #25
    Member Rachel's Avatar
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    Don't think i come across as cold usually (at least in my opinion), but i can be very serious and matter of fact and straightforward, which can sometimes seem mean or cold i guess. I think it depends on who i'm relating to. With a strong NF, i can be very NFP, with a strong NT, i can be very Ti. When i'm very Fi, i tend to be more Ti, less Fe, which can seem very cold.

  6. #26
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    C'mon, we infj's are so hot. We are capable of burning people with our inner flame! If we would display our warmth in ways like other types do, ie: sharing and caring, on a general basis with everyone we would probably nee a year to recharge!! The way i look at infj warmth versus other types eg: an esfp (typical, standard) warmth is as follows: we both have it and want to share it. We do it less but when we do, it's intense, meaningful and focused on individuals. Whereas they do so more often but lightheartedly, and free for all style.

  7. #27
    Junior Member homesick.alien's Avatar
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    Generally I am quite cold, especially if im in an environment I'm not comfortable in or if i dont know anyone.
    however, I'm very warm on first meetings (like if introduced), and I'll smile a lot.

    i guess i just dont have much energy to be all enthusiastic and telling jokes and stuff. I'd rather be the one laughing.
    "I'd tell all my friends but they'd never believe me
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    They'd shut me away..."

  8. #28
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    I have actually gotten compliments about how I can remain "calm" in chaotic environments. The funny thing is, I have always felt like an emotional hurricane inside, but apparently it doesn't show on the outside.

  9. #29
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lily flower View Post
    I have actually gotten compliments about how I can remain "calm" in chaotic environments. The funny thing is, I have always felt like an emotional hurricane inside, but apparently it doesn't show on the outside.
    Oh, I've definitely gotten this feedback before - being calm. Agree w/ you though that I might feel mild-to-very-frazzled on the inside! Actually... I think the more unraveled I might feel, the more deliberate I am in being externally calm & detached, and more withdrawn. 'Cold'? I don't know that I've been described or would be described as such. But I could definitely see being described as removed and detached, especially if I am uncomfortable in a certain setting or with certain people.

    If I am pretty comfortable, I think I come across as friendly, or at the very least pleasant. And growing up I was always described as 'sweet'. I also tend to show my positive emotions quite easily and readily - whether that be excitement, happiness, pleasure, whatever. I tend not to show the negative ones, though, for various reasons, although if they need to be addressed because someone else is involved, then I'll do so. Also, I'll generally show a bit more of the negative with those I'm really close to, even if it doesn't involve them, just in an effort to keep them in the loop or let them in my life a bit more.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  10. #30
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    I think I come across as friendly, but a bit guarded. I've been told enough times that I seem warm that I'm not really worried that I come across as cold. But I certainly don't like letting the emotions hang out too much, as others have said. I do sometimes get riled up publicly but I usually try to keep it not too intense and maybe even a bit jokey.

    I do feel vulnerable if most people see too much of my emotions. And yes, I project the calm, sensible and fairly rational exterior, apparently. I have been told that I seem very calm even when inside I'm exhausted, stressed and wound up.
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